My wife told me she wants a divorce after 11 years of us being together and 3 years of marriage. We still live together. She is still inclduing me on decisions in the house if I like certain things or how to arrange the backyard. Sometimes she still calls me baby and she is still wearing her ring. Her reason for wearing the ring is she likes the design and it tells other men she is taken. She has told me she is confused about what to do whether to divorce or stay together. She is concerned if we do stay together i will not change for her. I have changed a lot to be in her world including learning to garden and ask her before I make any decisions "what do you think?" That is what I ask before I make decisions. She said she still loves me but not in love. We have talked about our situation multiple times and she ends it with nothing is going to change her mind. But than we text when we are away from each other our concerns and doubts and why we want to be together still. How do I get passed this point? DO I just make the decision to separate since she is still confused about our relationship? Both our time is being wasted by continuing to be confused about our current state. She has blamed me for the reason and she is at no fault. I know this post is all over the palce. Just confused on what to do because I am still in love with her and have learned to be in her world to show her I care and we can have intimacy and a bond about mutual topics like gardening.

Hi Guy, welcome to Marriage Builders. Her comment that " she still loves me but not in love" means she is probably having an affair. It means she has a new point of comparison. Don't ask or accuse, just quietly start snooping. Slip some spyware on her cell phone. Here are some recommendations for cell phone spyware: here

Hello! Thank you for your reply. I can assume she is having an affair but I have no proof. I also know that her actions tells me she wants to be together and her words are fueled by her hurt. There was never any infidelity, disrespect or abuse physically or substance. I am concerned about the spyware as I read I would need access to the phone. Have you used any spyware yourself? If so did it work?

Many, many people have used spyware and it is very effective. Can you get ahold of her cell phone? Can you also check out her cell phone bill to ID any frequent calls, texts?

If she has an iPhone, you don't need access to her phone if you use teen safe. Here is a thread with some ideas: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2832187#Post2832187

Hello! What happens if spyware is detected?

Don't be afraid of her.