It's like you didn't even read my question.

If you want your marriage to survive you need to start LISTENING.


You're making up your own ideas and following your own intuition. Dr. Harley didn't advise you to stop talking to her. STOP MAKING STUFF UP. You are going to lose your marriage.

Try rereading and answering my question.

M, I would strongly encourage you to see your doctor and get on antidepressants and also start listening to the radio show. You wasted five good months you could have been learning how to do Marriage Builders and save your marriage, and you're getting set to continue just doing whatever you think is a good idea instead of learning the plan that works.

Not going to waste any time helping you do that. I help people do Marriage Builders because it is the plan that actually works. But I don't help people who don't listen because I can't help people who don't listen.

Antidepressants.
Radio show.

I am on antidepressants now. I have been listening to the broadcast everyday, now at least. I am reading other forums. I am willing to do anything. I haven't bought into the program because I can't afford it.

I have screwed up for the last 5 months... I thought we were great!!! I was blind!!! Please, I need help!

Ok I give. I don't know anything. I have started reading Love Busters again. I am listening to the show every day. As soon as I can afford it, I will purchase into the MB program. I am on Celexa antidepressants. I'm kinda lost from that point. What am I missing? I have exposed her. I want to talk with her but she doesn't want to talk with me.

Be sure you've walked through the Exposure 101 thread and done everything suggested there. Make sure you tell people personally, yourself, rather than crossing them off the list because they already know or because somebody else has told them.

Then, go confront the other man. Tell him you love your wife and he had better get away or else. Let him know that if your marriage goes to divorce you will haul him into court during the divorce and have him testify about his relationship with your wife. Make sure everybody in his life knows about what he is doing.

Meanwhile, start being Prince Charming to your wife. Invite her to go do something with you EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. She will decline a lot, but do it anyway. Set up lots and lots and lots of things to do that she would enjoy, and ask her to do it with you. If she declines, stay calm and don't fall to pieces because that is not attractive at all. Make sure there's stuff to do just the two of you without the kids.

DO NOT FIGHT WITH HER AT ALL COSTS YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO FIGHT WITH HER IT WILL SPELL DOOM FOR YOUR MARRIAGE YOU MUST NOT EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER SAY OR DO ANYTHING THAT SHE WOULD FEEL IS DEMANDING DISRESPECTFUL OR ANGRY IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT SHE DOES OR WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE JUSTIFIED DON'T DO IT OR YOU WILL END YOUR MARRIAGE.

Meanwhile, listen to the radio show EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Have you listened to Friday's show, yet? It's still available for another hour or so. Since you are claiming that you listen to the show "every day," that means you listened to Friday's show, right? You've had three days in which to listen to it. Have you?

Thank you Marcos! I will go back through the exposure thread. I have created another Facebook account because her family and her has blocked and unfriended me. I have asked why with no answers. But I will do the exposure event again. I think I left it too impersonal last time.


I believe I can do this. I am scared of the guy though. He has already threatened me.


I am currently in NC and she is in AL... Should I move back? This may take some time but I think it can be done as well. The last 7 months have actually been rather nice (except for the last month) I was prince charming. We never argued and we got along great. We went to lunch together everyday and spent all evening after work together. Her bar time on Friday and Saturday nights was the problem. When I went with her in the beginning, there were no problems and we had a great time. But then the affair started.


Even now, I do not interrupt or argue. The only contact I have had with her is through email. She still does not talk to me though. She won't answer the phone.


Yes I have listened to Friday's broadcast. I am listening to Monday's now.

I tried to call her twice today. I left a message on her VM asking to talk to her and I told her I missed her and loved her very much. I told her that we can and will work through our problems. I tried to sound very sweet and loving not judgmental. I just said that I really want to hear her voice.

If the guy has threatened you, you should see a lawyer and get a restraining order filed against him. That will keep him away from you and possibly your wife as well! If he is becoming threatening, that is just ideal because so much can be done against him legally.

YES MOVE BACK.

You can't save your marriage by remote control from another state.

You can't have a good marriage in separate states.

For the love of all that is sacred, move back!!!

You can answer most of these for yourself. "Is what I'm thinking about keeping me from working Dr. Harley's plan to save my marriage? Yes it is. Then it's absolutely got to change, or else I will definitely lose my marriage."

Ok I have just reached out to a realtor and we are working on getting a place.

Can I actually get one against him? Really? That would be the best thing that I could imagine.

Since he, the BF, has blocked me from Facebook, I have created another so that I can gather his contacts. I still can't message him. I have found his number. Should I call or Text him? What should I say?

I reached out to Dr. H, and he explained that really the only coarse of action is to go with plan B. To also seek legal council to maintain custody. This Affair needs to die naturally.

If this would help anyone else, here is my plan B letter:
My love,

This is a difficult letter for me to write, one that I have been mentally working on for weeks now. I have written this letter with the true love that only a husband can have for a wife. Please read every word I have written, for it is from the heart.

I would like to acknowledge and apologize for my part in the demise of our marriage. I neglected your needs, and failed to give you what you needed many times. I didn�t listen. I'm sure this helped create a voice in our marriage that allowed your affair to happen. I have said this before, and I want to say it again: I want to do whatever I can to put our marriage back together in a mutually satisfying way. I feel that I have been learning ways to be the type of man that I hope you would be proud to call your husband, as I have so many times felt pride in calling you my wife. I so want to be able to put the past behind us, and build a better life together for us and our children. I believe we can have the most romantic and happiest marriage we could ever dream of.

The past seven months have been great! I truly saw your eyes light up with more joy and compassion than I have seen in the 12 years we have been married. We had some strange events and crazy situations that limited our connection and relationship. We seemed to start recovery in the beginning, only to slip and fail again. I am still feeling the hurt and pain when I don't know where you are, or when you'll be home. I know you are still with him and have chosen him over your family. We have somehow misplaced our foundation of trust and respect. But lately God has given me a strength that I never knew I possessed. I have grown and matured more as a Christian than I have in my entire lifetime. Whereas in the past I endured the hurt and pain, I now see that it is soon to drain my love for you. Until you can truthfully and honestly return home and work with me on rebuilding our marriage, I will be having no communication with you, and I will not be seeing you. This is not to punish you, it is to protect my feelings for you and our chances at reconciliation. If we continue as we are now, there would be nothing left. I have created a plan to reconcile and bring you back into our lives.
I have created this list of requests to help you understand what it is that can make us whole again. My first request is; the alcohol and drugs will be removed from both of our lives, forever. An occasion celebration or stressful day can override this (alcohol only). Second, no further contact will be made with **** ****. Third, no more bars/night-clubs. If you want to go out, there are plenty of other places to go; otherwise, I will be going with you. Fourth, you can have any friend you want and we can have mutual guy friends, but if I start to feel threatened by him, you must respect my wishes and remove him from your life. The final request, I ask that you read the books from Dr. Harley that I have at home; Love Busters, His Needs Her Needs, and Surviving an Affair. These are not unreasonable requests from a husband of any kind. But if at one day you wish to come back to me and this family, this is what is requested. I do apologize if it seems that I am so harsh. I have been given very little choice. I cannot live my life in fear and our children must be given the very best. My love, I can�t stand to see you like this and our kids deserve to have their mother. She is still within you! I can�t make this decision for you, but I will make the best ones for this family. Please consider this, if even for a minute. I love you with all of my heart and soul, I really do. I miss you.

I ask that you please respect my decision to separate in this way. Please feel free to call the kids at any time and set up visits.

I will be seeking counsel on how to best protect the kids financially, specifically child support and how to set that up.

I want us to be a team, and restore our marriage together. I want you to know that no matter how bad the past was, no matter how ugly, we can get past it. With God's help, our true healing can begin. Look inside yourself and find the strength we will need to do this.

I want to grow old with you. I loved you more than life itself while we were together, and I continue to do so as I write this. When you find yourself ready and willing to truly and fully commit to our family, willing to work on a plan for our recovery, I will be ready and willing to discuss our future.

God be with you, my love.

Your loving husband,
**** ******

Surprising enough, her reply was rather hateful and rude. I don't fault her for it. I know she misses her kids. I still haven't ruled out moving back. But she is in a fog and anything I say or do isn't going to reach her. She will have to realize for her self that she is doing wrong.

I am not surprised by her response at all. Reaffirms she is deep in the fog or deep in withdrawl.