Called w this morning, wondered why she hadn't called as today is my birthday.<P>She was quite angry, and said that she told me last nite that she would stop later today.<BR>I asked what was wrong and she told me stop being so nice to her, that she didn't deserve it.<P>She said she talked to her brother last nite and he said if I couldn't understand her job then maybe we shouldn't be married. <P>I said I wanted a more traditional marriage, she takes it mean , June Cleaver. I just want somebody to be home with me.<P><BR>I kept pushing about why she was so mad as I knew this wasn't the reason so I asked the question. Was she involved with the om again?<P>She said yes, that it started out she ws trying to forgive him and he ended back in her life. I asked it if it was 3 weeks ago and she said she wasn't sure. I know it was as that was when she pulled back.<P><BR>Right now I just want to ruin om life. I am going to call his w and let her know. I'm also considering telling his daughter that she maynot be his biological daughter.<P><BR>As for our marriage, right now I'm done. She wanst to wait till after the Holidays, I just want out today, she's betrayed me and felt nothing about it to me. She was appologizing to the om ? What tyhe HELL for?<P>Where was mine? I got a weak sorry i ruined your life, like she messed up the taxes, no heartfelt sorrow.<P>I think her true colors have come thru, she has not loved me for years if ever, she just wanted to be married and then wanted kids all to try and find happiness. She even tried om twice and that hasn't worked.<P>Right now, I can't even find pity for her. I just want her out of my life. We lived a lie for 10+ yrs. I have no love left for her.<BR>

I am sorry for your pain, it sux, i'm sure you know we all know the pain. And I am sure that you need to vent all your anger hear, but don't fill with hate. Be the better person, and get your revenge on OM, by living well without W (if that is what you are going to do). I know the need for revenge, but don't do it if you are planning on trying to work on your marriage. You are thinking with anger right now, and it could backfire on you. W will definitely TRY to make you feel like the bad guy for spilling the beans. I on the other hand would let the wife of OM know, but that is just me, who wants to be the last one to know.

I know how you feel. I have been there myself.<P>My H kept trying to "fix" the problems "he created" for the OW, who turned out to be an obsessive freak (claimed to be married to him, wore a wedding ring, followed him around). Instead of focusing on US and OUR MARRIAGE and rebuilding OUR RELATIONSHIP, he poured all his energies into apologizing to the OW for the pain and confusion he must have caused her. He never saw that by putting his energies into her, he was killing us, and finally his selfishness was the last nail in the coffin...<P>I finally had enough as you have had enough. I tried my very best to rebuild my marriage, and sure enough this is what this forum is all about. However sometimes you have to concede when it is all over and walk away to save yourself. Otherwise you might end up giving your soul and your heart to somebody who will only throw such a precious gift in the trash.<P>I would personally tell the OM's wife about the affair. Those supposedly closest to her in life deserve to know the truth, and it doesn't necessarily have to be interpreted as an act of revenge. I informed the OW's family, employer, and b/f of what was going on, and she is now in therapy, which seems to be helping her a great deal to become a more rational and moral person. I think I actually did her a big favour by doing what I did - so go ahead and divulge the truth to the OM's wife. You may be doing her the biggest favour anbody ever did...<P>------------------<BR>~~ Elixir ~~<BR>

revenge is an empty plate- my friend fighter has suggested that living well is the best revenge. tats my new plan b.<P>but make sure this is what you want.

RWD, <P>I know you are hurting. I know everything seems so hopeless. I know you are grieving for your marriage.<P>I want you to know that your entire marriage has NOT been a lie. I'm sure you and your wife were happy. Your wife is very ill. She has chosen a path of destruction. She has no idea of the damage she is inflicting on you - but she will.<P>Before you throw in the towel, I think you should do two things:<BR>1. Tell OM's wife what is going on. I think she does desevre to know. Don't tell her with malice in your heart but out of love for another person. Her husband is being very decieving to her and she needs to know the truth. <P>2. Try Plan B and try it right now. It has worked on others and it may be the last chance to wake your wife up to the reality of the situation. It's time for her to pay the piper. It's time others know of what is going on. Make the other man meet all her needs. If he he is willing and she accepts, then your marriage is over. If he is unwilling or she doesn't want him to that your marriage still has a chance but it will only by under the proper recovery techniques and not the wishy washy method she has been implementing. <P>You are in our prayers RWD.<P>SHA

RWD...<P>You know from a few of my previous posts I'm in the same boat as you...<P>Please... Please... Please....<BR>listen to Sir Hurts Alot!<P>I would just emphasize a <B>very firm</B> Plan B. Too many people give in so easily... and revert back to a wimpy Plan A. It sounds like you are now at the stage were your hurt is to great to continue Plan A... it's OK... but stick to Plan B with tenacity....<P>If it truely wasn't meant to be... the time in Plan B will let you exit the relationship much healthier... physically, emotionally and spiritually. If you throw in the towel now... you'll be hurting yourself in the future.<P>Hey... you've given it 10+ years... can a couple more months hurt you more...?<P>Jim

Thanks for all your support!<P>I have calmed down and actually feel at peace now as I do see and end to this mess.<P>I will not involve om's daughter as she is not a part of this equation. <P>I will notify om's wife as to her husbands disloyalty.<P>I will file for the divorce. Even the minister my w counseled with briefly recommended that I do so.<P>Yes, she is mentally ill, but will not do anything to help herself. She has not sought any additional personal counseling.<P><BR>As for Plan B, I've already tried that when she was living with om over the summer. <P><BR>I believe now that the divorce is best. She is looking for something that I am unable(because of my personality flaw/characteristic, your choice)to provide.<P>Can any one fill that need for her, I don't know, all I know is I can't. So I am unwilling to live in a sham marriage until she thinks she can find someone else and then run away again.

W stopped by on her way to work(where else!) to drop off my b-day gifts. I told her I didn't want them to give them to good will. Unfortunetly the kids had picked them up.<P>She was in good mood, all bright and chipper and couldn't understand why I was in bad mood! I told her, she always complained about me not expressing my feelings and when I do, she says I shouldn't be mad.<P>I told her I have an appointment Fri with lawyer and she became furious saying I was not going. I told her she wasn't controlling me anymore and I was going. She said not with out her so I said fine. She is afraid I will try to screw her! She doesn't trust me !!! She blames all the problems with the other divorce papers on her lawyer and said all her friends thought was she was doing was right. So my lawyer and I are the bad guys! My lawyer didn't push for anything and even talked me out of trying to do a few things as he said it wouldn't fly.<P>It sounds as if her and om had another fight and he may still be in the picture but I don't care anymore. They can have each other. She doesn't love me and hasn't even before om came into picture. Now she has drained my love bank.

Happy Birthday RWD.<BR>Looks like you've pretty much figured out you next move and Have great advice from all of the others. I have nothing more to add other than to not take anything she says seriously. She's out of her mind and you know it. So does she, but she is in denial.<BR>I went through the same thing that you are going through right now. <BR>The best way to get thru it and keep your sanity or as much of it as possible, is to completly disengage.<BR>She will say some real stupid things to you and try to provoke you into getting angry. <BR>Just write it off as mindless babble and nothing more than a light smile as a reaction. <BR>Remember that this is rock bottom and it can only get better for you. She still has a long way to fall. <P>Anyway take care and peace to you.