Hello builders, it's been more than a year since I had a devastating divorce when I found out that wife was in a long relationship with the guy we hired to work with us in our family business.
Exwife decided to stayed with the other man. I noticed that she still kept it in the shadows but now that it's been some time she is starting to bring her relationship public. It's been heartbreaking that she made that decision. It hurts me for my kid that mom is giving him that example. Hurts me to hear common friends when they call me and say WFT we saw your ex wife with this guy blah blah blah...
She calls me all the time to ask me about my life and to be my friend. I feel that she is softening her guilt by talking to me. She tells me she feels bad and has karma yet still decides to stay with him. I don't want her back because our family was ruined already. But I'm trying to find the position I should be in order to feel better.
What do you guys think I should do. Move on and be her friend for the sake of our child? or getting away from her, letting her know that what she did and is doing is unacceptable in my life therefore I wish to have not type of relationship with her except dealing with things related to our kid?
Thanks in advance.

I would strongly suggest you move in with you life. You don't have to stay in touch with her all unless you feel strong enough to do that. If communicating with her makes you sick, then I would find an intermediary to handle any pertinent communication concerning your child.

If her contacting you makes you upset then time to go NC with EXWW.

Find a person to be your contact person. Their job is only to filter EXWW's messages and only pass on information concerning your child.

Then write a NC letter to your EXWW telling her that it still upsets you to have contact with her. Therefore you have to be NC with her. Then give her the contact persons email and to only contact with information about your child.

It sounds like you did not expose her affair at all or the reason for your divorce?

They have a complicated history, during which he divorced her years ago, and then they lived together. That being so, she did not have an "affair".

Ah, I remember the story now. Thanks SC.

This contradicts what you said before. You were ALREADY divorced when she met this new man. You were the one that had affairs.

No contact is appropriate but no one here appreciates being lied to.

Thanks! Should I just suddenly stop all contact? Ignore her calls, not answer her txts, etc. Unless they are related to our child? Or should I send her a NC letter?
What is your opinion?
Thanks again

Thanks apples123. I'm not trying to lie to you guys. I appreciate your time and input. The real reason of divorce is very personal to both of us, was something we had to do against our will. Something very unfortunate. We stayed pretty much in love living together as a couple and still called ourselves husband and wife tho we weren't legally married. We used to say that is just a paper and that all we needed is love. Little I knew... So I referred as divorced when the whole infidelity thing exploded...
Thanks again

I did expose the affair. I exposed it to my 8 yrs old son which was heart breaking. I exposed it to my ex's family and they all went against me when found out I told my son. They said I was traumatizing him. I exposed to closed friends but yet exww did not care. That is why I still get calls from mutual friends in disbelief when they see them together. I exposed to our office staff but they could not do anything because she was the boss and they could get fired if they said something...
I still get a lot of negative feedback for exposing the affair. Most people say that was the wrong thing to do...
Anyways is too late now. I am just trying to cope with this and trying to move on.

Then move on and leave her to be with her BF.

Thing is , you weren't married so you had no right to exposure. Move on.

Thing is we werent legally married. We were emotionally and spiritually married. We called ourselves husband and wife and everyone thought we were married. The reason we got divorced was against our will and it was devastating. We still loved each other and were a family leaving together with a child. Everyone thinks our actual divorce was when I left the house because of a ww...
Also, I asked my kid if he knows why mom and dad got divorced and he said he doesn't remember. Then my exww told me she work hard on convincing him her affair never happened... I was staying home taking care of my son while she was supposedly meeting with her female friends and traveling for conferences when in reality she was having an affair...
We were a family and it kills me that I no longer can spend everyday with my son and be a home dad rather than a long distance dad. I can deal with her decision of living me, cheating on me, and loving someone else. My problem what my kid is going and is gonna go through. If I didn't have him I wouldn't even be here...
Thanks for your time reading this

Marriage involves a legal commitment as well. Unless you have the legal contract, it is not marriage.

Does your son live with you? What are the arraignment for him?

My son lives with his mother. I see him Tuesdays & Thursdays and he stays with me every other weekend. His mother lives by herself not with her new bf...
Thanks.

Your son's mother has primary custody?

No. He lives with her but we have no legal custody arrangement.

Why don't you have him live with you?

It sounds as though you really want your wife back. If that is true, you can make that happen. It will be very hard. Yet if you follow all of the concepts here, it is possible.

When you and XW were legally married, did you cheat on her and then eventually divorce her? That must have hurt her. Then you lived together no commitment afterward... Her behavior with you now, wanting to be friends with you while she's with another, shows that her love bank is still open to you.

If you are too hurt by ongoing contact with XW, write her a Plan B letter, and tell her that you will not see her or talk to her again until she dumps that guy. You will need an intermediary person to communicate between you regarding your child.