Hi,

Im currently living in Malaysia and i just got married to my wife( a canadian ) which is currently living and working in Canada. We knew each other from social apps and it longed for a year before we decide to get married. We shared a lot of feelings and personal interest while getting into a relationship. We also talked about our good and bad experience from the past. Since after i knew her for a few months and while having a relationship with her, i find it so difficult for myself to trust her. I know i have found nothing or any proof to show that she was not a loyal person to me therefore i felt guilty each time i accused her trying to cheat on me. She was really a strong women and didnt gave up on me although the depression of accusing her about the same issue has caused her more and more anxiety or insecurity of meeting people around. She came down twice to my country on a 16 hours flight just to see me and during we were together i have no issue at all. Ive been a really happy man and never thought of checking on her phone or distrust her. All those doubts went off easily. Last August, we got married whhen she came down for 3 weeks and then she went back to Canada to get her stuff sorted out. WE had plans for future and she have decided to leave her country and stay with me before i get my PR to her country. I love her so much and i really believe she was the one for me and thats why i decided to marry her. She is really different from anyone who has ever been into my life. No one could have been positive, strong, caring and supportive like her. The biggest challenge between both of us are the distance and timezone. WE have been living away from each other for 2 months now an often ague. W talk to each other on Skype every day and my issue of accusing her cheating has became serious. This happens whenever she failed to reply my text on time, or failed to answer my call whenever she is out. She doesnt have much friends or family because of her bad experience and social anxiety issue. She keeps asking me to stop and i should really fix myself. She could barely hold on by listening or tolerating my accusation towards her. Im really having a serious issue myself and thought of getting a personal therapy so i could be mentally stable. Whenever i feel like i could lose her to another person im mentally tortured and depressed. I really do feel that im feeling this way part of it is because i couldnt experience or see the people around her there ( getting to know people around her ) and she is quite personal with her life ( personal email , text messages ) . She always asked me to just trust her that she is not the person who will hurt me that badly. I really wish i could be the person that could trust her fully and make her happy because i could see that the confidence in our relationship is fading and the resentment are getting higher. I dont want to lose her because i could never love someone like her in my life. I believe that my issue makes me an insecure man and a selfish person.

First off, jealousy is a normal reaction to a risk in your marriage. Your insecurity is due to the fact that you don't live together and don't have a line of sight into her life. You lead completely separate, independent lives, which is harmful to marriage. Going to "therapy" won't change a normal reaction to a risk. Living together and creating integrated, transparent lives will alleviate your insecurity.

Secondly, you can't sustain a marriage if you are not together. So if you can't resolve that, and quickly, you probably should accept that you made a mistake and end the marriage. The only hope of resolving your problems will be to live together.

Thanks for your reply,

WE have plans to make this happens and the soonest will be at least January Next year. She needs to be financially prepared in case she didnt get any job in my country. She is really insecure with her self confidence and reluctant to have me support her. She has live a self dependent ( financially ) since last few years and she lives by herself. WE knew that we need to live together and having a virtual interaction or connection wouldn't work long enough. Im really worried that i would lose her because she has been a great women in my life and i really believe i could make her happy too. Im just not ready to accept that this was a mistake or to end this marriage . I just want to know what should i do or how should i convince her that this marriage needs to work out in a certain way as u mentioned in the reply. I dont want to gave her too much pressure as i know she needs to focus on her life too. If this would not work, ill be really upset with the outcome.

Sam, I honestly don't know how you can make this better because this situation is a disaster. I don't know how to improve upon a disaster other than moving in together. If you had spoken to Dr Harley he probably would have told you to WAIT to get married until you could move together. Your relationship probably won't survive this.

I wish I could be more optimistic, but I can't give you false hope. You and your wife set yourself up for failure, unfortunately.

well im pretty much asking for an answer towards a failure relationship then.. Ill work on it.. thanks for the answer