You say all of this but then you didn't answer some of our questions. There was something very important that SugarCane said to you as well that wasn't addressed. I will be back to repost that part for you.

The first thing that stands out to me is (1) if you were familiar with MB, you would have followed through with the poly. This wasn't done, correct? Are you going to have him take it?

Your WH is going to stay wayward and sick and you aren't going to be able to adequately affair-proof your M if you don't know all the ways in which he conducted his SSL....which apparently is the case, if you say you did everything you thought of and he was still doing this stuff.

Secondly, if you were very familiar with MB, you would have known the counselor was a bad idea.

Please please read up on everything regarding MB and stick with us to ensure you've got this marriage affair proofed this time. Please.

This cannot be emphasized enough. I spoke to Dr Harley about my ex H (serial cheater) and he told me that ALL opportunity for a SSL needs to be taken away.

And furthermore, if you listen to what Dr Harley has to say about a serial cheater (there is a thread with radio clips on SAA somewhere) this type of cheater will AGREE with everything and then start backsliding, which it sounds like you experienced.

You cannot let your guard down for one second. You need to have a plan in place so that the second he starts trying to "renegotiate" the EPs he has already to agreed to, you need to be ready to take action.

I don't see the point in a polygraph test. I really don't care if he slept with them or not. I have already assumed the worst and I would still think that even if the poly said he hadn't slept with any of them. It's a moot point.

I want to know if he's going to be honest from here onwards.

Taking extreme measures that put is in a place of financial ruin or leaving his job are not viable in any way.

I unfortunately am unwilling to monitor him 24/7. I don't have the time or energy.

I cannot monitor his online activity - his job is all online - like many jobs in this day and age. His whole career is based online. What would he do? Work at Macdonalds? How is that going to help? There is no job in the world where he would never be in the company of women. He currently works from home. He can access women online if he wishes to. I'm afraid he is tech-savvy enough that if I had something installed on his laptop, he could bypass it if he so wished. So what is the point?

My husband works in computers, and I put a keylogger on his computer without him ever knowing. I'd say he works on a genius level compared to me. So this is a cop-out.

Your marriage cannot be salvaged if you are unwilling to take these extraordinary precautions.

I posted to you the reasons for the poly, and it was also explained in the last thread....did you read it?

Reasons for poly:

1) Wayward stays sick if the truth does not come out. In other words, he will not really be making a commitment towards being 100% O & H if he is still hiding secrets and things he did in his SSL.

2) You need to know HOW he was conducting his affairs without your detection (especially given that you said you had a keylogger on his phone and computer) in order to affair proof your M.


Note: I did not say, and nobody said to you on your last thread, that a poly was if you cared about whether the A was physical or not. An A is basically equally damaging regardless of whether it is physical or emotional.

The point is that you have a happy marriage and an intact family.

The point (of MB) is that if you cannot have a happy and affair proofed marriage then you move to separation and divorce to preserve your mental and physical health and well being and model healthy boundaries and behaviors for your children.

We can help you with either path (marital recovery or personal recovery), you just have to let us know what you want.

If you don't take this seriously, why should we? Alot of people are taking time out their own busy lives to help you and you haev taken none of the advice. Why come here and ask for advice if you arent' going to take it?

No; he is not going to be honest from here onwards.

Just get a divorce then so you won't be going through this trauma for years.

You are choosing to subject yourself to future trauma. There's a plan here to prevent it, and you could be learning that plan and putting it into place. Dr. Harley gives away one free hour of teaching about that plan every week day on the radio.

We're not here to support you emotionally while you go through the trauma again and again. We are here to help encourage you to take the steps that will prevent the trauma from now on so you can get back to living a happy life again. I can't speak for anyone else, but frankly I'm not up to helping people through the pain of being retraumatized over and over again. I have limited time to post and I would like to spend my time helping someone who wants help to follow the plan and make things better.

I know a lot of people think it helps to have someone to talk to but it doesn't. It helps to have a proven plan that stops the problems!!!