I had an affair in July of 2007. I had recently finished college and had started a new career when I had a very brief, less than a month, relationship with a supervisor. My wife and I had been married seven years at the time. I was 29 and my wife was 27. My wife suspected the affair, confronted me, and I confessed, albeit reluctantly, at first. Like her, I'll never forget that long night. To this day, I still can't believe I did what I did.
She told me that she could forgive me, but I had to come clean and so I did.

I never returned to work, quitting without notice, although I did tell my manager why I could not return. I broke contact immediately, except for calling her (in front of my wife) to tell her to never contact me again. I told my in-laws face to face what I did while my wife asked them if they could ever forgive me. I told my parents what I did. She told her best friend what I did. I told my best friend (at the time) what I did. I have come completely clean and have been ever since. I have never blamed her and have accepted full responsibility for my actions. I have given more heartfelt apologies than I could ever count.

Two years after the affair, we had our first child (now 6). Almost 2 years later, we had our second. However, my wife really hasn't moved on and definitely has not forgiven me. She still brings it up when something triggers it. This could be something as simple as the latest politician scandal or as difficult as a co-worker/friend that is experiencing a similar situation. I know she is the victim here, but I am truly exhausted. I know she is, too.

The latest hit came yesterday when my wife ran into the OW at my wife's work. She was teaching a group of healthcare students, one of which was being taught by my wife. This was the first encounter. My wife was able to somewhat hold it together, but she could easily run into her again. She's a wreck today and it has triggered all sorts of resentment and anger toward me again.

I'm really at the end of my rope. I love my wife and family unequivocally, but I don't know what to do any more. I have let her say pretty much whatever she wants to me over the years, but I can't continue to be at fault and be on an emotional roller coaster. I get it, I've made this mess and accept the blame, but when is it enough? I know that this is even worse for her than it is me and I feel like a total idiot to be venting as if the situation wasn't of my own making.

My questions are these:
How do I help my wife deal with the possibility of running into her again?
How do we continue down a road of resentment (on her part and growing on mine)?

Sorry for the long post.

"How do I help my wife deal with the possibility of running into her again?"

Your wife changes her job and you move house. How you ever thought you could recover with the constant threat, and the actual reality, of either you or your wife running into OW is utter madness. No wonder your marriage has made no progress whatsoever in 8 years. It will not make an inch of progress until you start a new life, and your wife a new job, somewhere far away, far beyond the possibility of unplanned meetings with the equivalent of your wife's rapist.

"How do we continue down a road of resentment (on her part and growing on mine)?"

You don't continue on that path! That is the whole problem! You get off that path by moving entirely away from the environment of the affair, and then building a new life that includes extraordinary precautions against either of you having an affair in the future. You build a new, fulfilling marriage that includes you and your wife spending a minimum of 15 hours per week on dates, out of the home; just you and her - no kids, no friends. You find recreational activities that you both enjoy, that allow you to have intimate conversation and be affectionate at the same time, and you set the scene for sexual fulfilment when you get home, or at other times.

Neither of you will want to focus on the awful past when the present is loving and rewarding.

MOVE AWAY. This is real, real simple. The OW has been hanging around the fringes for years, staying top of mind. Your wife has never truly escaped the triggers. Living like that would drive anyone crazy.

Get out of there and once you move, we can teach you how to transform your marriage. This situation will get WORSE and you will lose your marriage if you stay. If you get out of there, the triggers will be removed and we can help you and your wife create such a great marriage that her mind will no longer go to the pastt.

Absolutely agree with every word.. It is very much like the rape victim living in the same neighborhood as the rapist. She thinks of him constantly. She thinks of being raped constantly.