well when someone enters your number on faceB. it shows who it belongs too because of I messenger, plus before my wife blocked me from faceB. she showed me a picture of her new hired which is the person we talking about

i just hope whatever they talk about is not about what happened to her in her past relationship and use that as a example, i believe all relationships are different and yes we can all learn from others past experience ,but it shouldn't be a reason to filled her head with no hope or a chance to fix our relationship
that's( my opinion and i hope i'm wrong not blaming anyone here)

i just hope whatever they talk about is not about what happened to her in her past relationship and use that as a example, i believe all relationships are different and yes we can all learn from others past experience ,but it shouldn't be a reason to filled her head with no hope or a chance to fix our relationship
that's( my opinion and i hope i'm wrong not blaming anyone here).



okay new update

so my wife got sick monday and yesterday she went to doctors ,so she came home with the answer of strep-throat infection ,so last night she was feeling really terrible and weak and in pain and also from the antibiotic shot she got. so is in my nature to look out for her and take care of her because she still my wife so i fed her ,check her temperature and gave her a massage,but i notice there was a few minutes where she will jump and gesture and will tell me i'm fine now even tho i knew she wasn't ,so i will know that she will get in defense mode,so i will stop and go watch the kids 2 hrs later i will go back and check on her ,and will do the same because i knew she was still in pain so i will massage her gently where it hurts and she will fall asleep,but will wake up again and will tell me the same thing im okay now i'm gonna take a shower ,so i was ok that's a great idea it will bring the fever down,so i put the kids to sleep and my self ,and woke up around 12:40 am because i start work at 2:00 am and notice she was still in pain so i did the same thing i been doing and i told her ,i don't have to go to work i rather stay home and take care of you,because you'll do the same for me so her answer was no is ok ill just take another shower plus my mother is here so go to work,i felt sad and hurt ,and told her okay i'll go to work.work. And i told her if you need me to come back and take care of you let me know please she answer okay ,but i know she wont ...DID I DO WRONG BY DOING THIS

it felt so good being close to her and feeling her body heat and caring for her needs but i don't know if i pushed to much,i will see in her face that she was feeling wonderful and i felt it too,but them she will snap out of it and get in her defense mode so that was my key to walk away .DID I DO WRONG

You did great!!!

Yes leave her wanting more and let her pursue you.

Good Job.

i missed her so much @ melodyLane
even tho she allowed me too care for her ,also put me for a moment of everything is fine stage mode ,that nothing happen everything is normal.
i had a anxiety attack at work yesterday and it broke me thinking maybe that will be the last time i'll be close to her so i cry so hard

Are you getting help for your panic attacks?

no all i did was cried a few minutes and then i felt a little better i believe it was the mix feelings, so crying made feel better and today i feel good ,and also i have a anger management session tonight

thank you for asking @brainHurts

You have taken your first steps on the right track.
Just keep going.

BEWARE

The most difficult thing is to keep on track, when you start seeing your wife come around. Setbacks happen if you let anger management slip and if you forget to put in the time and effort.
Making new and good habits takes time.

So keep up the good work.

I just picked up on this one little nuance here... why did your wife throw a pillow at you? was she trying to provoke you? You are being really hard on yourself for yelling etc.. you should not do that of course because it is a love buster, but she could be trying to provoke you or provoke your anger if she is having an affair to justify it or gaslight you into thinking you are the bad guy. I have no idea if this is going on... but I didn't understand why she would be throwing pillows at you and it didn't seem like she was trying to flirt... that didn't seem to be explained in your post.

@typicalman what happen was when we had the argument in the middle of the week and is always about the same thing, which is my mother in law not collaborating at home ,i mean she does help us by taking care of the kids which i appreciated really much is just the collaboration in housekeeping ,whem i will come home the house was always dirty food all over the place and the house still looks the same today a bit worse because my wife is moving out at the end of the month,my mother in law owns a dog which she never picks up after her self theres always poop in the front yard and whem my kids play in the yard they always step on poop ,so i would tell my wife to please talk to her mom and to please be clean ,she we always leave a mess in the kitchen even tho we just cleaned it but she wouldn't care and it would annoyed me so much i would get angry outburst and i would take it on my wife so after 3 years of this it finally took a toll on my wife and now shes leaving me her mom my kids and wife ,all because i couldn't control my anger and i took it out on the wrong person ,when i should had seat down with her mom and explain my self what i didn't like about her ,it could had been a easy problem fix ,but i didn't do that i would always argue with my wife instead,i blame my self, and now i'm working in fixing my self and hope she gives me a chance again because i love her so much and my kids

You've got to remember, flames55 - nobody can make you angry. No matter what your wife does or what your mother-in-law does, no matter what mistakes she makes, no matter how much she annoys you - she can't make you angry. Only flames55 can make you angry.

You'll have to learn how to not lose your temper NO MATTER WHAT is done to you.

You'll have to learn how to stop arguments 100% of the time from your end alone.

tm, Dr. Harley would say that no matter what his wife does or why, flames55 needs to learn to not lose his temper.

It doesn't matter if he's hard on himself or not because that won't help him learn to control his temper. He does, however, need to accept responsibility and accept that nobody makes him lose his temper but himself, and that he can learn to control his temper no matter what people do to him.

I was in the exact same boat and Dr. Harley helped me learn to control my temper.

I completely agree...
When you learn that you control your emotional reactions and losing your temper does nothing to help the situation... life is so much better. A life run by logic and not letting your emotions throw you all over the place is one of the things that has helped me ALOT! We all have times when we slip.. and no one is perfect and you also need to forgive yourself and move forward.

I also understand coming home to disarray... your emotional need to have a sanctuary and peace in your home is not met. You feel like life is out of control when even your own home is not yours. A man needs to find quiet & peace somewhere in his day to unwind, lower your blood pressure. I'm sure that the living situation flames55 is finding himself in was contributing to the problems with anger, feeling off balance, and without peace and calm. Your home can be an anchor in life.. when there is a big mess there, it really throws you off balance.

One thing I do is to find some little corner or room of the house that I can control, keep clean, have a nice chair & a bible. When you feel your blood pressure rising or emotions kicking in... just go there for ten minutes, get away, & relax yourself.

@ Markos
i been doing that already learning to take self control on my self learning my limits ,i been reading a lot and practicing self control, is been a month since this incident happen and is been 3 weeks that i have not had a angry outburst i been able to control it i been enjoying going out with my kids ,which i didnt do before ,a bad habit i had so i'm slowly replacing those bad habits and learning from my past ,because i dont want my kids to grow up with a memory of (my daddy was always angry) no i don't want that for them ,and for my self ,my wife at this moment shes's sick with strep throat and today it got a little worst then better ,it started on Monday and i been helping her with limitations because she always telling me shes ok but i know shes not ,i mention to her today that i will stay home and take care of her and we should go to urgent care ,and she say NO so i said to her i'm worried about you i been worried all week we should go to urgent care ,and she told me ( i don't want to go with you )so it hurt my feelings and she told me go to work ,so i said to my self ,get up and walk away give her space,so with pain and tears in my eyes i got up got dress and left the room and i gave her a kiss in her forehead,it hurts me so much not being able to help when i know she needs me like i need her but her defense mode is blocking i believe i don't know,

This is a tough one... should you have talked to your MIL yourself? Any thoughts on that? When you have a problem with inlaws, I'm thinking that this is a good place for POJA.. so you and your wife should have discussed the problem together is a safe way... (with in-laws, it's going to be a touchy situation).. but normally, you could brainstorm solutions with your wife and then approach your mother in law together... as a united front ideally.

I think that this is why living with an in-law can be such a difficult situation; a) you should probably follow POJA and solve this problem together BUT b) this is going to be a highly emotionally charged negotiation because there is an in law involved, so you would have needed to approach it carefully. I would still say that POJA is the way to go.. if you go it alone and your wife does not agree to what you are doing or how you talk to her mom you are likely to destroy love units just as in having an angry outburst.

Again.. I see you blaming yourself, but I don't know if all the facts are out. When you discussed with your wife, were there demands? was there disrespect? Was it a complaint or a criticism? We know it ended with an angry outburst. But is this also an issue with how you are solving problems and having "safe" negotiation with your wife versus simply talking to the "wrong person".. .I don't think that could be the problem.

flames55, let me just ask - are you listening to the Marriage Builders Radio show, daily? More than anything that show helped hold up for me the proper standard and teach me how to start solving these problems.

@ Markos ...yes i been listening to it everyday at 10:00 am pst
@Typicalman yes there were some demands,complaints,maybe some criticism, all i remember from all those argumentsis that i was like a train with no breaks,and i see it now very clearly and it hurts just remembering and i cry,and i know by crying it wont bring her back ...and all this crying and feeling afraid and mix emotions are not helping and i feel like giving up ,just like right now before coming to work i saw her laying in bed finally sleeping and it made me happy being able to help as much as i could as her sickness goes away ,i lean forward to give her a kiss on her cheek and she felt my body heat and woke up and rapidly turned to the side and told me i'm fine is OK i'm OK ,,,oh man it hurt so much being rejected and what do i do i start crying on my way to work it makes me feel a bit better ...and i did sit down with her mom the next day me and my wife had our incident ,i apologize to her for everything and for making her feel uncomfortable and not welcome and told her i thank her really much for taking care of our kids

i wish i can go back to October 10 when it all started and not open my mouth

he day she told me she didn't feel anything for me anymore it open my eyes and a door i never saw before ,and i realized what i have done ,i apologize to her mom the next day i beg her for forgiveness and for making her feel not welcome and comfortable ,and said to her thank you for all her help shes been giving us and with our kids and sorry for not showing my appreciation, and she told me it was okay ,and she told me she will try to talk to my wife and find out and tried to give her some positive thoughts,....and what happens ?? the following week i take my daughter to softball practice on a Wednesday
and her mom text me telling me why did i disconnected the cable ,she started going off on me ,i kept it civilize and told her i didn't ,i told her maybe what had happen was my 2 kids were playing in my room and provably unplug the power source but it was to late she had told my wife of what i didn't do and now her mom doesn't really talk to me,and after all this i would think the mom would be care of my wife while shes really sick ,because i'm the evil guy but no i'm taking care of her because is my job and i care for her health and because i love her. what makes me sad and cry is whem she sees me she put out a big grind face