Wife 2nd marriage, ended with her having an affair, though she claims marriage was in death throes, my 3rd marriage. Married May 2013.. Wife had 2 previous instances of online emotional affairs a year and half and a year ago. D day was Oct 1st, month long sexual affair with some indications of physical and emotional abuse along with an emotional affairs with 4 others through AFF and Yahoo messenger. Tells me she never stopped loving me In marital counseling, but I have asked wife to get into individual counseling to find out why she allowed OM to get so much control. Usual answer is "I don't know". Talked to her about previous relationship between 1st husband and me, (info she withheld or glossed over)and it isn't pretty. I'm no counselor, but I think she may have an addiction to male attention! Have begged and pleaded with her to get individual counseling, but feel is her responsibility to make appts and go herself, but she hides behind chores, kids, etc.. how do I get through to her? And she has two kids I love like my own! Kicking her out of house is not an option, and finances aren't good either! She lost her job in Feb and has been unable to find employment! Affair encounters took place at my house, in my bed, because OM wanted to have them there! Even though from messages between them, she seemed reluctant..
Or do I need to just run like hell!?

1. You need to move.
2. She is right to not go to counseling. Most counselors destroy marriages.

Read the Basic Concepts and Watch the Infidelity video.

Do you want to stay married?

Are any of the OM married?

Whether you stay married or not you need to learn a lot more about marriage and love.

Dr Harley's books are a great place to start.

Have you read any of them?

My favorite is His Needs, Her Needs.

Can't move.. can't afford to. Just financed house in August. And if she can't go to counseling, then how is she going to get to root cause of the WHY behind this. From what she tells me, I was good husband, marriage was good, and that issue is with her. I would like to stay married if I can be sure this won't happen again... OM she had physical with was married, but she literally doesn't know enough about him for me to find him. Only thing I think he was truthful with her about was maybe his first name.. maybe one of the OM besides that one was, but have deleted all those accounts so, couldn't track them down even if I wanted to now..
And am familiar with Dr. Harleys work from previous marriage.. tho was too late to help there..

Have you exposed her affairs?

Finding out the "root cause" does nothing to change behavior. What she needs is to change her behavior. She doesn't need "counseling" to do that, she needs the will to change. The reason she has affairs is because she seeks them out.

You need to figure out how to get out of this marriage before she inflicts more damage. I would strongly suggest you contact an attorney and file for divorce. Honestly, there is nothing here to save. You have a very short marriage and she has had many affairs. This is not by accident, but by design.

The only person here who needs counseling is YOU, Sir. You do not have very good judgement.

She is not continuing the affairs, no contact at all. And WOW! I though this site was pro marriage but can see that some here are not, though I can see the point.

Oh no, Marriage Builders is NOT a marriage at all cost program. Sometimes divorce is the definition of success. I would suggest this is one of those occasions. Who cares if she is not currently having an affair? She is a serial cheater who has been cheating throughout your short marriage.

I see your point there, and the assumption may be true, but there are kids involved here, and since this was their house before our marriage, and I am not going to force them to leave, as this was not of their doing, guess who is going to end up being the big loser in the whole nasty divorce process?

Listen to the radio clips in here. Serial Cheaters

That is a poor reason to stay in a marriage. You have no kids with her. You have alot going against you, serial cheating and step children. I can see trying to save this if you had a long, good history and children, but you have none of that. This is very unlikely to survive and staying around is only kicking the can down the road while she inflicts more damage.

Who said force them to leave? I suggested filing for divorce.

Guess who's name is on the house? That we just financed?

Guess who can get divorced?

And just because the kids aren't mine, doesn't mean I love them any less? Not arguing here, just making a point..

You do realize that people who own houses get divorced every day, right?

Not sure how that is relevant. Like I suggested before, I would strongly suggest you get counseling for yourself to help you make better decisions.

Miss, I don't know how versed you are in finances, but would you like to pay for a house you are not living in? She will not be able to get it financed into her name for quite some time as she is unemployed and even if she were employed, would not be able to secure the credit to refinance. And mortgage companies do not have to abide by a divorce court's ruling, they will go after whomever's name is on the mortgage.

I have been through counseling ma'am! And did you know your SO was a cheater prior to marriage?