Just stay strong and remember all the steps you are doing right now even though they are tough is to save your marriage and family........just keep believing your doing what will give you the best chance, you have some great friends helping you here.....just stay calm and confident....fight for what is yours......

Thank you.

So now I move to plan B correct?

I have an email out to an intermediary. And I just called to get the locks rekeyed. They will be here at noon today.

Way to go! As soon as you have the intermediary set up, send the letter. Who is your IM? Did you send them the IM Training thread?

You also sent it to the director of HR and a key VP, right?

yes

Ok.

Yes I copy and pasted it.

You have a week or so before you have to go into a dark Plan B. That will give you time to prepare. In the meantime, you can work on your letter, set up an intermediary, etc. Have you read these threads? here

and here

It will be interesting to see his next move. I think you shocked him last night when you utterly neutralized any leverage he thought he had. You demolished his weapons when you asked him to leave. He will be rethinking his strategy now that he is faced with the reality of being single and spending Christmas alone.

He is probably hoping you will call him and beg him to come home. When you don't do that, he may contact you with a proposal of his terms hoping to negotiate his way back. Something to the effect of "I may consider working on our marriage but I can't do that unless we are together. We should be together for Christmas for the holidays, blah, blah, blah..."

Just expect him to try to get you to change your conditions to accommodate him and his affair.

You can start working out how your Plan B will work. For example, you will want to send a visitation calendar so he can visit with the kids. He shouldn't be allowed inside the house so you will have to figure out a way for him to pick up the kids. Some ways this can be done is he would pick them up at a neighbors or IM's house. This needs to be done in a way that you don't see each other. They are little so don't worry about a 50/50 split. Maybe something like Wednesday night from 6 to 8 and Saturday afternoons from 1 to 5.

Do you have some ideas on that?

You will also add a line in your Plan B letter that says something to the effect of:

I expect that you will continue to deposit your check in our bank account so the children and I will have financial support.

I completely agree with everything that Indiegirl just said. Wavering is a hopeful sign. I can't tell you how many times my husband did that. Two years later we're traveling very steadily on the recovery train, but its only because of a hard exposure and sticking to my guns and only demanding the best from him. You're doing the things that have the absolute best chance of recovering your marriage, and you're doing them WELL! Keep your head up.

Thank you for sharing this. I needed to hear it.

Stand your ground.

And when it happens, remember that MelodyLane told you it would happen.

Yes, I have those thank you. I am working on my letter and I have my intermediaries coming to meet me tomorrow night.

I got a response on the work exposure:

"Thank you for your email. [Company] will address the issue you raised below through our normal business practices and procedures. In accordance with those practices, any actions taken with our employees are confidential. Therefore, we will not be able to follow up with you on those specifics."

That's good!!

How are you feeling? Did you give some thought to how you would handle child exchanges?

Feeling ok.

I have but not too much.

He left Tuesday night.

Wednesday(yesterday) morning he emails about calling the kids. I agree on time.

Last night he tries calling. I don't answer. He texts me "Can we talk when u can?". I don't answer that either.

He then emails me "I know you have a therapy appt tomorrow, can you drop off the kids at my work or I can be at the house at 3:30. You can take your time coming back home."

I wrote back that I had planned to take the kids to the drop in daycare.

He says "how about you don't and I can be there at 3:30."

I then proposed that I take them to his work or he can meet at an indoor playplace and hang out with them.

He responds "why are you so opposed for me seeing them at the house"

I respond "that sends mixed messages to all three of us"

He responds "1) I'll meet you at [indoor play place].

2) We need to talk tonight. Can you do that?"

All I say is "see you there at 3:30"

What do I say to the "we need to talk part"? I don't think we have anything to talk about. I am pretty sure he's only going to try and talk about visitation with the kids, especially for Christmas. And I don't feel like that needs to be discussed just yet.

You could listen and walk out if he wants to try negotiating out of your terms. If it is about visitation, you can tell him you will think about it, then attach a schedule to the Plan B letter. IIWY, I would continue to avoid having him in the house. If he needs his things, you can pack them and drop them off at his parents' place while he is at work.

For child exchanges, could you drop the kids off with a family member 30 minutes before pick-up and drop off the sme way?

PS what I said before is to emphasize that whether you talk to him is up to you. If you don't want to' don't. If you do, remember you can end the conversation at anytime by walking out. Public places are great for this because he would have to make a scene to stop you.

Ok. Thanks.