Why is there no spyware on the iPad?? You said that's what she uses the most... That doesn't make any sense to me !

SQ, I have easy access to the iPad and iPod but she seems to protect her phone the most. I decided to spend my money monotoring the phone. The phone (an android) is what she uses the most and what she used for the last contact with OM. I ment to say she uses iPad more than the iPod or home computer.

Right, I believe you said earlier you would start with the phone and if nothing came up, you would then do the iPad.

We recommend putting keyloggers on all home computers and devices that you have access to, as you were advised to do earlier. Better to be safe than sorry.

It would be a mistake to "adjust your exposure list" based on her reaction. What you plan is a "trickle" exposure which is a waste of time. It is just enough to infuriate the affairees but not enough to kill the affair. The purpose of exposure is to motivate her to end her affair for life and gain the support of others. Keeping it a secret helps the fantasy thrive. Her reaction could be to take it further underground and just tell you anything to get you off her back.

I am very concerned that you are looking for an easier, softer way out of this. Don't do that if you want to save your marriage.

This advice seems to have been ignored.

Good morning all,
I have been on the forms for a long time but have not posted in over a year. You can go back and read my thread but the short version is I am in a marriage that has not recovered from my wife's emotional affair. When Dr. Harley answered a question for me he stated that the affair was not just emotional because of the history between my wife and OM prior to our marriage. He also stated that their is really no difference between the two anyway.
My question is how do I move forward when my wife refuses to look at Dr. Harley's material. At first I did not mention Marriage builders when she was in the the Affair. After the affair ran its course and died a natural death I began mentioning the web site and that it could help us. This morning after a discussion she said she would work threw some marriage material, just not Dr. Harley's.
I have to take responsibility for my failures in this, if I had done what was recommended here the outcome would not be an unrecovered marriage. I did do several things that were recommended. I told my adult children what had happened. I have also told a few friends and my pastor. I also have confronted the OM via text message when he contacted family members earlier this year. He stated that he had not planned to contact my wife and only wanted to visit with my father in-law. I told him to stay away from my wife and to stay out of my marriage. This occurred very near my wife's birthday. I have however not contacted OM girlfriend or his parents.
I do not want to give the impression that my marriage is in terrible shape. It is mostly the same as it was prior to my wife's affair. I now understand and believe Dr. Harley's material and am very interested in preventing any more affairs in my marriage. I understand the risks of a secret second life and opposite sex friendships outside of the marriage. I think about this at Christmas and at birthdays, because that is when contact always happened, even after the intense part of my wife's emotional affair was over. My wife has committed to never seeing or speaking with the OM again.
Is there other material out there that is similar to Dr. Harley's? Is there a way I can bring in his materials in a less direct way? (I am not sure I like the way that sounds). Trust has built in me through the checking I have done and the way my wife is acting, which is back to pre affair times. But I am still left waiting for "the other shoe to drop" Meaning I want to prevent this from ever happening again. I want to implement extraordinary precaution.
I know my post can serve as an example of what not to do. If nothing else it can serve that purpose but any additional help you can give me would be helpful. I very much appreciate the time and experience each of you brings to this forum.

Give her the SAA checklist. Is she willing to do it? As Dr. Harley likes to say, she doesn't need to believe In the program, just follow the steps.