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Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 2
L
Junior Member
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Junior Member
L
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 2
Happy New Year, ready to give up and call it quits. My stbx dropped bomb on me in end of Dec, 2014. She had said that marriage was over and that she was unhappy and has given up trying to love me. I kind of pushed her to her limit because I was being jealous, suspicious...that she was cheating but I wasnt sure, I was also complaining of lack of intimacy and that she never wants to initiate. I did all of the things I shouldnt have like crying and begging and using the kids as an excuse to make the marriage work. She was very hurtful and simply just tried to break me from that point on to July when I discovered that she was in love and carrying out a full blown affair with her boss who is almost 20 yrs older than her she is 32. She said that I should just give up and stop trying to make things work. She said that I would have to grieve and she has moved on that I should. In those long months in between I was seeing a mc for myself and psychiatrist also was going to the gym and dieting. She always had stated that she wanted a divorce and that we will get one but she never filed. In July after her affair discovery she found out that I was talking and calling her bosses wife and we started flirting and texting. His wife knew about the affair 6 weeks before me and had left him already. My stbx read our texts and became enraged and jealous and actually called her to tell her to stop calling and talking to me, which she did. I thought that she was trying to make our marriage work by agreeing to stop seeing him and we were getting intimate with each other pretty much every day. Her boss according to both his wife and mine has an advanced phase of MS and has serious ED issues which my stbx claimed wasnt important to her. So it has been a roller coaster ride especially with the court, lawyer fees, arguements and too make a long story short we have exhausted our money, we are both currently unemployed, I am about to start a training program in 2 weeks. We are currently still having alot of sex since she found out 2 months ago I was sexting another woman. My stbx has been away with her family and left me our 2 boys for the Holidays. While she was gone i went thru her closet and found anniversary and birthday cards and movie tickets from October and November which proves to me that she is still with him. I had kicked her out of the bedroom and was sleeping in the livingroom but since she found out about my friend she has been sleeping with me. Mind you that she said to me that she is sexually addicted to me and that sex is the only thing we have in common. She says I was her first and we have been together for so long that she can not detach from me and will not ever. We have been having the best hottest sex ever sometimes twice a day but I get emotionally attached as well plus we have been doing everything together like a couple eating, dating, gym, shopping, sex in motels in the car like when we used to date all of this before she left to see her family in another state 2 weeks ago. She also got pregnant a month ago but aborted it. After all this she still says she wants the divorce finalized and wants to stick around living together until she is ready to move with no exact date. In these days that she has been away I have been really thinking of all the things that she has done, the way she hurt me, lied, cheated and not show any remorse at all for me or the kids. I haven't called or texted her and she hasn't even called to say Happy New Year. I have been crying every day and grieving listening to music which I was afraid to do before, I was fighting it for this long. She is obviously in love with him and I sadly have come to the conclusion that I dont have any more fight left in me and I am giving up. I can forgive her for the hurt she has caused me but I cant forgive her for the pain she had caused and will cause my kids in the future. I am lost on how to deal with her when she comes back in the weekend and I start school full time in 2 weeks and we are both broke. I really have no more faith, trust or respect for her and I dont plan to be sexual with her anymore. This is the first time I have posted online about this so please excuse me if I jumped all over, I have left so much out please feel free to ask anything. I still somehow love this woman but I think I have lost the battle for her love a long time ago. Also I have been wanting to send her a break up song video that simply states that I am givin up but I havent yet because it might make it seem like im being weak...which in reality I am.

Last edited by lost4ever; 01/01/16 04:40 PM.
Joined: Mar 1999
Posts: 2,121
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Joined: Mar 1999
Posts: 2,121
Hi lost4ever,
Welcome to MarriageBuilders. This is a difficult place to be but the best place to resolve your problems.

It's obvious you are confused and frustrated. Let's get some of the facts out so it'll be easier for members to help you.

How long have you and your W(wife) been together?
How long married?
How many kids and approx. ages?
How long has the affair been going on?
How did you discover it?
The affair was with her boss. Does she still see him?
Are you still talking to/texting other women?
Who all knows about the affair and your desire to save your marriage?
Are you currently still living together?

You'll get more questions but these will help for a start. Please answer the questions so others can continue to help you.

We can help you to possibly save your marriage or save yourself, whichever road you choose to take.


Dday- Feb 1998
Recovered!!
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 2
L
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
L
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 2
We have been together 17 yrs and married for 15.
We have two boys older one is 15 and the younger one is 6.
The affair has been going on for at least 1 year and they have been close friends for at least another year.
I always had my suspicions but found proof in July when I found a card from him stating that she is his first true love.
Yes ahe is still seeing him but bot as often as before I think.
Yes I am still talking and texting with my female friend.
Her parents, sister, her girlfriend,her boss, her bosses wife and parents, bosses son who is 18, head of hr from their job, my family, landlady, neighbor they all know.
We are still living together.
We are close to settling and finalizing the divorce.
Only issues are she doesnt want to give a date yet when she is leaving and I want no child support for life from either of us.



Last edited by lost4ever; 01/01/16 06:38 PM.

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