Yes I have been snooping. So far everything has been great. Any suspected discrepancies have been explained by him. I don't know how to figure out if he has secret social media accounts, texting accounts, or secret devices. I'm not sure how to find that out? The only discrepancy so far that hasn't been explained is the Verizon data utilization. It says that "social media and networking" are the third most used thing on the data utilization chart. He says he isn't sure what is causing it, but we have both noticed that Safari does keep "Facebook" web activity in under the web data list (under settings, general, Safari, advanced using an iPhone). I'm going to call today and see if it is an honest mistake.

I have a better idea how I would start plan b now if needed. So far things have been better. He was able to prove that he was not on the phone with the girl coworker on his iPhone. It didn't rule out the store phone and and secret device or secret app on the iPhone.

He DID finally transfer stores and is working with an all male crew except for one woman. I could cry I'm so happy about this part....

If you have told him you are snooping, the entire exercise is pointless. The idea is to find out what he is doing in secret. You need to get some spyware slipped onto his phone without his knowledge and plant a VAR secretly under the seat of his car. Together those will give you everything you need to know.

Unfortunately iPhones don't have great spyware. I could spy theough the cloud but all you have to do is sign out of the account. You can also switch SIM cards as a means of hiding information and I'm not sure how you would find out if that's being done. How do I snoop without asking for passwords? I looked at his Verizon records last night. I did it by changing the password so I could use the website. It upsets him when I do this because now he doesn't have the same password.

Also, he knows I'm writing on the forums because of the PORH. How are we supposed to be radically honest and use POJA and snoop at the same time? I mean, forums are a kind of social media, correct?

You put spyware on his phone so you can see everything that is typed, just like a keylogger.

Did you call the phone company to find out about how the charges posted?

Snooping is something you do not need to negotiate because you are both 100% entitled to do this whenever you wish. Married couples need to be an open book to one another. Snoop until it is too boring because you know everything you need to know. This will help with your anxiety too.

I'm not going to answer the rest of your question. Someone needs to respond privately to you or you can search around. Everything is possible. I was able to find out about my XH's cheating and he never used the internet at all for his affairs.

The following is my understanding and also what has worked in our situation to keep our Takers in check...

Snooping is the practice of checking up on your spouse for the purposes of accountability and building trust through verification.

Disclose to your spouse that you will be snooping for the reasons I just mentioned. Disclosing the METHODS would invalidate the process.

However, Dr. Harley has said (MBR) that as far as he is concerned, there is no privacy in marriage.

In some situations, warning your spouse that you will be snooping would also be a mistake. Disclosing works only in a relationship where both have agreed to extraordinary precautions.



So snooping does not really fall under the PORH except as a verification/accountability tool.

Have you read this?
Snooping: Is it wrong? Or, is it the right thing to do in marriage?

So, the phone company verified that it could have been the clash of clans app that was causing the "social media and networking" data usage because it uses a Facebook platform.

I have not found any GREAT key loggers for an iPhone. I can use one, but I'm not going to get in-app info a lot of the time and the ones I was looking at do not record private browsing history. You can text message through safari.

Yes, I have always loved the snooping article. It made me feel justified doing something that I become sort of obsessed with.

Thank you all for the advice.

You weren't wrong to become obsessed. Dr. Harley says to snoop until snooping is boring. Snooping is not boring in your case because your husband is living a lifestyle that leads to an affair.

You can look in Settings:Privacy:Location Services:System Services:Frequent Locations and view maps of everywhere the phone has recently been taken, along with dates and times.

Thank you. He had that setting turned off.

Turn it back on. If he doesn't know about it, you might well be able to sneak it by.

He knows about it

Please guys, can someone link me to the "search island" described in the FAQ section? The only search bar I can find searches the site and not the forums.

Edited to say: found it!

Also if anyone can provide links on "borderline personality disorder", whether by Doctor Harley or on the forum, that would be great.

Why has someone been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder?

Also, I've heard Dr. Harley say that unless the person is harming themselves, borderline personality disorder is a misdiagnosis.

Thanks for the quick responses! No diagnosis. My husband doesn't want to attempt to address the problems I have with him sometimes until we have addressed my problem: BPD. He says that I am too crazy for MB to work because of the way BPD makes me act. He says I am too emotional and that I will never be happy no matter how much he changes. He has asked me to go to a doctor to get back on my medication. I don't think he really wants to give MB 100% until I do this. I'm unconvinced I have BPD. The last time either of us self harmed was a year ago. Im excited to listen to the part of the radio link that talks about BPD, but it only talks about whether or not a couple should have children

Who diagnosed you? A psychiatrist?

Have you written Dr. Harley?