There is no diagnosis. Sorry if my previous comment was confusing.

But you said he wants you back on medication. Medication for what? And is your H saying you have borderline personality disorder?

This is a disrespectful judgment from your husband. This is abuse.

You need to go to Plan B until your husband eliminates abusive behavior like this.

I was taking lorazepam and sertraline for anxiety. I started back up on the sertraline after my last baby was born, but it did nothing. I guess I have just been on and off of it too many times to work anymore. Yes, he is absolutely sure I have BPD.

Markos, I am finding it difficult to plan b because of finances

"You have BPD and are crazy" said by every man who wanted his wife to shut up.

Okay, but you have to make this work. We all find it difficult to follow the plan here. But you have to do it if you want things to get better.

Once you get into Plan B for a little while you will find that a lot of your anxiety goes away!

I agree with markos.

Hersheykiss your H should move out and you go into Plan B. He will have to make it work on his salary. If he isn't serious to make his marriage work then he will have to figure it out when you divorce.

At this point he has done so much changing for me that separation would feel like an extremely ungrateful move.. Am I supposed to separate from him on a day when he has been genuinely good to me all day? Or wait until the next disrespectful judgement? I do have partial plans in place for what I need to do for plan b if it is truly warranted. I want you guys to hear his side though.... Maybe I am the one who is causing all the problems. I don't THINK I am? It would be nice for you guys to hear his point of view though so maybe you guys can have a complete understanding.

Will he post here?

Regardless of how it feels to him, if you want this to get better, you need to follow the plan - Plan B unless he is willing to eliminate the abuse. Disrespectful judgments are abuse. You relate new instances of abusive comments from him here every week.


Plan B is truly warranted until and unless your husband is willing to stop making abusive comments.


That's impossible. It is always a load of horse manure when a spouse is disrespectful and says their spouse is causing it. Always. We don't need to hear his side to know that.

No matter what you are doing, it is possible for him to learn to refrain from abusive judgments.

I know you aren't listening to the radio show because Dr. Harley addresses a situation like this every week on the show.

I do listen to the show! I have to consider an alternative point of view though because my mom is pretty crazy and he says I'm like her. She doesn't listen to anyone. I don't want to be like her in that I want to be willing to change if I'm being unreasonable. My dad also says "you women are crazy".

I've asked him to post here. He tells me it hurts him that I am even doing it. A couple days ago he did say "maybe I SHOULD post on the forums". I know he feels alone and wants someone to talk to about these problems. Or, that's what he had said at least.

Please remind me, how old are you and your H?

I'm 27 and he is 33

I am sorry you have been so abused your whole life then.
Your husband is being very very disrespectful.
Dr H talks about what living in abuse/neglect does to women- it makes them anxious, they start to have physical problems, some literally do loose their mind and others eventually take their life.
We just don't handle it well.

The solution is for your husband to learn how to treat you the way you need to be treated & I guarantee - most of your "mental issues" will fade away. ( I do not believe you are crazy but suffering from years of neglect & abuse- reading what you have written here brought me to tears - it is so incredibly awful)

If you want an alternative point of view- talk to Dr H, or others like us who are not emotionally invested in this guy or you at all & can be objective.

He and us will have the clearest idea of what is going on.

Couple ideas-- figure out a way to go get a job. The state can help with daycare- but I believe it will help your self esteem & plans if you do need to leave.
Go down & talk to the abuse shelter in your town. They are wonderful & kind- you don't have to be leaving your DH, but they have some great group or individual counseling. Or even volunteer. You might be surprised what you find out while you are there.

Great post Elaina

The only unreasonable thing I see here is that you are bound and determined to believe that you are to blame for your husband being disrespectful and abusive, even though 100% of the people posting to you have told you this is not true.

Which is ridiculous.

We can't help you.

The Marriage Builders plan is like an effective diet. It works when followed.

Don't ask him to post here. You need a place where you can hear something besides his perspective.