My husband and I are high school sweethearts. We've been together 12 years, married 4. We have 2 sons a 3 year old and a 10 month old. Our 3 year old is autistic so we are emotionally drained all the time and we end up taking it out on each other.

Just a few days ago my husband approached me and told me that he felt like we had lost our spark, our connection. I listened and said we needed to work it out. The next day was a different story, we got into a minor argument and things went south. I could tell in my husbands face that he wasn't happy. So I asked him if he wanted to stay or leave. With tears in his eyes he kept saying I don't know and this relationship is all I've ever know. He left for a few hours to clear his head and ended up calling me to tell me that he wanted to work it out.

The day after that I asked him if he had been seeing someone else and after many failed attempts he admitted that he had been taking to a woman that he met where we worked for 5 months and that he had feelings for her, he told me nothing physical occured that it was just talking about life. He told her he wanted his family and he stopped talking to her 2 weeks ago.

I'm literally crushed. I haven't been able to think straight. I want to be with my husband, but I don't know how the steps to take to forgive him. How do I trust him again?

Hi TMF90, welcome to MArriage Builders. I am sorry for the reasons that have brought you here. You are at a very critical, sensitive point in your marriage and if you don't proceed with caution on a very narrow path, you will make it much harder to save your marriage.

Your critical next step is to stop asking him about the affair and start doing some sleuthing. You can't deal with this without the facts. Find out who the OW is, where he met her, and her background. Is she married? Does she have a facebook page?

Look at his cell phone bills and see if you can get into his phone to read his texts.

Once you are armed with the facts, we can help you kill this threat to your marriage.

He deleted all the text messages and her phone number. He said she has a new job so he no longer sees her everyday. I only know her first name so I am not able to find a Facebook page for her

Check your cell phone bill for recurring nu. Then reverse look up. To feet a name

*numbers

You need to know everything about her. I would check his cell phone bills and do a reverse cell phone look up on her using http://www.okcaller.com/index.php. You can also retrieve all of his deleted texts using Wondershare MrFone http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2823695#Post2823695

So start by doing some serious snooping. You can't move forward unless and until oyu have all the facts about the OW.