It wasn't necessary at the time since he was paying the truck...but after the last couple days my friends and family and ME see its value. At least my cousin is trying.

WH is refusing all contact with my IM.

He just emailed me as well telling me he was blocking all communication from her and that WE can just keep it business.

Do I email him back and tell him no more emails from me? If he doesn't use my IM there will no more responses?

Close your old email account and start a new one.

In fact, change all your contact info and the locks so he can't get access to you.

Have the IM set up another new account, send it from the current account telling him it is your new email. Then close your current email. He doesn't need to know that the account of ou send him is run by your IM.

If he can't get to you, he will use the IM account or the attorney.

WH doesn't have an atty. My atty is legal advice and document prep only...he is not on retainer.

Good idea about fake email acct for IM.

Send him a Plan B letter that goes something like this:

My Dearest __________,

This is a very hard letter to send, but I feel I must do it in order to protect myself.

Until your affair ends, and you are willing to follow a plan that resolves anger and substance abuse issues, I will avoid seeing you or talking to you. My cousin, _________ has agreed to act as an intermediary on my behalf. If you want to communicate about any pertinent matters regarding finances or legal matters, it will have to be through her. Otherwise, I won't get the message because I have set up my email to delete your emails after I send this message.

I ask that you respect my decision to separate from you in this way. You must know about the suffering I have endured because of your relationship, and I simply cannot be in direct contact with you under these conditions.

As soon as you are willing to get help for your anger & substance abuse problems; permanently end your relationship, follow precautions to avoid absolutely any contact with the other person, and join me in a plan to restore our relationship, I will be wiling to discuss our future together with you.

I hope that we will be able to rebuild our marriage some day. I want us to be able to meet each other's emotional needs and to avoid doing anything to hurt each other. We can build a new lifestyle together in which everything we do makes us both happy. Then there will never be a reason for us to be separated. I want to be your best friend, someone who is always there for you when you need me. And I want you to be my best friend.

I cared for you when we married and I continue to care for you right up to this day. But I cannot be with you or help you as long as you are in this relationship.

With all my love,
(signed)

After you send this, you must block his email so he can't get through. Do the same thing on your cell phone, block his #.

I sent that exact letter a few weeks ago minus IM stuff.

His cell is blocked...dunno if msn blocks email but I'll check

I Just WROTE that letter so you couldn't have sent it! The whole point of the letter is to a) go into Plan B [which you have never done!!] and b) to give him the contact information about your intermediary. [which you have never done!]

I had this sample letter from this site somewhere. I went dark on NC...except the truck. But a similar letter was sent a few weeks ago!

But now...it's NC period. I don't want more hurt...cuz you guys are right...it just sets me back.

I must have googled sample plan B letters...lol

I just wrote that letter. And no, you have not been in Plan B. You have been in Plan C. [plan "compromise"]

You need to send the letter because you have NEVER been in Plan B. He needs to know that you are REALLY cutting off contact.

He probbaly is not going to take you seriously at first, so you need to make sure he doesn't get any messages to you.

Ok....I just sent your letter Melody...and block his email!

good girl!! Now call your cousin and tell her what you have done. If your H tries to reach you, it is very important that you do not let that happen or he will know he can get around this.

Waywards HATE Plan B because they hate losing control, so you have to be prepared to stand firm. Can you do this? Are you prepared?

Yup!

And be prepared for your H to send messages trying to encourage your cousin to manipulate and guilt you into direct contact. I hope your cousin does not show you those, but I assure you she will get them. He will call you "immature" and rant and rave. When that doesn't work, he might throw a crumb out there like "how are we supposed to know if we can work this out if she won't talk to me??" When that doesn't work, he might barge into your house.

Typically, the WS hates losing control and will do everything - OTHER THAN MEET YOUR CONDITIONS!! - to get access to you.

So, he will either meet your conditions 100% or he won't. If he does, then you will have a recovered marriage, if he doesn't, then you are better off without him!