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OlderWiser #2875373 01/30/16 03:21 PM
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Originally Posted by OlderWiser
[I wholeheartedly agree with you that her WH has lots of issues that must be dealt with, and it's better to be apart from such a person. But if she still feels love for him, she will reject outright any suggestion that she simply let him go..

I don't see her rejecting it at all. I see a woman who is battling her - wrongheaded - emotions and needs support in that regard. Her situation is far more complex than just the death of an affair. I hope you will help and encourage her in staying dark and focusing on creating a life without her husband. She will achieve happiness, good judgement and sanity much faster than holding out false hope.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by Alwayslookingup
Found out who OW daughter and family is. Do I FB expose to them or let it go? I never had family info before when I did it. Now I do.

I would not. Because you are in Plan B and because I don't see how more exposures is going to do anything other than create blowback for you. Your H has left and filed for divorce so exposure is not going to gain you any support and won't hurt his affair. It will just cause you grief by keeping you embroiled in his drama and by inviting hatred from others.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


MelodyLane #2875375 01/30/16 03:27 PM
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Ok


BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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A recent Plan B-er, PigletWiglet, recommends removing oneself from social media so you are not exposed to the infidels.

apples123 #2875380 01/30/16 05:01 PM
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Oh I am off FB.


BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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Originally Posted by Alwayslookingup
Oh I am off FB.
How did you find out OW's family now when you couldn't before?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



BrainHurts #2875384 01/30/16 06:10 PM
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Friends said the OW mom died who are still on FB. If I were to have done a FB exposure again now...which I'm not...I could've reactivated my own FB acct and sent OW family the exposure letter. In the OW moms death all the family incl OW daughter were commenting...thus giving me a treasure trove of OW family to send too.

But I think Melody is right...it's kinda too late. My WH already cheated...already filed for divorce and has no need or want to come back.

The celebrate recovery pastor texted me today...said WH didn't go again last night...said WH said he was at a funeral. Means OW mom funeral...means they are still together and my previous FB exposure letter indeed had NO effect on stopping the affair.


BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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I am off FB and have not been on since FB exposure. And here I was thinking my exposure worked since he's harassing my IM so bad over the truck/ins. He's now refusing to pay the ins. Sigh. I'm just disgusted but I'm not gonna wrangle over $55. Turns out he's just an [censored].


BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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Originally Posted by Alwayslookingup
The celebrate recovery pastor texted me today...said WH didn't go again last night...said WH said he was at a funeral. Means OW mom funeral...means they are still together and my previous FB exposure letter indeed had NO effect on stopping the affair.
This isn't Plan B.

If you were in Plan B, the pastor would know not to give you any news of your H. Instead, you are looking for any news you can get about your H, and the pastor is giving it to you. This is the opposite of Plan B, and it is hurting you.


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His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Originally Posted by Alwayslookingup
And here I was thinking my exposure worked since he's harassing my IM so bad over the truck/ins.
The goal of your exposure letter was to expose the affair, so of course it worked.


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
SugarCane #2875388 01/30/16 06:22 PM
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The exposure at the time was only to WH mom and WH and OW friends and coworkers.

The pastor texts me randomly to see how I'm doing. He knows I have blocked his email and have an IM. I don't tell the pastor what he can and cannot tell me...esp since it's so infrequent.

But you're right sugar it impacts me...because I feel bad for him that he is so far goooooone. Then I feel bad in what I know. None of it is good.


BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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Do you still have the same phone number? It would be best to change it.

Dr Harleys plan is so good, it is the simpelest way to preserve your mental health and help you recover the quickest way possible. If you implement the plan right now, you will reduce the damage done to you and you will be over the heartache in relatively little time.

A minister I once heard had a very good comparison on time. He told the story of a man who was walking and carelessly throwing away little stones he had in his pockets. At the end of his walk, most of the stones were gone. He looked closely at the stones and discovered they were diamonds.
As we live, we are careless with time. Every day that is gone, you will never get back. Be aware of the real value of time and spend it wisely.

Do you want to spend your precious time being hurt over and over again? Each breach of plan B sets you back at zero. It will take you longer to recover, all of it time you will not get back.

I had to learn this the hard way and want others not to make the same mistake as I did (it cost me years). If you follow the plan to the letter, you will gain precious time that otherwise would be spend hurt and probably depressed.

Dr Harly's theories aren't just some thoughts written down, but research has been done and all of it is proven to be effective. Your mind will be all over the place, what your instinct tells you to do, is probably not best for you. This plan is.

Do you want to pant for this man and keep hurting or do you want to recover? A year from now, do you wish you implemented the plan today or will you wish you suffered longer? Start your watertight plan B today and you will gain precious time.

Last edited by goody2shoes; 01/31/16 02:26 PM.
goody2shoes #2875399 01/31/16 02:33 PM
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Agreed Goody. I'm doing that. It's hard yes...but it's clear that all his ugliness is still present and he's trying to find ways to make me suffer. Including not paying the ONE asset WH wants. So I'm trying to not let that get me all riled up and wait on court on 3/3. Patience is so NOT my virtue and I realize...slowly here...that the less info and contact the better.


BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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I'm Just irritated that WH thinks he shouldn't have to pay car insurance. Children don't pay insurance. Fiscally responsible adults DO.

It's just manipulation.

He still hasn't tried to finance the truck in his name. I had thought I'd just wait til the first court date 3/3 and let the judge dictate that. But part of me thinks I should have my IM give him the hint so it's done before 3/3 and he can have his quickie divorce. The other part of me thinks wait and let him sink further into his own mess and let the judge decide.

I don't want to respond to his manipulation. But court is a month away and he's messing with assets that affect me and it's scary.


BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
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You need to stop thinking about the d**n truck or anything to do with it. It's just a thing. You are not giving Plan B a chance to work.


Me-BH, 47
Spouse-WW, 47
Married for 18 years
DS, 11
D-Day #1 - November 1998 (7 months after wedding)
False Recovery, 16 years
D-Day #2 - November 2015
WW filed for D - February 2016
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Plan B still means I have business to take care of...while my heart stopped beating...business as usual continues...that is all I'm referring too.


BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
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My job requires my credit to be spotless and my WH is using it against me it would appear. Truck is in my name only. WH has possession of it and wants it as part of the divorce. It's a "thing" I can not just overlook and let my credit get dinged. If my job wasn't so sensitive then I could just let it go past due and take the credit ding...but my job matters and if I lose it to this numb nuts it does me nor my son any good.

I'm not sure why people are so critical of me over this issue. I can't afford to pay if WH does not.


BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
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Plan B is in effect. Emails are blocked. His phone is blocked. I'm off social media. I have an IM on board who knows the drill. I have NC with WH.

Last edited by Alwayslookingup; 01/31/16 07:18 PM.

BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 789
Likes: 4
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Originally Posted by Alwayslookingup
I'm Just irritated that WH thinks he shouldn't have to pay car insurance. Children don't pay insurance. Fiscally responsible adults DO.

It's just manipulation.

He still hasn't tried to finance the truck in his name. I had thought I'd just wait til the first court date 3/3 and let the judge dictate that. But part of me thinks I should have my IM give him the hint so it's done before 3/3 and he can have his quickie divorce. The other part of me thinks wait and let him sink further into his own mess and let the judge decide.

I don't want to respond to his manipulation. But court is a month away and he's messing with assets that affect me and it's scary.
Don't give in. Ignore him and his manipulation, pay the insurance for now and get it straightened out 3/3.

Plan activities that are about you. Keep yourself occupied, have coffee with old friends, paint your toenails, sing karaoke, take a long walk. Keep your mind occupied with more important things, like the choice between pink and red nailpolish.

goody2shoes #2875414 01/31/16 07:57 PM
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And I still think you need to change your phone number.

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