Hi All,

New to the site, been an active member of TAM for a while.

Lets take it from the top.

Approcahing my second divorce. First marriage was to my high school sweetheart, was very short lived. Ended on great terms, we both knew it wasnt going anywhere.

Met second wife while separated (8 years ago). Love at first site for me (and i thought her as well, more to come on this). She was 6 years younger than me 31 and 25. I thought I had found my dream girl, everything I could ever want in a women. She was loving (overbearing at times), beautiful, supportive. The total package. I felt she was way out of my league and I couldnt believe how lucky I was (co-dependencey).

Our first months of dating were rocky, she wound up moving out of state after 3 months and we broke up. Sure enough, 6 weeks later I was driving her back home and we were back as a couple. 3 months after that we moved in.

Fast forward 6 months we are now living together, 6 months after that engaged then married a year later.

Just prior to us getting married things started to change, the affection came down, sex halted to maybe twice a month but she had some health concerns so I attributed it to that and we proceeded with the wedding.

Almost immediately after starting having problems, she claimed that we had nothing in common. I tried to change, take interest in her hobbies. She would say not only did I need to go but I also needed to like it???

Anyway, we went on like this for about 2 years, no real fights just little comments here and there. Nov 2013 we had a conversation how she wasn't happy and wanted a divorce (this was right after church. I was devastated. She asked me to move out so I did (mistake now obv). I was out for anout a week, pleaded to have her work on it. She agreed and I moved back in, we started MC.

During MC is was a anger dump on me, How i did everything wrong and I needed to make all these changes. So I did. Within a few weeks I was a new man! Even the MC said how remarkable it was. Now, the MC started to turn her attention to my wife, once this started happening MC stopped. The wife claimed she was on my side and she didn't want to go back to her. She had said she would find another MC, this never happened.

Fast forward to end of Dec 2013, she returns from a trip. I find a text from a Guy on her phone asking how the rest of her night was. The text had no history which was a huge flag for me so I started to investigate. Turns out shes been chatting with him for over 2 months with mutilple texts going back and forth while I was away/asleep/not around. I finally approvached her and said I was unhappy and needed her to leave (didnt mention anything about the affair). I left the apartment for the night and said she had two days to get out.

The night I left, I saw mutilple calls and texts to him and then a cab receipt. She was with him that night!! Needless to say it was time for a divorce.

We filled the paperwork and started the proceedings...I had started to date about a month after and realzied I was still in love with her and still wanted to be with her. Mar of 2014 I reached out to her and we met up (no contact at all between these times). We met and feel instantly back in love, we were back living together 2 months later.

Things were really good for about 6 months. The problems started up again. Her mainly telling me she wasn't happy, we don't have anything in common. So naturally I started looking for another affair and found some text from a lawyer from her home town. Figured she was looking for divorce advise again (more to come).

We had a conversation May of 2015 how she wanted out (conicedently this was right after a great walk in the park completely out of left field.) I had said this is a marriage, we don't just leave. We need to work on our problems. Lets go back to MC...she said ok (this never happened).

Fast forward to present day. Jan 3 2016 (after we had just gotten back from a family trip on Xmas where she came out and said to me I was the best thing to ever happen to her and she doesn't know what she would do without me) we get into argument over text about bills. I told her I was coming home to discuss only to find her moved out. Very limited contact since (we tried to work out an arrangement on debts and property, I had asked her to get together to discuss trying to work it out, she declined) No contact for about a month now.

Papers have been filed. Since then I have found a journal that she left behind. Among the many damaging comments (one being how she married me for safety and comfort, that she never loved me nor was attracted to me dated 2013). There was also a accusing letter from someone she knew about how she was in love with her now Lawyer (yes the same from earlier). He is not married. I see that she started 'liking' his selfie photos on facebook and its making me sick, I canceled my account.

For those of you who are still with me, I know the feed back from TAM-This is dead as disco...

Im asking you folks this, should I be fighting to make this work? Am I crazy to even think that? (probably. Is there any other angle I should be considering here?

Thank you in advance for your help!

Hi unbe, welcome to Marriage Builders. I agree with the folks at TAM, this is a dead deal. Your marriage started out so bad that you probably set the stage for failure way back then. First off, you were married when your relationship began, but the killer was that you lived together.

Living together before marriage is a surefire marriage killer. You and your wife developed renters habits that destroyed your marriage. What I mean by that is that living together is a tenuous, temporary arrangemnet until something better comes along. It is like renting a house. You are just there until you see something better. You don't do any neecssary repairs on the house, you just leave when the rental house falls apart from neglect. That is what your wife has done all along. Additionally, she has probably had multiple affairs and will have more when the spirit moves her.

You would be much better off finding someone you can love who is not a renter. Don't live with a woman in the future and don't date while married. Give your relationaship a chance to start off on the right foot and you will have a great marriage if you also implement the concepts of Marriage Builders.

A book you really need to read is Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders. It will help you understand how you unwittingly set the stage for a fragile, renters relationship.

If you will educate yourself on how great marriages work, you can have a great marriage with someone else in the future. I am in my 3rd marriage and have finally figured it out. The 3rd time can be a charm!

thank you for your response..while I know this is the correct route and Im taking steps to get there I still continue to have moments of doubt. It certainly helps to get outsiders perceptive who aren't emotionally invested like I am.