Smallpeace...something to add...

After reading your threads, I am convinced that there are some love budgets you do repeatedly that drive your husband crazy....and you for whatever reason don't have empathy forhow much it hurts him. So even though I suggested the online program to help him be accountable for his outbursts, you will need to figure out what it is that is setting him off and change those behaviors. The online program will help you be accountable too.

Lol. I meant love busters.

Thanks so much for your replies, DidntQuit. I will reconsider the accountability program. I have read the link about how to negotiate when you're an emotional person. I should probably try to get my husband to read it, but I don't think he's read any of the links I've sent him yet. I've tried to tell him some of the same stuff that's in the article. That was actually kind of what started the whole thing this time- we were talking about angry outbursts and disrespectful judgements and he started explaining why he feels he needs to do them even though he knows they hurt me, which led to him getting emotional and doing them again.

I'd read the incompatibility article before, but thanks for reminding me about it- it's a good one. I'll try to get him to read it too.

I'm sure I must be doing love busters too, but when I ask him what I'm doing that he wants me to stop doing, he says that I'm not "doing" anything, it's just that he feels like I'm not in love with him and never really was. And he's been reading love busters for the past couple months so he knows what those are. So I feel like I need to focus on meeting his emotional needs instead. There are definitely a few things I was doing before that I've been working on stopping (independent behavior, and arguing), and he said they aren't as much of a problem any more.

He also blames me (partially, at least) for "ruining his life" because he's not where he wants to be in his career and thinks that's because I convinced him to have a serious relationship with me when we were younger and he should have been focusing on his career. I thought he could focus on his career and be in a relationship with me at the same time, and he says he wound up sacrificing his goals because he thought it would be worth it to be with me, and now he feels like he doesn't have a good career or a good marriage. He keeps asking me to acknowledge that I was wrong and apologize for what I "did", and can't seem to get past this. When he's in this kind of mood, he doesn't seem to see the good things in his life.

Anyway, we had a productive discussion 2 nights ago where he agreed to work on the program again, but of course by now I realize that the situation is volatile and could blow up again any time.

That man is crying out for a conversation with Dr Harley. I would say that a single appearance on the radio show would do more for him than a year of trying to do the MB programme alone.

Dr Harley says that when we have successful marriages, that does more for us than success in any other area of life. Your H was right to have put his marriage first; it's just that he lacked the tools and knowledge that he needed to create a satisfying emotional life, and now he seems determined to give up on the marriage altogether.

Since you seem to be making some progress with agreeing to do MB, would you be willing to broach the subject of an email to Dr Harley at the radio show, explaining the main points of this thread, and agreeing for you both to go on the radio show? I really think you would turn a corner by doing that.

Yes!!