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Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
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Joined: Dec 2015
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Actually, it turns a woman OFF and just gives an already detached female justification for having an affair. "he neglects me, hasn't loved me in years" blah, blah, blah" So I guess if you want to hand your wayward wife some more ammunition with which to shoot you, that is the way to go. The million dollar question is how to execute Plan A without appearing sappy, needy, saying "ILY" constantly, etc. It is also very difficult to do this with a WW who is cold, detached, and actively working against you and communicating with OM. It's easy on paper but very hard to execute in real life, when emotions cloud your judgment.
Me-BH, 47
Spouse-WW, 47
Married for 18 years
DS, 11
D-Day #1 - November 1998 (7 months after wedding)
False Recovery, 16 years
D-Day #2 - November 2015
WW filed for D - February 2016
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Actually, it turns a woman OFF and just gives an already detached female justification for having an affair. "he neglects me, hasn't loved me in years" blah, blah, blah" So I guess if you want to hand your wayward wife some more ammunition with which to shoot you, that is the way to go. The million dollar question is how to execute Plan A without appearing sappy, needy, saying "ILY" constantly, etc. It is also very difficult to do this with a WW who is cold, detached, and actively working against you and communicating with OM. It's easy on paper but very hard to execute in real life, when emotions cloud your judgment. Plan A means to offer to meet her needs in the future if she ends her affair and avoid lovebusters. It doesn't say to be sappy and say "ILY" constantly. I think you are assuming certain things about Plan A that just aren't true. Living with a spouse in these conditions is always hard. Unfortunately, we can't help that. 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3 |
I can see how a WW would appreciate the detachment because it helps her get her husband out of her hair while she is having an affair. Yep.
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Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 6
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Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 6 |
I think i'm gonna try the 180 approach from divorce busters. Plan A and plan B do not seem possible in my current situation
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10 |
I think i'm gonna try the 180 approach from divorce busters. Plan A and plan B do not seem possible in my current situation Plan A is certainly possible in your situation. It was expressly designed for your situation. Plan B is not something you should consider until you have done Plan A for several months, and feel you cannot do it any longer. You are nowhere near ready to think about Plan B. Plan A involves tackling the affair and trying to end it. The 180 involves turning your back on what your wife is doing and "detaching" - living your own life and letting her do what she wants. The affair will not end as a result of the 180. When it ends on its own, your wife will not be attracted back to her "detached" husband.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
I think i'm gonna try the 180 approach from divorce busters. Plan A and plan B do not seem possible in my current situation Did you read my earlier post?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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