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Pack his personal belongings (or have someone do it), transfer them to a neutral place, he can pick them up whenever he wants to. You don't need to know how or when or why.
Or do you cling to this kind of contact?
On other threads, you encourage betrayed spouses to expose asap. In the future, you will probably encourge betrayed spouses to do a stellar plan B and not make the same mistakes you are making right now.
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Ok...I will stop posting on others threads.
BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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You're missing her point, always. She was not telling you not to post on other threads - not at all. She was saying that, you would not expose when you first came here - you were terrified, and had to be pushed uphill until you did it. Now you're the biggest cheerleader for exposure. One day it will be the same with Plan B: you won't do it properly now, but one day, when you HAVE done it properly for a while and see how good it is, you'll be the biggest cheerleader for Plan B.
Nobody has the right to tell you not to post on others' threads, and goody was not doing that.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5
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So what is your plan? What is your plan to deal with his stuff?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I honestly don't have a plan. So far what I think I can do is get all his stuff packed up and put into the garage. Then I will have my IM tell him that his stuff is ready for pick up and have my brother and father at my house...to oversee and I will be gone so I don't have to see him.
BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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That is a very good plan. You should do that.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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However, you need a backup for when he does not show. Plastic bags dumped in his driveway works for me.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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I honestly don't have a plan. So far what I think I can do is get all his stuff packed up and put into the garage. Then I will have my IM tell him that his stuff is ready for pick up and have my brother and father at my house...to oversee and I will be gone so I don't have to see him. I think the key is to look at your own thread as if you were someone else, and then think what kind of advice you would give yourself. Then execute on that advice. It's easier said than done, to be dispassionate about your own problems. I need to do that myself as well!
Me-BH, 47
Spouse-WW, 47
Married for 18 years
DS, 11
D-Day #1 - November 1998 (7 months after wedding)
False Recovery, 16 years
D-Day #2 - November 2015
WW filed for D - February 2016
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My WH lives in an apt and refuses to tell me where he lives. So I cannot dump bags anywhere plus there is a couch and dresser etc that I'm not willing to shell my bucks out to rent a u haul just to hand deliver to him. He will have to come to my home. I doubt there will be a problem...buuuuuut who knows.
And yes...it's always more clear to me when seeing what others should do. I'm in the middle of my own forest and I can't see the trees.
BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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I think it's just that my father especially be here to oversee considering the threats he made to my father when he outted private family matters concerning him. That way WH can't come in my house or sheds and and and...there will be rules set in place before he can come....like OW is not permitted on my property...he can't go in my house...etc
BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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I think it's just that my father especially be here to oversee considering the threats he made to my father when he outted private family matters concerning him. That way WH can't come in my house or sheds and and and...there will be rules set in place before he can come....like OW is not permitted on my property...he can't go in my house...etc I did say that this was a good idea. I wasn't being entirely serious about the plastic bags. Do try not to turn this into something else to stress about for weeks on end, like you did with the truck. Just do as you said and give him a date, and have your father there. It will probably be fine and uneventful.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Agreed....tho the truck has yet to be resolved. But I'm hoping he does so quickly.
Last edited by Alwayslookingup; 03/06/16 07:09 PM.
BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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I think it's just that my father especially be here to oversee considering the threats he made to my father when he outted private family matters concerning him. That way WH can't come in my house or sheds and and and...there will be rules set in place before he can come....like OW is not permitted on my property...he can't go in my house...etc I did say that this was a good idea. I wasn't being entirely serious about the plastic bags. Do try not to turn this into something else to stress about for weeks on end, like you did with the truck. Just do as you said and give him a date, and have your father there. It will probably be fine and uneventful. I agree with SugarCane that you should do this.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Always,
Have your IM notify him that his dresser & other belongings will be out by the street at 6 pm the next evening before garbage day. Whatever he doesn't want will be picked up by the garbage service the next day.
You can have them to the curb an hour before the appointed time and then leave. Have someone else, like your father, be in your house in case he tries something funny.
Last edited by Sunnytimes; 03/07/16 07:09 AM.
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I will not put on curb. There is legal liability because he is asking for his things via the divorce. We are still in middle of divorce proceedings. I do not anticipate an issue with him picking up from my garage. My dad and my brother will both be here at my home ensuring no problems arise. They are 6'8 and 6'7 respectively.
BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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I will not put on curb. There is legal liability because he is asking for his things via the divorce. We are still in middle of divorce proceedings. I do not anticipate an issue with him picking up from my garage. My dad and my brother will both be here at my home ensuring no problems arise. They are 6'8 and 6'7 respectively. Can't they take those things to one of THEIR houses, to wait for his pick-up?
Once I was BW. Now happily RE-married!
I was there. It's painful. It's hard.
But it's totally doable and worth it.
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No because that is work for me and my friends...having to move furniture. Plus I would have to rent a U-Haul. My WH can come get his stuff out of my garage and I will be GONE for the drama.
BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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Posts: 428
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Got all WH stuff packed up and put into the garage. Sigh...that sucked. Getting real now.
BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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Handling his things makes you think of him, so find distractions for yourself. Don't look in the garage until it is all gone.
Don't give hum unlimited time to pick it up, make your IM give him a few times/dates that are convenient (for your father to be there, for you to be out of the house).
It is ok for your father to tell him what he thinks of his affair when he collects it.
You are in my prayers.
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