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And then she told him that she doesn't care if I catch her. Yeeeeeah. Right. This is typical wayward talk. She'll say anything to protect herself, including that she doesn't care, in hopes that you'll back off. Consider it a challenge.
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And then she told him that she doesn't care if I catch her. Yeeeeeah. Right. This is typical wayward talk. She'll say anything to protect herself, including that she doesn't care, in hopes that you'll back off. Consider it a challenge. Thanks, but what about what she actually told me in person? She even told me from her own mouth that she sees herself as single and even admitted to the sexual conversation that she's been having with him. She also told me something new that she never told me before. Apparently she had sex with this guy many years ago before we started dating. But it's very weird behavior, she's even lying to him abut some things. She told him that we sleep separately, that's not true. We still sleep in the same bed. She also told him that she hasn't had sex in a long time, that's also not true. Although I'm confused as to why we still have sex when she sees herself as single and us as separated, that part I can't figure out.
Last edited by NickS; 03/02/16 10:23 AM.
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And then she told him that she doesn't care if I catch her. Yeeeeeah. Right. This is typical wayward talk. She'll say anything to protect herself, including that she doesn't care, in hopes that you'll back off. Consider it a challenge. Thanks, but what about what she actually told me in person? She even told me from her own mouth that she sees herself as single and even admitted to the sexual conversation that she's been having with him. She also told me something new that she never told me before. Apparently she had sex with this guy many years ago before we started dating. But it's very weird behavior, she's even lying to him abut some things. She told him that we sleep separately, that's not true. We still sleep in the same bed. She also told him that she hasn't had sex in a long time, that's also not true. Although I'm confused as to why we still have sex when she sees herself as single and us as separated, that part I can't figure out. I don't care what she says. It's all typical wayward fog. There's nothing surprising or shocking in what she has said or done. She's behaving typically. When will you be exposing?
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You're wasting valuable time and energy. We don't care about your WW's fogbabble.
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Did you save the messages!!!!????? Is there a way to export messages from Facebook? Taking a screenshot would be rather cumbersome as it would take quite a few screenshots to capture it all. There's been alot of communication the past few days between the two. 1.) Go to "m.facebook.com" 2.) Click on the conversation you want to load from day one 3.) Click "ctrl + shift + j" 4.) Then copy and paste this in there and let it load all of the message while you sit back and smile I don't understand what this was suppose to do. All it did was bring up some console in Chrome.
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And then she told him that she doesn't care if I catch her. Yeeeeeah. Right. This is typical wayward talk. She'll say anything to protect herself, including that she doesn't care, in hopes that you'll back off. Consider it a challenge. Thanks, but what about what she actually told me in person? She even told me from her own mouth that she sees herself as single and even admitted to the sexual conversation that she's been having with him. She also told me something new that she never told me before. Apparently she had sex with this guy many years ago before we started dating. But it's very weird behavior, she's even lying to him abut some things. She told him that we sleep separately, that's not true. We still sleep in the same bed. She also told him that she hasn't had sex in a long time, that's also not true. Although I'm confused as to why we still have sex when she sees herself as single and us as separated, that part I can't figure out. I don't care what she says. It's all typical wayward fog. There's nothing surprising or shocking in what she has said or done. She's behaving typically. When will you be exposing? Well right now I'm trying to find out how to export the messages from Facebook, not sure how to do it. And, I need a decent keylogger that wont show up as a keylogger on my bank account, she has access to that.
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What's a good keylogger to use? I was going to purchase mSpy, but sadly it shows up on your bank account as mSpy and my Wife has access to my bank account. Buy a pre-paid debit card with cash, and use that today for the keylogger.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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What's a good keylogger to use? I was going to purchase mSpy, but sadly it shows up on your bank account as mSpy and my Wife has access to my bank account. Buy a pre-paid debit card with cash, and use that today for the keylogger. Okay, but I need to find some way to save the messages, with pictures and all. Nevermind, I went into Chrome and clicked "Save As". I now have the entire conversation, pictures and all saved to a usb drive.
Last edited by NickS; 03/02/16 10:47 AM.
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And then she told him that she doesn't care if I catch her. Yeeeeeah. Right. This is typical wayward talk. She'll say anything to protect herself, including that she doesn't care, in hopes that you'll back off. Consider it a challenge. Thanks, but what about what she actually told me in person? She even told me from her own mouth that she sees herself as single and even admitted to the sexual conversation that she's been having with him. She also told me something new that she never told me before. Apparently she had sex with this guy many years ago before we started dating. But it's very weird behavior, she's even lying to him abut some things. She told him that we sleep separately, that's not true. We still sleep in the same bed. She also told him that she hasn't had sex in a long time, that's also not true. Although I'm confused as to why we still have sex when she sees herself as single and us as separated, that part I can't figure out. I don't care what she says. It's all typical wayward fog. There's nothing surprising or shocking in what she has said or done. She's behaving typically. When will you be exposing? I guess it's shocking to me because I've never experienced this level of betrayal in my life before. Everything that she's been telling me is very confusing. Especially since she keeps bringing up the fact that I broke her emotionally and verbally. Okay, so the pre paid card is a no go. They don't accept them. I need something to put on her computer. Any recommendations?
Last edited by NickS; 03/02/16 10:57 AM.
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I guess it's shocking to me because I've never experienced this level of betrayal in my life before. Everything that she's been telling me is very confusing. Especially since she keeps bringing up the fact that I broke her emotionally and verbally. It is the ultimate betrayal. Many people here understand the ain you are feeling. But rest assured that we've all seen this many, many times, and she's behaving very typically. Okay, so the pre paid card is a no go. They don't accept them. That doesn't make sense. They don't accept debit cards? The prepaid Visa cards that you get at Walmart should work anywhere, just like any credit card.
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NickS,
This is all new to you right now and you are feeling overwhelmed. I get it, I was in the exact same place in 2006-8.
The best thing you can do is come up with a plan, and execute the plan. This will allow you to focus on what you can control and not on whatever your WW is doing. Focusing on her actions/motivations/plans will only make you crazy.
(sorry about formatting, I am not good with it)
You have said that you want to save your marriage. OK, if that is the goal, you need to follow Dr. Harley's plan. So your plan should at least start like this, note that some items can be run in parallel, not necessarily 1 must be completed before 2 etc.
1) Get the book surviving an affair and read it.
2) Exposure - When you confront her, DO NOT REVEAL THE EXTENT OF WHAT YOU KNOW, NOR YOUR SOURCES. Just reveal that you know unequivocally.
a) Spyware on phone
b) Spyware on PC
c) List of any and all people that could exert positive influence on WW
d) List of all known contacts of all known affair partners (physical and emotional/fling partners) especially spouses of affair partners
3) PlanA
a) guesstimate of WW top 5 EN's - make list with dates, times to meet these and create reminders for yourself like with Outlook or Google calendar.
b) Self inventory of your Lovebuster behavior - plan for how to make yourself self aware of exhibiting these and then how to stop them, anger management course if needed.
c) Schedule time and activities to provide care for your kids and for activities to recharge your physical and emotional batteries, take up hobby that can fit in with all this stuff, but not burn too much time/energy.
d) Keep in mind, that you need to do ALL of this WITHOUT any expectations of change in your WW. You need to do these things because YOU believe it is RIGHT, because it is who YOU WANT TO BE. You will not get anything good from your WW until she breaks out of the fog. If you do get something good, she is probably trying to manipulate you. She WILL try, trust me.
That's to get started. As you read SAA and learn how to build the plan for yourself, the message board vets can help you tweak it and stay on task.
(sorry about the formatting)
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I guess it's shocking to me because I've never experienced this level of betrayal in my life before. Everything that she's been telling me is very confusing. Especially since she keeps bringing up the fact that I broke her emotionally and verbally. It is the ultimate betrayal. Many people here understand the ain you are feeling. But rest assured that we've all seen this many, many times, and she's behaving very typically. Okay, so the pre paid card is a no go. They don't accept them. That doesn't make sense. They don't accept debit cards? The prepaid Visa cards that you get at Walmart should work anywhere, just like any credit card. Yeah well, there's even a question now of whether our first born is even mine according to what I was reading...I hope to God that isn't true. Which of course would mean she lied about having sex with him before she met me. They just keep on rolling and rolling out don't they? No, it doesn't make sense to me either. But I need to put some kind of spyware or keylogger on the computer, free or otherwise.
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Stay on track, Nick.
Are you getting a pre-paid card?? When?
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Yeah well, there's even a question now of whether our first born is even mine according to what I was reading...I hope to God that isn't true. Which of course would mean she lied about having sex with him before she met me. They just keep on rolling and rolling out don't they? You should set up a paternity test if that is important to you. No, it doesn't make sense to me either. So they don't accept debit cards?
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NickS,
This is all new to you right now and you are feeling overwhelmed. I get it, I was in the exact same place in 2006-8.
The best thing you can do is come up with a plan, and execute the plan. This will allow you to focus on what you can control and not on whatever your WW is doing. Focusing on her actions/motivations/plans will only make you crazy.
(sorry about formatting, I am not good with it)
You have said that you want to save your marriage. OK, if that is the goal, you need to follow Dr. Harley's plan. So your plan should at least start like this, note that some items can be run in parallel, not necessarily 1 must be completed before 2 etc.
1) Get the book surviving an affair and read it.
2) Exposure - When you confront her, DO NOT REVEAL THE EXTENT OF WHAT YOU KNOW, NOR YOUR SOURCES. Just reveal that you know unequivocally.
a) Spyware on phone
b) Spyware on PC
c) List of any and all people that could exert positive influence on WW
d) List of all known contacts of all known affair partners (physical and emotional/fling partners) especially spouses of affair partners
3) PlanA
a) guesstimate of WW top 5 EN's - make list with dates, times to meet these and create reminders for yourself like with Outlook or Google calendar.
b) Self inventory of your Lovebuster behavior - plan for how to make yourself self aware of exhibiting these and then how to stop them, anger management course if needed.
c) Schedule time and activities to provide care for your kids and for activities to recharge your physical and emotional batteries, take up hobby that can fit in with all this stuff, but not burn too much time/energy.
d) Keep in mind, that you need to do ALL of this WITHOUT any expectations of change in your WW. You need to do these things because YOU believe it is RIGHT, because it is who YOU WANT TO BE. You will not get anything good from your WW until she breaks out of the fog. If you do get something good, she is probably trying to manipulate you. She WILL try, trust me.
That's to get started. As you read SAA and learn how to build the plan for yourself, the message board vets can help you tweak it and stay on task.
(sorry about the formatting) Well I might have blown my cover with that one. She was telling him how she thinks I'm spying on her. And when I do the exposure, what am I telling her exactly? That I know she's cheating on me and leave it at that? On your second one, b) So when I do this exposure through Facebook, the idea is not to contact everybody on her friends list? Only people that could have a positive influence on her? On number 3, a), you say to guess on her emotional needs. I already know what they are. But how receptive do you think she's going to be after doing a full exposure? I can't imagine that she's going to be open to it. She most likely will blow up, I know how she is.
Last edited by NickS; 03/02/16 11:41 AM.
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So they don't accept debit cards? Call up a trusted family member and use their credit card. This is not rocket science.
3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)
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Does anybody think exposing this to her private Facebook group that she's in is a good idea aswell?
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Did you save the messages!!!!????? Is there a way to export messages from Facebook? Taking a screenshot would be rather cumbersome as it would take quite a few screenshots to capture it all. There's been alot of communication the past few days between the two. 1.) Go to "m.facebook.com" 2.) Click on the conversation you want to load from day one 3.) Click "ctrl + shift + j" 4.) Then copy and paste this in there and let it load all of the message while you sit back and smile Okay, it's done. I have all his Facebook contacts including his girlfriend's, parents, and his sister's. And my Wife's aswell. The only person I've told about this so far has been her Dad...he kinda gets it. But he's trying to rationalize it by saying maybe she's only "acting out". Did you copy all the affair conversations?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Well I might have blown my cover with that one. She was telling him how she thinks I'm spying on her. And when I do the exposure, what am I telling her exactly? That I know she's cheating on me and leave it at that? If you've read the exposure thread properly, you will see that you are not telling her anything. Why would you tell her? She already knows she is having an affair. How can you "expose" something to her that she already knows? What have you been doing to give away the fact that you are spying? As I warned you before, if you don't get that keylogger on there immediately, she is going to block access to her accounts.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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"find out how to export the messages from Facebook, not sure how to do it. And, I need a decent keylogger that wont show up as a keylogger on my bank account, she has access to that."
What do you mean? You copy and paste them into a text doc using the link I gave you. If this is done on her computer then you email it to yourself and then delete the sent email. This is not rocket science.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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