My wife and I are new to MB. We are just trying ti repair a rocky marriage.

My wife is talking to her friend about our marriage. It is a friend that we see social as married couples. I'm having a hard time with that. She was talking to her because I was not there for her in that way. I am an extremely privet person and I feel betrayed by this.

My question is am I just being petty and its something that she needs to do to deal with our current situation?

E

I would ask her to stop it. That is exactly how affairs begin. It is also very disrespectful of her to continue her relationship knowing how you feel about it.

The Risk of Opposite-sex Friendships in Marriage

Sorry she's talking to a girl friend about this. We have not had any affairs. Just saw our marriage loosing love.

E

eat, we can talk about specific issues, but too often it's like arguing about the color of the carpet as the ship is sinking. What's your plan to restore your marriage? Usually the first things to start with are UA time and love busters. How much UA time are you getting? How can you get in 4 4 hour dates this week?

Have you read the 4 guidelines to successful negotiation? What are some alternatives you would both be happy with?

You should respectfully request that your wife not do that any more. In a marriage, if your spouse does anything that upsets you, whatever it is, she should not do it once you ask her to stop. However, if your marriage is rocky, she might not respect your request and might feel that you are trying to control her and deprive her of the support of friends. If she refuses to stop, you should not turn your request into a selfish demand by being angry, sulking, or in some other way punishing her.

The problem is that a complaint, even when conveyed with the utmost respect, is an irritation in a bad marriage. The spouse that has fallen out of love will see no reason to be considerate or do anything for the other spouse, and will be living her life with a great deal of independence - pleasing herself and not caring how unhappy you are.

You should make your request that she not discuss your marriage with friends - but in fact, that is only a symptom of the rocky marriage that you mention. Your marriage will still be rocky if, for some reason, she stops talking to her friend immediately.

What are the problems in the marriage that make it rocky? How long have you been married, and do you have children? Has there been an affair on either side? Do you argue and fight, and if so, about what issues?

Have you read the free materials provided by Dr Harley on this site, particularly How Dr Harley Learned to Save Marriages, and the Basic Concepts? You need to understand the basic concepts, and how they all work together in a marriage, in order to understand the role that Love Busters are playing in your marriage. You need to identify the love busters you and your wife are committing against each other, and learn how to stop them, and get your emotional needs met, so that you are both happy and in love for life.

What is it she is talking to her friends about? What is she saying?

Today's radio show, March 7th, 2016 might be helpful to this question.