I've been working a second job and trying to just stay busy and keep my mind occupied. I got a collect call from my son just before I got ready to leave work yesterday at 5:00. He burst out "you guys didn't pay my phone bill -- my long distance is shut off!!!" I told him it had been paid, and I'd check it out. Well, I had given my half of the bill to the H and assumed he had mailed it. I called him and he said he had. I was upset over son's attitude, etc, and didn't feel real well. H knew I was upset. I went home and called the phone service provider. Yes, the bill had been paid, but son had run up long distance phone bill of $388.00 to his girl friend. His limit is supposed to be $100. I was pissed and called him. H was there by then. Son got smart with me and hung up. H called him back and told him to learn how to put a stamp on a letter or use e-mail. He then told H how could he even think of telling someone how to run a relationship when he can't even be a husband. Even told husband he was running from all his problems by moving this weekend. H was pissed and they really said a lot of stuff to each other.<P>I called son back later last night and son is so angry at his dad (ongoing). Says he never wants to see him again and when H moves there he doesn't want anything to do with him. I told son while I don't agree with everything his dad has done, I still love him. He said "well, that makes you a loser too". <P>Oh well, 18 year old anger. I'm going to let him cool his heels a while. I'm afraid he will never have a good relationship with his father.<P>I'm doing my best with H. We are going out for my birthday tonight. He acted aggravated when I told him I had birthday plans with my mom and sister. He said "well, that's the first I heard about it". I told him we could go out tonight. <P>He's moving this weekend. Maybe we'll both be able to see things more clearly. Don't know.

Janie - Hugs! I feel bad for you because of the trouble you're going through with H and son. It really complicates matters, it sounds like, to have to contend with a 3rd party such as son who's at the end of his teens. I feel bad for him too and can understand his anger. It really tore my son up inside when my 1st and I separated and then divorced. He was in HS at the time and he got arrested for shoplifting, totaled his car and started drinking, all in the space of about 1 year. But he pulled through, went on to college and now earns more working in the computer industry than I do. So don't lose hope. You can get through these kinds of things more or less intact. I feel least bad for your H, who sounds like he's acting like a bit of a jerk towards your son. Anyway, best wishes for a happy outcome to your situation. Keep us posted! Regards and blessings,<P>--Wex

Aw, Janie, I'm sorry.<P>Awhile ago I thought I'd intercepted something about my 14 year thinking about running away if dad moved out again. Of course he did, so I talked to her. "I'm NOT the one who runs away--that's DAD!" Ouch.<P>Our H's seem to forget that one of a parent's jobs is to role model...and that they are doing just that to kids who are old enough know our spouses are doing the wrong thing.<P>Be strong Janie (you can tell it right back to me). Your H has made some choices that now he has to live with. You don't like it...and he might not either, but the cards have to be played (something like that, I'm not feeling well and my metaphors...bite.)<P>Take care<BR><P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P>

Aaahhhh, Janie, I'm so sorry. I have an 18 yr. old AND a 17 yr. old, and they are different as night and day - BUT - they both drive me bonkers sometimes. I sailed through the teen years with them, I thought. I'm paying now. Parenting is hard enough without problems with the spouse to go with it. <P>Take care!!<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Janie,<P>I hope your son soon learns how to separate a lot of issues. Keys to coping in life.<P>Perhaps this crisis may be a reason to start some family counseling? Would your husband and son go? <P>Maybe just every couple of weeks, and at a location 1/2 way for all of you? <P>Just an idea.<P>Just seems like your son is lumping the affair, excessive phone bill, and who is responsible for the excess, your birthday, and everything else into the same issue, and they are all "separate" issues.<P>hugs to you, hope things get better and more friendly in the family.<BR>TNT