YYou are sure you don't want to save the marriage and go straight to divorce?

Hello everyone I am coming back to you with a 2 month update. So I exposed my husband and he did damage control and convinced everyone but my family that I blew his affair with the OM out of proportions and it was simple conversation. I think they may have been physical. We are still living together I am working on providing for myself and our children. He is still lying obviously I told him I required transparency. I know the Harley's recommend no opposite sex friendships but why's if your spouse is a bi sexual serial cheater? I am at a lose and sometimes I feel like he treats me as if he is the betrayed spouse. I tried ignoring him and no one supported me in my efforts. Here we are sharing a bed and me hating everything about this man trapped here basically. I feel insecure and uncomfortable and paranoid. And on anti depressants.

In your case, married to an unrepentant serial cheater who has no intention of change, regardless of his sexual orientation, Dr Harley would recommend a dark separation.

You should separate as soon as possible.


Then they should have no friends outside of couples who are friends of the marriage.

Is there a link for that?

For what?

Here it is.
How to Plan B Correctly

I can't plan b anytime soon. Maybe I should email dr Harley? That might be a really long email.

Update. I didn't write to the Harley's I didn't know where to start or what to write. We moved an my WH got a new job. Around Christmas time he saw the OWat his job and resumed contact behind my back. She now live in the same state. After I found out she tried to friend me to avoid spilling the beans to her BH. I told him everything and I sent email proof. My WH has managed to manipulate and turn everyone against me. I am the bad wife that "hates" him for no reason. I am of my anti depressants because I can't get insurance. After suicidal thoughts I started self counseling. I feel lost. My husband refuses to agree to a divorce and say he want to fix things but does every opposite. I have been trying to get away for so long now and I feel trapped. Many time I have gave up and thought maybe I should just fix things because I have no choice.

What does this mean? How would you "fix things"?

You should follow the advice that was previously given to you, SEPARATE FROM HIM AND GO INTO PLAN B.

It means I try to make the best of the situation. I engage in conversation, helping him with his needs.", being nice, not love busting. Then he does something to make my efforts in vein so I decided to stop.

I can't separate as I have nowhere to go. I was told my plan of eventually cops renting is impossible. I'm still trying to get a job and I am a student now. We sleep in separate bedrooms and I try to only talk to him out of necessity. I have asked him to leave several times as he had a place to go only a few blocks away! Which means he can see the children and continue to work. My family won't support my des ion in going to a shelter and I feel they will report me to child services and have my children removed.

I also contacted a lawyer and he told me there is nothing I can do unless we separate for a year.

Is that what happens in your country when women fleeing abuse go into shelters? They have their children removed?

Feelings are not truth. Your children will not be removed. You need to separate immediately. You can start by asking him to move out immediately. If he won't do that, then you can go live with family or go to a shelter.

I'll look into the shelters here. I fail to see how this is the best thing for my children and I. While the person who has done so much wrong ends up with a house and praise while my children lose their lifestyle. This really sucks.

Not automatically but he has resources to acquire a lawyer. It could be argued that they would be better off with him because he can provide. His family has been trying to get me to joint the military so they can parent my children for the last year. If I ask them to babysit so I can get a job they won't. I know they will rise to the occasion and offer to watch my children while he works to keep them out of a shelter. Then it will be a fight to get them back.

Do you live in a country where spouses can only divorce if both agree? Where is that?

I live in United States. The lawyers I have see. Said since we have children we can not get divorced unless we separate for one year. The only way we can divorce after 6 months is with proof of an affair. Unfortunately the law does not recognize emotional affairs only physical ones. In my state you can't be legally separated.