We have a similar law here in the UK. The grounds for divorce here are in fact two years' separation , or an affair, unreasonable behaviour, or desertion.

However, that does not mean that a woman has to stay married. What would happen if you filed for divorce? How could you get your case in front of a judge so that he can issue an judgement that your H must move out of the home, and must support you and the kids? Could a separation and eventual divorce be granted on the grounds of your husband's unreasonable behaviour? How can your lawyer help you to get out of your situation?

It just cannot be true that you are forced to either live in a shelter or stay married for the rest of your life.

I fail to see how it is helpful for your children for their only sane parent to be hospitalized with emotional and physical ailments. That is exactly where you are headed. You have a responsibility to protect your children from their fathers destructive influence on your health.

You should demand that he move out. Pack his bags and send him to the door.

You are not an indentured servant so stop acting like you can't separate. You most certainly CAN. You have been given this advice for a YEAR now. It does not take a year to get this figured out. You need to make this happen.

The lawyers said the only thing I can do is file for custody and child support but he said with his earnings he won't be able to pay me the amount of be entitled to in spousal nor child support. I know you can take someone to court to evict them but then I would have to pay the bills which isn't currently possible. I will look up some more lawyers with free consultation. It seems most people outside of marriage builders have the attitude that emotional affair and treating someone bad isn't that bad.

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How is it good for your children for their mother to be "suicidal?"

I do see the seriousness of this situation. I can see immediately why you do not want to put yourself at a disadvantage compared to your husband, and risk losing your kids (or at least the kids you have in common).

Dr Harley advises a woman to plan for a separation, in the case where she needs to move out with her kids. This involves saving money where possible, or getting a job, even if that means getting some training first. The training needs to be whatever will give you maximum earnings in a reasonable amount of time, so that you can support yourself.

I see that you are a student. What are you studying? Will it bring you a well-paid job within a reasonable time? I have heard Dr Harley recommend nursing training to women with no immediate prospect of a job.

Remind me why living with your family is not an option, please.

I said I would look into the shelters I can't move in with family. I have four kids that means five body's to find space and food for. I can't leave them and risk my husband filing abandonment on me. You told me you think I should go the shelter route so I'm not sure what else you think I need to do?

You mean that YOU feel this way? You are expressing your own views here. Your approach has led to this outcome:

He would have to pay the amount that the court deemed he should pay. You should not listen to his attempts to put you off. He is an abusive husband, remember? Why would he volunteer to treat you well in divorce, given how he treats you now? And why would you listen to a word he has to say?

You need to get a court order for support, and let the law deal with him if he does not pay.

You need to get SEPARATED, no matter how that is effected. You have had a YEAR to get this figured out.

I was a certified nurse assistant but since I couldn't find a job it's was canceled so I'd have to renew it. WE were living with my family but they refused to kick him out. They made t clear they didn't want us there and the tension was very high. They let me know they don't support my des ion of leaving my husband because they don't see what he did as "that bad". So I decide to move to a house with him because I can attend school in this state because they have more options. I'm the previous state they only had day class which weren't and option and they didn't have preschool. I am in school to become a nurse with. Associates degree. So my plan was to try to push through it and find a job while getting my degree because two of my kids can attend school here. Then the Christmas affair and I exposed he has been very disrespectful towards me and without my medication I don't want to live in this environment. So that was my failed plan.

Have you fallen out with your family, or are they in some way cruel to you? I do understand that some people are completely estranged from their family, but if that is not the case, and you are only saying that they would not have space for you, I would still ask them directly whether they could help you.

I can't imagine not being willing to help my daughter escape an abusive marriage, unless I were in danger of being attacked or poisoned by her. Are you toxic to your family? Why won't they help?

I do see that you have been trying to get out of this situation, and that you did try to work through a plan - a good plan.

How long will it take to complete your studies now? What are your prospects of getting a job after that?

Why aren't you on your husband's insurance?

They felt my husband was a good guy until they found out he was talking bad about them while we were living there. My parents don't want to be involved in our conflict. My dad was upset that my children were taking over the living room by sleeping on air mattresses. My dad says he is to old to help me. When I asked them for help they didn't want to help me. They most helpful thing they could tell me was to make him help me with my children and stay while doing nothing until my last child is schools he. I don't see how that is helpful and they are going to move into a smaller house with two bedrooms. My family and I don't have bad blood but I have very little faith in them. Also my dad doesn't believe in counseling or depression so that doesn't really help either.

I'm not ignoring you I'm trying to look at all of your posts to reply I am on a mobile device.

It's not in my head that's the responses that I have gotten.

I put him out but I let him come see the children and he refused to leave after the second time because his name was on the lease and it was his house too. I was afraid to call the police and yes I believe it is my fault. I don't feel confident sometimes.

I am trying to be in the best mental and physical state and protect my children I just don't want it backfire on me. So yes I'm afraid

When I said he I meant the lawyer. If the amount is for example $500 with his income he would only be able to pay $10. So the lawyer told me it wouldn't be income I could count on. I don't care if my husband would get in trouble for not paying that would be his issue. I was just concerned that I wouldn't get the amount I needed.

He was military and he got kicked out. When he lost his job he has been working jobs that don't pay enough. I had to get my children insurance through the state but in my state I can't get it as an adult. In his new job he had to do 90 days before he was eligible for insurance but he still can't afford it. We have been living off of dwindling savings to make up the difference in his check. We don't have any extra things except my cell phone for Internet access when the library is closed.

As far as my schooling I'm in the beginning so it will take atleast a year and a half. There are a lot of jobs in this area. I have been applying for any jobs I am qualified for I haven't gotten any results. Ideally I was trying to find something at night to avoid childcare and get my food In the door. The church I attend doesn't have childcare and the others are the same amount as a daycare center. If I got hired at Walmart I would take it because it's a start.

I do sympathise. I think you are in a terrible position.

The thing is, we are really here to give you marriage advice. We can tell you what you need to do, but you must seek legal advice in your state to enable that advice to work.

If you cannot leave tomorrow without giving your husband the advantage in a custody dispute, you need to find a way to get him out of the house. You need to get advice from a lawyer, or from any free advice service that you can find - including Women's Aid-type of advisors who specialise in helping women in your situation. Yours cannot be the first case ever in your state where a woman faces your problems, and there must be some free or affordable advisor somewhere who can give you a plan of action.

We can give the Marriage Builder advice for your marriage - and that advice is that you must separate from your abusive husband. You need to get legal advice so that you can find a way to make that happen.