Not all affairs are romantic, there are such things as Emotional Affairs where the spouse is emotionally invested outside the relationship but not necessarily romantically involved.

The samples I have:
Sharing sympathy towards each other over some news
He made some comments to my wife looking hot in an outfit

What can we do for you? Because if you are not here to follow this program, there isn't anything we can do for you.

The definition of an affair is a romantic relationship outside of marriage. That can be either emotional or physical. If it is not romantic, it is not an affair.

Based on what you said, this is a physical affair. Call a PI. You will have evidence to convince a jury within a couple days.

If you don't expose, she gets to lie with no consequences. Never be afraid to tell the truth. (i bet you told your kiddo this before.)

You SHOULDN'T need to disclose your snooping sources EVER. Even once you have clear evidence. Get the goods and come back here for help.

The fact that he commented on how she looked hot, is a red flag.

Do what Mel suggested and hire a P.I. You need significant facts before telling his wife. Otherwise the affair will go underground and you may never know the truth.

You are wasting valuable time needed to save YOUR marriage.

That is a distinction without a difference. What is the difference between romantic and emotional, when we are talking about a spouse becoming close to someone else?

In fact, it actually does not make sense. How can it be an affair if it is not romantic?

Do you believe she's having an affair, or don't you? And if you do, what do you intend to do about it?

If you're here to teach us what is and isn't an affair, you're wasting your time!

Google this: >"name OM" site:facebook.com<
You will probably find postings/comments of OM on some of his friends FB. Now you know a couple of possible friends.

Also check google images, same search. You will find a lot of avatars, some of those avatars belong to his friends. You will find pictures of friends he commented on or liked.
Now you know more possible friends.

Create new FB account. Play silly game (candy crush), invite lots of game playing strangers to be your friend. Now you have a snoop account. Invite one of his candy cruch playing friends to be your friend (some people friend anyone just for this game).

If this person accepts you as friend, all of a suden you see more posts and photos of OM. You are "friend of a friend" and you can check "likes" to find his friends.

I bet completely locked down won't be completely locked down anymore.

Still gathering facts, she keeps deleting the texts so it's really hard to get any full conversations. I picked up a few things yesterday, definitely some flirting going on along with a proposal if he read a certain book (about relationships) would she sneak out to see him.

But, there is no point to all this if you don't intend on using this intel for exposure. You told us yesterday you didn't believe in bringing her affair out into the public. Has that changed?

Voice activated recorder. Spyware. All stuff mentioned to you earlier. Get them and quick before she takes this underground.

And my advice is to stop questioning those here as to why you need to do something or another. The steps remain unchanged year in and out. They work. All the reasons why they work are on this site and in the books. Get reads.

We're pulling for you bro'.

Mss

Long time no post... been bouncing between expose/no expose (I know exposure is the philosophy of this group) here's what I've got so far:

Texting back and forth (in one text she calls him her lover)
He kept inquiring for her to come spend the night
She's admitted to spending one night with him when I was away but "nothing happened"
When I confronted she admitted to an EA (but not a PA)
She moved out on 4/1
Since then she's been back and forth to see D (but usually left after went to bed or crashed in D's room) she's renting a room.
Lingerie was missing from her drawer last week
As far as I can tell she spent at least 1 night (possibly 3) at his place in the last week (Based on mileage checks before she left and the next day that line up exactly to the distance "his" place and back - 65 miles)

I have shared the A with close friends and family but we haven't discussed exposure and even they are reluctant to expose (not convinced it's the right approach). I also spoke to my pastor who wasn't in favor of exposing.

She hasn't requested a D, only time to figure things out. I believe the A has been going on for at least 12 months, possibly 18 months. OM has already left his W - apparently because he walked in on her having an A but I think my W was twisting this and maybe she walked in on them.

So, how can we help you?

Yeah I suppose I should ask some quesitons:

1) Is the evidence I have sufficient? ie proof she spent the night at some OM?
2) How does one go about trying to convince Family/Friends that Exposure is a good idea? (especially if I myself am not necessarily convinced)

Did you read dr bill Harley's comments on the importance of exposure to recovery?

You don't need to convince family/friends of anything, you just need to do it. Feel skeptical, and do it anyhow.

Exposure is counterintuitive to most people who have not studied the dynamics of affairs. But Dr. Harley has helped thousands of marriages recover from infidelity. He and the people here helping you KNOW that:

1. The affair MUST be stopped if you have any hope of recovering your marriage.

2. The longer the affair continues, the worse your marriage's chance at ever recovering.

3. Exposure is the absolute best tool to kill an affair.

4. Exposure is the best way to protect yourself from your wayward spouse rewriting history where you're the bad guy (which can affect you financially and with custody rights) should your marriage fail to recover, even if you decide you do not want to recover it.

Your family, friends, and pastor may mean well, but they do not know what they're talking about. And so what if they think it's unwise and you do it anyhow. Are they going to banish you because you made a different decision than they would have? It's hardly like your wayward wife checked with friends, family, and clergy to see if it was a "good idea" before she betrayed you.

One doesn't do this. One just exposes. It works whether people agree or not.

In general, life is too short trying to waste time persuading people that you made the best choices.

Convincing your friends and family about exposure is NOT one of the steps in the recovery program. Just follow the program - it works. Don't add steps.

Get it done. Dont ask their approval.

Also, Ephesians 5:11 tells us how to deal with sexual immorality in the church -- Have nothing to do with fruitless deeds of darkness but rather expose them.
Your pastor needs to check his Bible.

Have you talked with OM's BW?