Luckily, we don't have anything like that... Most valuable things are jewelry I bought for WW and she has taken them to her safe already anyway. She requested a stipulation for a painting her father gave to us for our wedding, I told them to hold off on it until D is finalized so I can get a valuation on it.

What I find the hardest to do in Plan A is grinning and bearing it, while there is no reaction from her from me being upbeat about things. She is irritated most of the time and will snap at me for little things. She talks to her L and her position hardens I think. Any suggestions on how to get through this without being completely demoralized about the whole thing?

WW's L is asking about DS's insurance bills, my bonus plan, and trying to attach to get at my potential bonus. The more I think about this, the more I think her effort at D is trying to "punish" me for daring to Expose her affair. She's trying to hit me at the pocket books, leaving no rocks unturned. She's angry and embarrassed by the Exposure to her friends and family.
How should I work my Plan A around this? How should I frame my thoughts to stay on course? The way I've been telling myself is that it's just money, I can make it back later... But how can I deal with the vindictiveness and entitlement that I'm seeing through her actions?

Yes, whenever people tell me that she complained about the lack of privacy, I tell them it was because she had complete privacy for 17 years that's why our marriage is falling apart. You can tell if they are Enablers or Waywards themselves by their reaction to this statement.

That happened to me too. Also all the financial records. Even the house mortgage and title documents were taken ( in my name alone). Six years later and even with a contempt of court, not one thing has been recovered.

Wow, that's scary.
Fortunately, I scanned all of those documents into the cloud when I first found out that she was secretly plotting the D. Especially because the title is solely in my name alone, as a married man. I'm going to start moving the documents to my office at work until she moves out.

Good move :-) Taking the title did not give him the house of course but boy did it make the refinance tough.

Luckily the Grant Deed here is just a photocopy piece of paper, everything needs to go through the county recorder so losing the paper wouldn't be a big deal.

The sad thing in all of this is my WW is not really aware of the actual laws or procedures. She is relying 100% on her L and already ran up enough legal fees for a compact car. Ugh. So frustrating, my DS's future is mortgaged by her D proceedings. Instead of using the court-provided form, her L wrote up the entire settlement using erroneous facts, billing us for the hours.

My L warned her L that he's going to push for sanctions if they don't cooperate on the negotiations, as they are just throwing everything and the kitchen sink at me. We have a statute in our family code in that if the resulting settlement is substantially the same as the one proposed in negotiations, the party than ran up the legal fees will have to pay for BOTH PARTIES' LEGAL FEES.

That is a nice statute.

We will probably have to utilize it. I found out why WW was so cooperative over the weekend (cold, not exactly friendly, but at least going along with things)... Her attorney just filed another 146 page amended RFO, sending it to my L on the very last possible day. Throwing the kitchen sink at me. It's filled with errors and outright lies, falsely accusing me of all sorts of things, making up threats that I never said. She even put words into our son's mouth and made up things that never happened!

Of course my L will not stand for it and sent a sternly worded email back to them.

Ugh... How do I continue to Plan A through this???

This is hard for you. But it is making your WW grow up. I suspect you have had an adult/child relationship with her for many years which is terribly unhealthy for both of you. Disrespect from you and dishonesty from her.

If your marriage can survive this, a different person will return to you. Does that help at all?

You just do, like every other BH before you who chose to try to save his marriage. You just do. One foot in front of the other.

Or you don't, and you go to Plan B.

What you are seeing with the last second filing is typical tactic by an attorney that wants to "work the file" for profit. Oh, and BTW they will put all sorts of lies and BS in their motions to cast you in a bad light.

You attorney should know the best tactic to counter considering the judge you will have. That should be your questions for your attorney, what is his take on the judge and how he tends to rule.

Plan A is really about being at your best. Staying calm and in control of your emotions, being kind and considerate, while being the best of yourself.

Your emotions want you to be angry, maybe have AO's or be bitter or stoop to her level in some way.

Whether you stay together or proceed with divorce, when you look back on this time of your life, which guy will you be proud to have been?

If you continue to Plan A...

If you get back together and she gets out of her fog, she will remember this. She will respect and admire a man who continued to treat her with love and respect even though you received none of it. She will have her lovebank filled by knowing you fought the good fight for her.

If you go through with the divorce, she will also feel this way even if you don't ever see that. Even if she is so deep in the fog she can't see the forest through the trees...she will not be able to talk to family, friends, your kids, and tell them what a monster you became during the divorce because they will have witnessed a very different situation. Don't give her ammunition.

Your kids will see a strong selfless man who fought for his family and even in the worst of times, kept his head held high and handled himself with dignity.

You will be proud of yourself.

There really is no downside to Plan Aing until the bitter end. You just have to fight the negative emotions that want you to lose control and 'react' to her nastiness.

Unwritten is spot on.
Plan A in your situation, is by far the HARDEST thing you will ever do, you probably wont be perfect(none of us are) but keep fighting the good fight. Controlling your emotions and using your brain is a monumental minute by minute fight, that seems to have no end.

You are right it is the hardest thing. The Plan looks so easy on paper but translating into action is so hard. Dealing with my emotions are particularly hard.

I couldn't even look at her last night after I read the RFO. I was so angry and upset, but I didn't say anything at all. I went right to our master bedroom after dinner and avoided her the whole night.

I guarantee you she knew you were avoiding her in anger. This was blow to your Plan A, and made the OM look like the better option. You must control your reactions better than this.

Yes, my L is citing the relevant statutes and pushing against her L, threatening sanctions. He knows the judge (his wife is actually a judge in a neighboring district) which should help a little. The main problem is her L can bill whatever she wants, because my WW knows little about the law and gave her free reign. (She told me she trust her L "completely.")

Thanks, I can never win.
It was either that or I blow up, I rather go hide in my room.

OR you could refine your Plan A.
OR you could go to Plan B.

If you're not willing to do the first, you should do the second.

If it is true that your only options were to either ignore her or blow up, then you definitely need Plan B. You are not in control of yourself, and you are sabotaging your own efforts.

Whenever anybody points out a hole in your Plan A efforts on here, you argue back instead of taking the chance to change your approach. Are you this combative with your wife?

No, I'm trying not to be combative. But I think it was the best thing I could have done under the circumstances.