I think he lying about his feelings for that " thing". He keeps saying she didn't mean anything but the evidence says otherwise.

My h was going through a very rough time at work and then was sexually assaulted whilst at a party by another man.

I do agree with with moving but I won't rent again most of our financial difficulties is because I rented out my first house. It got trashed and I used the last savings I had to sort it out to sell, it sold last Feb but after 5 months of doing it up and paying mortgages it left us broke. The money from sale barely covered the debts I ran up on credit just to live and the worst thing about it is my sister who rented it and wrecked it!

So I am completely stuck at minute due to financial difficulties.

I am going to read what you have advised.

Have I got to let him off lying about his feelings at the time? He very well might believe she didn't mean anything now but at the time I know it was different from what he is claiming? Like you said the evidence says it all.

He was also behaving like they were going to be together one day which means he was going to leave us? His answer to this is it still didn't mean anything and he would have never left especially for someone online.

I've tried AD last year but had adverse reaction so I started IC and I have been referred to phychologist for assessment. Just waiting for appointment unfortunately uk is very slow on these matters.

It was a party at my house for his birthday and to celebrate our moving house.

The man in question is bisexual and a friend of one of our good friends I got on with him well from a previous party. My friends h can't stand him but tolerated him he said he caught him watching him whilst asleep and he creeped him out.

This man came to the party, I was next door, and it was very late as I came from that house my friends h was leaving I said goodbye and asked where my h was. He suddenly went running into house telling me this man had helped him to bed earlier and he had forgot ( everyone was very drunk). When we got upstairs my bedroom door was shut we went in to find this man stood stroking my cat looking at my h on bed (my h was clothed).

We all went down stairs and this man was going he whispered I would never have done anything to him! I found this strange thing to say but never gave a second thought. As I locked up my h appeared dazed. This is unusual as once he had got drunk he ko'd till morning.

I didn't realise the significance of all this till it came out last January the incident happened late 2013. My h does not want to press charges he is frightened he will be made to be a liar etc.

This links to a topic on pornography, can you post the correct link?

I have had IC through NHS no cost to me. I went because this opened up past traumas it was not all about the affair it was about everything I have been through.

"Some counselors think it's a good idea to "resolve issues of the past" by talking about them week after week, month after month, year after year. It keeps these counselors in business, but does nothing to resolve the issue. In fact, it usually makes their poor clients chronically depressed."

I haven't wore my wedding rings for a long time and my h is upset by this. His ring meant nothing when he was taking it off to take the pics of himself! When he was telling these whores he was single/ separated etc. I kept my vows he didn't so they don't mean nothing to me anymore.

He wants to get married again I said no so he suggested getting rings blessed with new vows but again means nothing now I know they can be easily broken.

As a clinical psychologist who has been in direct therapy with 50,000 individuals and supervised over 600 counselors, I have not found that resolving issues of the past does much to help people deal with issues of the present. In most cases I've witnessed, it makes matters worse because it drags the most unpleasant experiences of the past into the present. I know that my perspective is in conflict with many therapists who are trained to treat the past before they can treat the present, but I have yet to see any convincing evidence that this approach is more effective than letting the past stay in the past.

My personal experience is that dredging up the past actually increases the risk of suicide and other dangerous symptoms of mental disorders. Another important reason that I am opposed to bringing up issues of the past is that it wastes time. When you could be forming an effective plan and putting the plan into motion to resolve an issue of the present, you spend months, and even years focused on the past while the problems of the present keep building up, eventually burying the client.

In your situation, I strongly recommend that you not waste your time talking about the past. And don't try analyzing your husband. I know that his affair was a terrible shock to your system, and you want to feel closure. You have been terribly disillusioned by what he did, but the best you can do under the circumstances is look to the future instead of the past. Don't discuss the past with your husband or anyone else for a while, and see if you don't agree with me that it helps improve your relationship and it also causes you to be more relaxed. Focusing on the past causes depression, while focusing on the future with an eye to making it successful causes optimism and gives you energy.
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2413831#Post2413831

"Some counselors think it's a good idea to "resolve issues of the past" by talking about them week after week, month after month, year after year. It keeps these counselors in business, but does nothing to resolve the issue. In fact, it usually makes their poor clients chronically depressed.

My experience as a Clinical Psychologist has proven to me that dredging up unpleasant experiences of the past merely brings the unhappiness of the past into the present. The problems of the present are difficult enough to solve without spending time and energy trying to resolve issues of the past, which are essentially unresolvable. You can make your future happy, but you can't do a thing about bad experiences of the past, except think and talk about them -- and that makes the bad experiences of the past, bad experiences of the present." Dr. Willard Harley

One of the reasons I'm not so keen on dredging up the past as a part of therapy is that it brings up memories that carry resentment along with them. If I'm not careful, a single counseling session can open up such a can of worms that the presenting problem gets lost in a flood of new and painful memories. If the goal of therapy is to "resolve" every past issue, that seems to me to be a good way to keep people coming for therapy for the rest of their lives. That's because it's an insurmountable goal. We simply cannot resolve everything that's ever bothered us.

Instead, I tend to focus my attention on the present and the future, because they are what we can all do something about. The past is over and done with. Why waste our effort on the past when the future is upon us. Granted, it's useful to learn lessons from the past, but if we dwell on the past, we take our eyes off the future which can lead to disaster.

I personally believe that therapy should focus most attention, not on the past, but on ways to make the future sensational.