Thank you for letting me join. I have been over and over the website many times and this forum.

I have been married for 15 years, together for 19. Things went really well for the first 9/10 years of marriage. We went through infertility and did 3 IVFs. Got pregnant 2 times and misscarried both. He has refused to adopt. A friend of a friend had a newborn baby that they wanted us to adopt-mom is a teen. He flat out said no. I gave up and accepted there would be no children. After one of my miscarriages, he was away for work, he said "I thought about sending you flowers, but I changed my mind."

Up until I was 39 (I'm 43 now) I received lovely gifts for Christmas, my birthday, etc. when I turned 40, he did nothing. And continued to do nothing for any holiday thereafter. After my 42 I told him I was hurt that he didn't even get me a card. After my 43 I tried to talk to him again, but he got very defensive. I said that we discussed this last year and he said "maybe in your mind, we did." I asked if I had done something, he said there was no reason, it just is.

6 months ago I left a horribly emotionally abusive job with his support. It took a long time and a councilor to help me recover. He still critizes me for shaking and playing with my fingers--coping techniques that started due to the job. They are getting better.

When he says something and I ask a clarifying question, he just repeats exactly what he said but slower and louder. Or if I ask a question, he doesn't answer. Like "what is a master Sargent?" He was in the military. His rude tone response was "it's a master Sargent." He talks down to me, like I'm stupid.

I try to engage him and ask about his job, but he tells me I can't understand his job.

He doesn't want to do anything. He sits in his recliner, which he has positioned 5 feet ahead of where I sit and takes control of the TV while he uses his iPad. If I want to do something on a weekend, he stated that I have to give him a week notice and he will decide.

He's decided that I should not drink. I don't do it much, and don't have a problem. I had one small bottle of hard cider in the fridge a friend gave me to try. Behind my back, he threw it away.

This is not the man I married. I don't understand, but he won't talk and gets very defensive and blames me whenever I try to talk about it. He says I love you all the time, and holds my hand sometimes. The sex is very infrequent and is only for his pleasure.

He told me I let my self go when I gained 20 stress pounds. He used to be 90lbs over weight and I never said anything to him, I didn't even think mean things.

I have to have a hysterectomy and he is like, ok. He just brushed it off.

I feel unappreciated and not respected. I am fantasizing about leaving hoping that he would understand how serious I am then. Councilor thinks I should leave. So confused. Am I wrong, am I asking too much, am I just a brat?

Welcome to MB.

Clearly, you know you are not wrong, asking too much or just a brat, so what's your real question?

I'm scared. But should I leave? Is this enough to warrant leaving? I don't have any friends I can talk to, so I appreciate your view.

You've talked to a counsellor, and she has told you to leave. Why haven't you followed that advice?

Have you read Dr. Harley's article "When to Call it Quits?"

Have you installed the Marriage Builders app and started listening to Dr. Harley's radio show?