Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum
This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at
mbrestored@gmail.com
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,842
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,842 |
That time is priority number 1. There is no way to shed resentment without it.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
My h has now started shift work and with my work and children it is going to be very difficult to get this time alone.
The spending time together has been a major issue for a few years and we have already recognised that was a contributing factor to our problems. Gem, this is the key to recovery. Without this step the program does not work. If you can't create a marriage that is immensely better than what you had before the affair, your marriage won't recover. This is WHY you are still so resentful. That wont' change until you change your marriage habits. So I would place all your focus on finding a way to go out on 4-4 hour dates a week.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 27
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 27 |
I understand this but every fortnight he will be doing afternoon shifts and we have probably got 4hrs if we are lucky for alone time.
The morning shifts is possible though. Is there anything else we can do in this situation where spouses work conflicting hours?
I am feeling very hopeless today and feel I have come to the end of the road.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
I understand this but every fortnight he will be doing afternoon shifts and we have probably got 4hrs if we are lucky for alone time.
The morning shifts is possible though. Is there anything else we can do in this situation where spouses work conflicting hours? Getting on the morning shift would be the best possible solution. That way you are getting up and going to bed at the same time while making time for dates.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,842
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,842 |
Dr. Harley discussed sync sleep schedules on the last show. Did you listen?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 27
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 27 |
I haven't been able to find a quiet space to listen to radio shows yet but will do as soon as I can.
I am reading a lot of articles on this site though.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,842
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,842 |
Great! Did you schedule the dates yet?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 27
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 27 |
I have not seen him today yet to talk about this or a plan to put in place to move on. I did text him earlier and told him to think about a plan that we could discuss later.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 27
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 27 |
Should I not forgive him?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,842
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,842 |
Read the Just Compensation article.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
I did text him earlier and told him to think about a plan that we could discuss later. The Marriage Builders plan?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 27
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 27 |
Yes and hopefully it brings some relief.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6 |
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6 |
Here's another good clip to listen to. Wendy writes about healing from her husband's affair. Is it ever appropriate to bring up the affair? Radio Clip
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
232
guests, and
22
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,659
Posts2,323,613
Members72,372
| |
Most Online9,682
May 13th, 2026
|
|
|
|
|
|
