Me 56, Wife 51, Daughter21. Married for 28 years. It was a love marriage.

About Nine years back WW had an affair (She claims it was EA) when I busted her She confessed. I got her to write confession, in-fact three confessions over a period of six months, since she kept getting triggered. I along with her met the OM (OM1) and made a closure. It ended.

Around a year back I suspected something and found that she was probably into a relationship with a man whom during her first affair I had requested her to disassociate from since I did not have a good gut feeling about him. He has been her friend then too. Last three years I have been working out of town so I really don�t know when it had started and turned into a PA. Last June she travelled with this man (OM2) while I had travelled 1500 miles to meet her and my daughter. She went on this trip telling a lie to me that she was going to help a family friend to choose a bride for his son.

She convinced this family friend to lie if I ever asked that she was with them and the family friend obliged. But I was suspicious and got the travel records from the rail company and found that they had travelled together and the Family friend had not gone with them at all. She kept denying till I produced the travel records. To this evidence she has the gall to say that �so what? If we travelled together�. Since the family friend did not travel with them to the distant city in another state I assume they stayed in a hotel for three nights (I don�t have a proof). Now she says she will neither deny nor accept that she is having an affair.

She has asked me to give her six months to sort out things if she wants to continue this marriage or not. I am doubtful that she will. She has asked me to vacate the apartment the lease of which is in her name. She is asking me for a NC for 6 months. She flatly refuses to do a NC with OM2 and dares me to expose this affair to all her family, friends, clients and his wife too. He lives two hour�s drive away in another state. She says whatever happens, she is never going to share her passwords, phone pass codes and bank accounts. OM2 is always going to be there. He is a kind of rich guy and into Politics. He keeps showering her with gifts like expensive iPhones which neither I nor she can afford. I also suspect he gives her cash too.

The strangest thing is that my 21 years old daughter has also turned against me saying that I was never there for her when she needed me. Every time I want to talk to my wife she involves her. My daughter is a bright child but now totally against me and very aggressive and disrespectful. She and daughter both call me controlling - a control freak.
And by the way I live in India which has a legal system a little different from the western world and also the culture and mind set of people too is different.

I only came across MB a few days back and registered. I wish I could have found it earlier and done something like MB Plans. But lot of love busting & also Love Bank Deposits has happened since then without realizing it. I have read quite a bit here and have also got hold of Dr. Harley's SAA and read it too, though I will like to read it again.

I know it is late to ask for advice but still I will seek it from all experienced folks over here. I want the marriage to work and ready to correct all my short comings, if any pointed out to me. Currently I am hunting for a Job since I resigned from my Job in the other city to be with family and try to get her out of her addiction. Hence I am low on resources currently and depressed too.

Please advice.

Hi EBS, welcome to Marriage Builders. It sounds like she wants to separate so she can conduct her affair in peace. Did you actually move out?

It is likely that she has had several affairs over the course of your marriage, due to her opposite sex friendships and your travel. She has probably been wayward for a very long time.

It is very possible this affair has been going on for many years and is deeply entrenched.

I would absolutely take her up on her dare, and expose this affair far and wide, especially to OM's wife. It is really your only chance to save this marriage, and even then it is a long shot.

Read the Exposure 101 link at the end of MelodyLane's signature and come here with any questions. DO NOT inform or discuss with her exposure, you want to do it without her knowledge.

Thanks ML & Unwritten for taking out time to reply.

No I have not moved out yet but have finalized an apartment room.

My problem with exposing is that I have no proof of them having an affair apart from the proof that they traveled together to another city in the same train compartment on the same day, although their seats were 6 seats apart.

I can not gather any more proof since they only communicate via iPhone which is heavily guarded by her, even she takes it to the bathroom and wash room.

Two days back he called her and while she took the call I shouted in the phone (phone was still in her hands) that he (OM2) should stop calling my wife. He immediately disconnected and then I know they were chatting in the night on whatsapp.

First off, you should not move out. If she wants to "separate" she can move out, but you have valid reason to move out.

You should stay in your home. Moving out is only good for the affair and hopefully you are not supporting her affair?

In the meantime, I would hire a PI or do whatever you need to do to get the evidence. Once you get the evidence, come back here and we will help you with next steps.

Quoting from an Article in The Times of India:

Only the government investigating and intelligence agencies have the authority to ask service providers for call details of suspects.

"Invading someone's privacy is a serious issue and we will make inquiries to find the others involved in the case. Even we can ask for the call records of a person only if he or she has been booked in an offence or is a suspect in a case, and that too after we furnish the case details to the respective service provider,'' said DCP Pratap Dighavkar.

The police recovered call records of several VIP numbers from the accused and are currently in the process of getting them verified. An officer said that this is a serious issue as access to call records can be misused by anti-national elements to learn the routine of VIPs.

I am on to collecting evidence and have a question for vets.

Should her three confession letters of first affair, 9 years back be part of the proof that I post on the website? BTW she now claims that those confessions were written under pressure... Ha!!!

You are her husband and should have no problem getting access to call records. you can look on her phone, spy on her computer, follow her, put a recorder in her car, etc. Once you get the evidence then come back here and we will give oyu next steps.