We got along good yesterday. This morning I texted her and said she needs to cut contact with OM and give me all her passwords. She said she isn't living like that and doesn't want to work on things. What am I supposed to day to that? All I knew to do was just repeat myself. She said stop talking to her.

It's been less than a month of trying plan A and I already feel like I am losing my patience.

Don't have important conversation via text. Have you done anything fun with her in the last week?

Yeah. We do something fun together at least once per week.

We been getting along fairly well the past few days. I been telling her to stop the affair a couple times everyday. I told her again this morning and she got mad and said she can't live like this and that I will never trust her. Same thing that she said a few days ago.

Am I doing this right? We get along fairly well until I mention for her to stop the affair everyday. It seems like it sets us back everytime I do it.

What is setting you back is her AFFAIR. Keep in mind that the goal here is to save your marriage, not to placate a cheating wife.

When she says you "will never trust her" I would be a broken record and tell her you can show her HOW to earn your trust. "Do you want me to trust you? Let me show you how."

And once again, this situation will never change unless you move away from this area. I would start making plans to move out of the area. Your only hope is that she will eventually follow you.

This is like a passenger on the sinking Titanic saying "things have been smooth the past few days." Your wife is in an affair so things are NOT WELL.

Also, you should be going on fun dates at least 4 times per week.

I was doing some snooping looking for passwords a little while ago, and I found some old text messages from when the affair was still undiscovered. I found out WW lied to me about most of the details she told me on D-day. On D-day she was crying and doing everything right. So I trusted most of the details. But this stuff was so bad that I don't know if I can ever recover. And it was only texts from a 3 day period.
She knew I was snooping, because when I turned her computer on it logged into imessages and sent her a notice. She called me immediately and rushed home from work. I told her what I saw. She laughed and said she was going to her mom's because it's embarrassing. She texted me a few times and I just repeated the stuff about stopping the affair and showing me how to trust her. But I'm pretty hurt now and don't even know if I want to still be married to her. I plan to keep following plan A, but I don't know if I will ever get past this. And I don't know if I really want her or if I am just afraid of divorce.

Have you been to your doctor for some ADs?

Very sorry for your pain Bob. Neither of those look like good options I'm sure. The pain is too raw right now. Give yourself some time.

You are getting hammered with the trickle discovery. Who knows if and when that will end for you. Sounds like you're going to again have to ask her to give you the full story and if you feel strong enough about it let her know if you discover any more untold truths it will probably be the end of the M.

You have to get the whole story before you can recover. If you get that then you can move on and never talk about the affair again.

I did get on anti depressants and they have helped a lot. But it is hard because plan A was fairly easy to follow when i thought I knew all the details and had gotten over it for the most part. But now i dont feel like doing anything nice for her. She usually sneaks and contacts OM on snapchat or instagram, but everytime we fight she openly calls him on the phone and causes me more pain when I see it on the phone bill.

What details did you discover? Do they make a material difference in the facts, compared to what she told you on D Day?

I don't think it was anything that makes a difference, just proves that she lied and seeing her words unedited, makes it more real.
She originally said the physical affair took place at their offices at work, but now I found out it actually happened at our house at least once, and possibly while the kids were there.
Everything else was just sex talk about how great it was.

Also, during our fight last night I just kept repeating that the affair hurts me and I want her to stop. She said she doesn't want to stop and that when she tried before it was too miserable.
I woukd think she would feel guilty and at least lie and say she is trying to stop. I would at least do that if I was in an affair.
Is plan A supposed to be this difficult? It's only been close to a month but I don't see any hope. I had hope before because when I started plan A it brought her from imminent divorce, to living back together while openly contacting OM and finally to her hiding contact with OM. So it was making a little progress in the right direction. I know she is crazy right now and nothing she does makes sense, but it is so hard to keep going. I want to go beat OM physically, but everytime I try he and WW both work against me and try to get me arrested. It feels like I am just stuck being her personal assistant and helping her continue the affair.
Is it normal to feel this way?

When are YOU going to stop fighting her?

You've tried to beat the OM up?

Yes. A million times yes. Plan A is not for the faint of heart.

I havent fought with her any. It's always her fighting with me and I just ignore it or repeat for her to stop the affair. Last night I was about to start arguing with her so I got in my car and left for 20 minutes to calm down.

Everytime I try to confront OM she tells him and he threatens to call the cops or get a restraining order. He won't answer my calls when I call. I do want to beat him up, but I don't want to do anything illegal and get in trouble and look like a fool.

And tomorrow is her birthday and I guess I should get her a present but I really really don't want to right now. I had been looking forward to her birthday so I could be extra nice, but now it's just too painful.

It's up to you to decide whether you want to keep going in Plan A, or whether a material difference like learning that they had sex in your home is a deal-breaker. I don't think anybody here, or Dr H, would fault you for saying that you cannot go on, given what you have learned.

However, you need to accept that she lied and minimised to you about what happened during the affair. If you are going to plough on with Plan A, you have to fight the urge to collapse emotionally each time you discover more details. Sadly, I have to tell you that you don't know half of what they did, and what you don't know is likely to be devastating if you ever find it out. There are likely to be gifts, vows, unprotected sex, and all manner off things that would shock you if you knew about them. But that's what people in affairs do - they trash the marriage and say vile things about the BSs, and profess undying love for each other. That's the nature of the beast.

If you are going to push on with Plan A, you have to rise above your hurt. You know she is still in her affair, so you know that you will be treated badly on a daily basis.

But yes, in Plan A you should buy her a nice gift for her birthday. If you can't do it, put an end to Plan A.

Confront him without her knowledge, then.
And if he gets a restraining order on you ... so? It's not like you want to be around him, anyway. Be confident and firm, but calm.