Thanks for the good advice Sugarcane and Prisca.
I feel better this evening after exercising earlier and I think I will continue with plan A. One question though: everytime I mention for her to end the affair, she gets madder and uses that as an excuse to sneak and contact OM. So it seems like it makes him look like the calm and reasonable guy and me the controling and aggravating one. Is it really helping for me to keep mentioning that she needs to stop the affair? I usually send her a message on the way to work in the morning to say I love her and that the affair has to end, and usually once more in the evenings around supper time.

Just keep asking her to end her affair. She is seeing the OM because she is addicted to him, not because you put pressure on her.

Do you want to give her the impression that she can shut you up by seeing the OM? Will seeing the OM put you in your place so you will shut up out of fear? Because that is what she is trying to do. That is not the kind of weak message you want to give to a manipulator because it will only embolden her.

Also, shutting up will not stop her from seeing the OM. She sees him because she is addicted to him. Wild horses could not force her to see him if she didn't want to see him.

Good points Melody. Thank you.

You are doing well. But Plan A is not for the faint of heart.

Yeah it is rough. I went to bed feeling ok and then woke up immediately thinking about things again. I looked at the phone account and seen that OM texted WW right at midnight last night since it is her birthday today. She was asleep though but I'm sure she saw it this morning and I imagine they are talking all morning since she is barely responding to my texts. And since she has lied so much, I have to assume they are still meeting up everyday. I've been keeping pretty good tabs on her but I can't account for all her time all the time.
I'm still looking into a GPS for her car and a camera for the house, it's just very expensive.

I'm about a month into Plan A. She got mad this morning about something trivial and was cursing me like a dog (in front of the kids) on our way to the grocery store. I just ignored it and told the kids a joke to make them laugh. After she finished venting for 20 minutes or so, her mood improved and the rest of the day was mostly incident free. She mostly just watched tv all day while I did chores and a couple other little things she asked me to do for her.
Am I still doing everything right? It was real hard to sit quietly and act unbothered while being cussed at, especially in front of the kids. It was also even harder to do chores for her after all of that. It seems like she will see me as weak and unmanly and make me look even less attractive.

What was she mad about?

She was mad that I left her Ipad at work instead of bringing it home. She has had a bad temper like that since her and OM became close friends about 2 years ago, which is really when the affair started (even though she maintains it didnt begin until they started flirting about a year ago). Before D day, I thought the temper was a result of the second child being born. Unless maybe its the child and the affair combined.
Also, should I have the 2nd child paternity tested? He looks just like me and from my snooping it looks like the sexual affair didnt begin until the child was already 2 years old. But I cant trust anything WW says.

That isn't a little thing.

She is only worried about the iPad because she thinks I am using it to spy (I was until she changed all her passwords). I'm trying to figure out how to jailbreak it and put a keylogger on it before I give it back, but I can't find a jailbreak for ios 9.0.2.

Or it is an expensive piece of equipment that is now exposed to theft. I would be upset if my husband took my tablet and left it somewhere. Get the jailbreak done today.

Calling this "trivial" is a disrespectful judgement. You are going to need to stop those. It's a lovebuster, and will damage your Plan A.

"Mind reading" is also a disrespectful judgement. Using the word "only" in this context is a disrespectful judgement as well.

I see what you guys mean. I didn't tell her it was trivial or anything like that. I told her the iPad was still in my locker at work and that I was sorry for forgetting it. Then I just ignored her while she called me worthless and stupid.

It doesn't matter if you told her it was trivial. If you think it, you can bet that she can tell.

You need to start training yourself NOW to value your wife's concerns. Yes, you had a valid reason for taking her iPad. But it wasn't trivial to her, and to devalue her concern over it is a lovebuster. She has a point of view about it that's different than yours -- do not put yourself in a position that is allowed to judge what is trivial and what is not.

Oh, ok. I see. Thanks for the info. That makes sense.

I havent mentioned the affair or reminded WW to end the affair in about 3 days since I haven't seen any evidence of contact during my limited snooping. It seems like last night the fog may have lifted some, at least temporarily. Of course she could be hiding it better, but her attitude was better and she seemed to be responding to plan A a little better.
Should I resume telling her to end the affair everyday, even if I have no proof, or wait until I see or suspect something? I'm pretty sure she hasn't ended it yet, because she doesn't seem to be in full on withdrawal. She does seem to be having a small bit of withdrawal, but nothing like that first week she tried no contact 2 months ago.
Also, I have a bunch of unanswered questions about the affair still. Can I try to ask some of those questions now or wait until we start recovery? And should I ask her if she ended contact yet or what?

Im pretty sure she talked to OM while at work today, because she barely responded to any of my texts today and she seemed to be a littke more energetic and careless when she got home. I still cant find any proof though so I havent mentioned anything as of yet. Today makes 3 whole days that I havent mentioned OM or told her to cut contact. We have been having nice long conversations (about random topics) and I have actually been able to make her smile and laugh sometimes--that hasnt happened in months.
Im still wondering if it is ok to skip a few days every so often and not mention anything to do with the affair? Or is that problematic? Of course I dont want her to think the affair is ok as long as im not mentioning it, but its also hard to find an opening to mention stopping contact while we are both in good moods.
Any advice please?

What can you do to confirm if she has contact with OM while she's at work?

How do you know he left the job?

You need to expose this affair to her employer, even if you have cast-iron proof that he has left the job. Tell them that they conducted their affair during company time, and ask for their help in ensuring they are not using workplace resources to contact each other now.