I see that you did notify at the workplace. What was their response? Contact them again, asking them for their help in making sure she is not using work time or resources to maintain contact during the day.

I did expose to the job. He tried to come back about a week after he quit, but he ended up not coming back. He is a police officer now and I have friends that work with him that confirm he is working his new job everyday. I have also intercepted text messages between him and WW during the day that confirms he is at his new job.

She could be talking on her work phone to him and I wouldn't know. But I found lots of texts and calls from her cell phone to him while she is at work, so maybe she isn't able to use the work phone too much for that for some reason. Of course I assume she is on the work phone talking to him non stop at work though.

I just went back and looked at the phone records as far back as I could see. It looks like they started texting very very heavily since early January 2015. I can't go back but a week before that though, so it could have started even earlier. This does fit with what she told me though--that the emotional affair started sometime around January 2015. She said they started talking sexually around April 2015 and had a physical affair during October and November 2015. Then she supposedly ended the physical part after november because he was wanting them both to get divorced from their spouses and be together. She said this scared her so she stopped the sex and started working on her marriage in December 2015 until D-day on February 27, 2016. They were still texting heavily and talking on the phone and working together during this time, and he did end up leaving his wife. But I find it very hard to believe that they haven't had sex since the end of last November.

When I exposed to her job, her boss and the owner didn't seem to be concerned very much about it. OM was off that day but they called him in to meet with them both to ask if they would be able to work together without problems. Her boss and the owner both had affairs before, so I guess that's why they weren't concerned as much as I thought they would be. It's also a laid back job. But since OM ended up quitting right after exposure, I guess that stopped the job from worrying too much about it.
WW was very angry about the job exposure and claimed I did it to try and get her fired. She was also embarrassed because OM's wife also exposed to the entire office and made a big scene. So all 15 or so coworkers know about it.
Her best work friend is a female and also seems to be an enabler. I haven't been able to get much help from her. Me and WW have been hanging out with her work friend and her husband recently, and have plans to hang out more. So I may be able to become friendlier with her and add her as an ally, maybe. Or if not an ally, maybe she will at least see I'm not as bad as WW complained about for so long and will give WW better and more fair advice in the future.

Is OM still married? Have you informed his BW they are still in contact?

I informed OM's wife about a month ago. OM had already left her a couple months before that though. I asked WW if OM left his wife to be with her. She said she doesn't know, but that she thinks she gave him the courage to leave his wife. I'm not sure how true that is though.
I found an em

I informed OM's wife about a month ago. OM had already left her a couple months before that though. I asked WW if OM left his wife to be with her. She said she doesn't know, but that she thinks she gave him the courage to leave his wife. I'm not sure how true that is though.
I found an email between OM and his therapist that he forwarded to my wife when he left his wife back in December. It showed how much of a liar he is. The therapist wrote an email complaining to him that he isn't making progress in marriage counseling and accusing him of having an affair. He responded with an angry email to the therapist saying how bad his wife is and complaining to the therapist for accusing him of having an affair. You would think WW would have seen that and realized how easy it is for him to lie.

Last night I was laying in bed playing on my phone while WW watched tv. Right before going to sleep, I turned my phone off and laid it on my chest and was just staring at the ceiling thinking for a minute. WW turned the tv off and rolled over to go to sleep. When she saw me she asked what was wrong.

...and? Why have you posted this?

You need to mention it everyday. Short and sweet: "Your affair hurts me terribly. I need it to stop." Don't fear her reaction.

Not sure why that post cut off like that. But when we were in bed and she asked what was wrong, I just said "you really need to stop." Then we turned off the lamp and laid down. After about a minute she said, "I haven't talked to him."
I didn't respond and we fell asleep.

I coukdnt really find a good time to mention the affair yesterday, so I took that opportunity of her asking what was wrong. The past few times I told her to stop, she either got mad or said she wasn't discussing it. But this time it was just the response that she hasn't talked to him. I have no proof that she has talked to him, but I think it's obvious since she isn't showing any withdrawal.

Prisca,

I read some of your first posts on MB, but I was wondering how the fog was for you? Were you kind of like my wife says she feels, as in thinking you would never be in love with your husband ever again?

How long did it take the fog to lift once he started Plan A? Were you still having the EA while he was in Plan A? Did you fluctuate some days between wanting to leave and wanting to stay?

Yes, I hated him. I only stayed because 1: I relied on his paycheck, and 2: the kids.

This is a typical feeling in WW. She DOESN'T love you -- your account in her lovebank is empty. You can refill that account, but she doesn't know that. Her emotions tell her that you never will be able to. But her emotions do not determine recovery.

No. He found out after it ended.
You will find that her fog will dissipate not too long after she ends contact with him. Continued contact is what keeps her foggy. This is a big reason why you need to bring this up every day -- recovery canNOT start until she ends contact.

You don't need to look for opportunities to slip it into the conversation. Be bold. Bring it up out of nowhere. Fix her a cup of her favorite coffee, and after you hand it to her say "Your affair hurts me terribly. I need you to end contact." Bring her flowers and say "I love you, but your affair is devastating to me. I need you to end your affair." (These are just examples -- tailor these to things your wife enjoys).

Be sure when you do bring it up that you mention the affect the affair is having on you. Don't be a drama queen about it, but use the examples that have been given. Be short and to the point, and then move on. It is THE problem in your marriage right now that is going to end your marriage unless it is resolved, so keep it on the front burner. Bring it up daily.

Thanks for the examples. That makes a lot more sense.

Last night and tonight she has been friendly, but still very distant and unaffectionate. For some reason I feel better when she is being mean and grouchy, because I imagine she is conflicted in her feelings. But when she is calm and somewhat friendly like she is now, it scares me and I think she may just be settling in to the routine of me meeting her practical needs while OM meets her romantic and emotional needs. Its almost like she is "friendzoning me" because I have been being so nice. I wish I coukd stop worrying about her behavior, but I'm scared to death.

Are you on ADs?

Ok. At bedtime again tonight I saw the phone bill and saw she called OM earlier tonight. I asked her if she talked to him today and she said no. I took the example and said, "look, I love you more than anything, but you have to stop talking to him because it is killing me and preventing our recovery."
She flew into a rage like I haven't seen in a couple weeks. I ignored it but she got I'm my face yelling and asking why was I just laying there. I repeated that I just wanted her to stop the affair.
She went into a speech saying how the past few days she told him we were getting along very good and she wanted to work on our marriage more. She also told me she realizes she doesn't want him but that because I keep telling her to quit talking to him that I am being controlling and she doesn't want that either. She said she has to spend more time with me being nice like i have been (plan A) and then she will stop talking to him in her own way. I said, "whenever i tell you everyday to cut contact, why dont you tell me you are trying?"
She cussed at me some more and said she hated to look at me. So I got up and went in the other bedroom to go to sleep. 5 minutes later, she sent me a screen shot where she had just messaged OM on Instagram and told him she has to quit talking to him because it causes a fight every time. She told him that they both ruined their lives and have to just live with it and never speak again.
Then she messaged me again and said "I stopped. You happy now? F$!k you.".
I don't know what to think about this. Her message to him stopping contact basically says she doesn't want to stop talking to him except I am making her. This will be about the 4th time she has cut contact in this way. It usually lasts a day or two and she stays angry at me the whole time until she finally calls him and we start all over.

Just keep DEMANDING that she end her affair. Don't let her bully you into submission. The banshee act is to get you to back off and stop interfering in her affair.

Should I call or text her this morning and tell her she needs to tell OM it's over properly? Because the way she told him basically says she doesn't want to stop but it causes me and her to fight so she is stopping for that reason. It's not really much closure for either of them.
Or should I just leave it alone and keep demanding she end it?

You do know what to think about this because we have told you several times. She is trying to manipulate you into letting her continue her affair without interference by telling you that YOU are causing her to continue contact.

Obviously any rational person knows that is hogwash. She is continuing her affair because she is addicted to the OM. She would continue to do it regardless of what you said, until she is ready to stop it. You just make it more uncomfortable and difficult when you continue to bring it up. That is the point, to put pressure on the affair, so keep it up.

I believe I told you several times that this will be your future if you don't move away. Your wife is severely addicted to the OM. Are you prepared to live like this?

We talked about moving last night because we passed OM on the road the other day. Well, she shouted "he is always going to be around. What are we supposed to do, move?"
I said yes we are going to have to move. She didn't respond.

She messes with my head so bad because up until last night, every time I mentioned stopping the affair she would get mad and say she doesn't want to or its not worth it to be in a bad marriage. But last night for the first time she said she doesn't want to be with him and is trying to stop contact but doesn't want to live the rest of her life with me constantly accusing her of talking to him. She also said she told him we have been getting along really good lately.
I trust the guidance on this forum, but it makes me worry because she plants that little seed of doubt and scares me.