My H and I are working towards recovery. She worked for him and in order for us to start again she had to leave the job and terminate contact. She left on 10/30. The problem is that my husband is a hairstylist and although I told him that I will not allow her to come back in to have him do her hair I know she hates the idea of going to someone else. I specifically and firmly told him to inform her to find someone else to do her hair but I am afraid she will sneak in and the contact with these two may never end...the other problem is that her whole family comes in to <BR>get their hair done in our place, including her sister and her mother...her sister knows about this mess and did she did not tell her sister that this affair was wrong so I do not like her....in fact....I do not like any of those people and I wish they would all disappear...I just have a feeling that H and OW will be sneaking around just so she can have her hair done and this nightmare may never end.......he has been her stylist for 12 years....but....the affair has only been going on for about 2 years. Don't you think that any type of contact and keeping in touch only makes the affair re-start ? And....what do they talk about while he cuts her hair, don't you think the sexual desire only lingers on when he touches her ? I am scared. And especially if she is still single ? I hope she gets married soon. This stuff makes me crazy...but I don't want to lovebust because things are going to great for us right now.

It's good that you don't want to lovebust. You must be honest about your fears without lovebusting. You have to decide what you both are willing to do - it may involve closing your shop and moving, opening another shop in another state, or at least area that her and her family will not go to. <P>If he is totally committed to the marriage and making it work, he should listen to your fears. I can only suggest that you try to get him to read Dr. Harley's book "Surviving an Affair." I haven't been able to do anything except Plan A, because my W is still having the affair. I am so willing to try everything that he suggests. I want my W to read it.<P>But, being honest with your fears without being angry, disrepectful or making a selfish demand will go a long way. Try to do it in a rational yet concerned way. You could say "Honey, I am concerned that so-and-so will make it difficult for us. I am afraid that even if you try to avoid her, she will seek you out. I am concerned that she may send her family in to sway you." Don't offer any suggestions. See what he says. If he blows it off, say "Honey, I am really concerned. It would help if we had a plan just in case."<P>Try it. Talk it over with a therapist, or your marriage counselor. Maybe you could do a phone session with Dr. Harley.<P>Good Luck! I will pray for you and your family.<P>JoeJohn

Your worries are legitimate. You are not going too far.<P>If your H is willing, surely he knows other stylists in town that he would trust and could refer her and family to. "I'm sorry I will no longer be available, but I have spoken to Puff the Magic Dragon at Floozie Search and he would be happy to indulge you and all your female relative's every..." (Okay, your H won't say that, but I had a moment of fun writing it.) <P>Personally I'd rather lose a little income than have my H's hands on the OW's 3 ft !@#$%^ blonde HAIR again!!!! And...he doesn't even do hair...<P>You go girl, but go gently...<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P>