Yet you snapped at Sugarcane?

So you turned around and walked right back into the fire? Where's the logic in that?

And you let the idea be put out there that it's safe and okay to break Plan B occasionally on a board full of people who cannot afford to do so. Where is your compassion?

I didn't snap at all.

Stay in Plan B. You must protect yourselves.

I chose to break it after six years.

It is interesting that anyone thinks that I am going back "into the fire".

I am not.

This particular subset of the forum is
Divorcing/Divorced

It is important to keep that in mind. Healing from an affair, being betrayed does not define my life any longer. People who are not healed do not get to run my life. I do. I matter. I count. I gave 'it' my all for years and I am a MarriageBuilders success story.

That has nothing to do with the price of tea in China, nor with what we posted to you.

?
Prisca, I am not sure what that means.

But, I remember feeling the way you do so I will just continue to recommend MarriageBuilders
and
not try to defend myself for choosing to see the man I was married to for two and a half decades and had three children with as he was dying.

But, you're not following Marriage Builders.

Prisca,
I am sorry you are feeling that way.

I do understand.

It's not about my feelings, reading. It's about facts. It is a fact that you are not following Marriage Builders if you are breaking Plan B (even if you're divorced, and even if it's been 6 years).

reading, if you want to break Plan B, then go and break Plan B. You don't have to answer to us.

But to say that Dr Harley wants us to have Plan B "pause" button to maintain love for our ex WSs in case we want to see them one day again (whatever the reason may be) is INCORRECT.

Period.

Stop twisting it around.

I have had forced broken Plan B with my ex and it's nothing but a nightmare.

I hope the moderators delete this thread because your words are dangerous for the still hanging on BW who wants contact with her WH - even after years. Your almost making it seem heroic - look! I've healed and look at what I can do now. Wrong message.

I don't see ANY benefit at all and have never heard Dr Harley advocate breaking Plan B.

reading, I say this in all seriousness, I find it sad that you still love your WxH after 6 years and would even want to go see him, especially when his OW is still in the picture. That's not the picture of successful Plan B. I am friends with many divorced BW, none of them would want to go visit their ex in the hospital, deathbed or not, and would not view having maintained a lovebank as a victory.

I don't think this is what Dr Harley would want for you. Honestly I think you would benefit from contacting Dr Harley and asking for his advice for your situation. I am wondering if a removal of any triggers such as a move etc would help you in moving on from these feelings you have kept for your ex after all these years.

I agree. Would you contact Dr. Harley and see what he has to say? As the others have pointed out this is dangerous advice for other BWs that want to stay in contact with their WHs.

Well, I have to say that my WxH is dead.

Dr. Harley said Plan B is to protect the betrayed spouse. To protect the Love Bank.

I was protected for years. My Love Bank was intact. Marriage builders helped me Survive an Affair.

Thank you Dr. Harley.

My condolences.

reading,
Thanks for sharing your situation.

I can appreciate your actions and the reasons behind them.
Truly hope you got what you needed out of this experience.

Take care.

Reading,
All the love and all the hurt has burned on the pyre now. You've healed, which is never a guarantee in the case of infidelity, so you are indeed a MB success story.

I would like to be knocked in the head and suffer amnesia over my WW, but that ain't happening, so I'm left with many great memories that haunt me daily. I want them to dissipate, but in spite of my wishes they count for something. In your case, maybe the goodness of what happened before the nightmare was honored on the deathbed. Nothing more. Since he is now gone, the Plan B issue is also gone.