well I asked her if she wanted to go w/me to the counseler. She said no that she is fine. She cant make believe this thing never happened. How can you do that?? Hell I don't know what to do any more. I'm going and do what I can for myself. Hell I didn't do this Why am I hurting so bad??!!<P>I wqant to tell her This thing isn't gone lets deal with it. it wont go away either.<BR>------------------<BR>brownphdt<BR><p>[This message has been edited by brownphd (edited November 09, 1999).]

WHY THE HELL WONT SHE LET ME LOVE AND TAKE CARE OF HER?<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<BR>

I'd be wary if she "just wants to forget it." When your S says that, they don't and may still be having the affair.<P>You should at least go to counseling yourself. You can't force her to go. Maybe She'll go is she sees you going and dealing with it.<P>Try to be honest with her, and avoid the Love Busters. (If you don't know about them, read the website. I would also suggest "Surviving an Affair" By Drs. Harley and Chalmers.)<P>Good luck, and I will pray for you.<BR>JoeJohn

have you read my other posts. I dont know if she is still having the affair after this. Read about the worst new any one could get and you will know what happened. Her probablem has to be worsae on her than me, and its killing me<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<BR>

Hi Brownphd -<P>I haven't caught up with all of today's happenings yet....just scanned briefly.<P>RELAX.....Take some deep breaths!!!<P>I'm sorry that this is hurting you so much!!! I know the waiting and wanting can be so overwhelming.....it just rips you up!!! <P>I am not going to repeat the TIME and PROCESS part of this....you know them!!<P>Perhaps you have to start giving thought to how to get her progress or lack there of out of your every thought and put some of your own in it's place!!!<P>You need to talk to this counselor.. Where you lead - she just might follow!! If she sees that it is helping you and you become stronger, she may discover that this might be a good idea for her also!!!<P>You have to get your emotions under control.....that's your priority!!!<P>ONLY YOU can do that....just like ONLY your wife can ultimately get hers together!!!<P>Show her how it's done!!! Go to the counselor and learn it!!!<P>HUGS,<P>Sheba

Sheba's got the right idea. She also may not want to go because SHE'S not ready to face herself yet, much less you.<P>You do what you need to do. Let time help take care of some of the other stuff. <P>Easier said than done, I know.<P>Lori

I have been gone most of the day and just got back. So take a deep breath. You can't make her do anything. But you can take care of yourself, and that right now is your top priority. As much as you want to help her she is in denial. There is nothing you can do. It fact she maky be in a state of shock, so take a few steps back and give her some breathing room. BUt you need to get your self under control and you can do that by seeing a counselor. Do so as fast as you can. If you keep on these path you will drive her further away. I know you don't want to do that. So if you really want to make this work you have got to leave her alone fro a while till she is ready for the next step. I know this will be hard but you need to do it for your sanity and hers. Big {{HUG}} to help you through this.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>