Gotcha, and the truck is for sale, right?


Don't mention it again because obviously if he knows it is on there, it is useless.



Tell your husband he MUST never see or speak to this piece of crap again. That is how you do it. He is no "friend," he is an accessory to the crime.

Part of the program is to "never do anything without the enthusiastic agreement of your spouse. " He has agreed to this program, right? If so, he does not have your enthusiastic agreement to maintain a "friendship" with this dirtbag.

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So is he rejecting all overnight jobs? And you do have babysitters in your town, right? I GET that you hate the truck, but it would be good UA time and a good opportunity to rebuild your marriage. Your kids will be fine with a babysitter.

I feel like sometimes my husband is trying to replicate or ask me to do things that they did together and I flip out.

I look him some days and I think, I am only doing this for the kids and I would be much happier as a single parent. I have been reading some posts and just wonder if this is really worth the effort.

At the moment I could be OK for a week and then something happens and I lash out.

Hickstt, You have several threads and I'm sorry but I do not have time at the moment to go and re-read (I will in the next few days, but it would really be better for you if you stick to the same thread).

What has been completed from the recovery checklist? And what is left to do?

What remains in your lives that is triggering you? Can you work together to eliminate those things?

Has your husband stopped spending ANY nights apart? Are you two planning 25 hours every single week for UA time?

I almost blew our own recovery because I was consumed with resentment. In fact that is how I found MB... to learn how to deal with my resentment. MB saved me.

Stick with the plan. Give it time to work. Recovering a marriage can take years.

Control angry outbursts. Have you heard of the policy of joint agreement? You don't do anything unless you are both enthusiastic about it.

Focus on the good things that your husband is doing now to recover the marriage and don't dwell on the affair. Stop talking about the affair because it keeps you stuck in that time. You have to build new marriage with new memories.

Snooping and seeing what he is doing when he thinks you are not looking is a good way to help you rebuild your trust. He has not yet earned your trust and you would be wise to watch him like a hawk.

Hang in there.

It has been a while.

We still have the truck, the best friend is refusing to let go and my husband says he does not talk to him that often, my father-in-law says he sick of my [censored]. Cash withdraws continue. I'm at the point where I simply don't care about my marriage anymore, his social network don't support our marriage, so what chance is there of survival? Since the mistress left, my-father-in-law has replaced her and now he rings my husband 50 times a day and my husband jumps to his aid, it is ridiculous. Perhaps we are just not meant to be together. I not interest in snooping and watching like a hawk, I have a life and if he does not want to be part of it, leave but he won't, he puts on the sob story that he is nothing without his family and he want to kill himself.

I think our marriage will die a slow death the way things are going. Despite have endless discussions about the getting rid of the best friend (disrespectful texts from his best mate), cash withdrawal it does not seem to register. Even though he tries meeting other emotional needs, he does meet the top three emotional needs.

I am thinking about leaving my job and starting a business with my sister and surprisingly he has been supportive. I have involved him in the whole thing to date, (reading contracts etc) and it has helped us be polite to each other. I told him that I don't want his fathers to know about it as I don't want his opinion. But I recon he knows. It frustrating asking my husband for an opinion and he has to talk to his dad to find out his opinion so my husband can actually have an opinion.

Is the mistress around, has the affair ended, would not have a clue. The mistresses husband would be watching her like a hawk I reckon. But if it is, I'm not sticking around, I deserve better for myself and kids if is still going on.

Yes, you DO deserve better!

But from your post, it looks like you are still settling for crumbs.

Unfortunately, your children are witnessing all of this and learning that this is how to have a "marriage".

WEll, you are not going to GET better if you accept crumbs. Not sure why you would choose to live like this.

That is your choice.

If your husband refuses to protect you from these scumbags and complete the checklist, you need to separate and go to plan B. Quietly prepare to separate in the next week or so, give no warning, change tthe locks and put a suitcase with your plan B letter on the stoop.

Its a year later and we have been separated because we argue to much, my resentment has drove him back to her as I kept on uncovering lies.

He attempted suicide by a rope and I cut him down. The police were called. Despite this the affair continued and I found out again this week. There was a three way conversation with the mistress and she would not confirm or deny they have continued seeing each but my husband denied we were working on our marriage.

I have made him a financial offer and arrangements for him to see the kids and he sent me a text saying, he is sorry for the pain he has cause and he is embarrassed and ashamed of himself and that he does loves me. I know that he is fragile and tells me that he is very unhappy with his life and I do fear he will attempt suicide again as he is an emotional wreck. He tells me how lonely he is without the kids and family and perhaps this is why he has asked for her comfort. I called the mistresses soon to be ex-husband and found out that she had multiple affairs during there marriage and my husband is one of many.

I have told him to continue seeing his therapist. I also found out that his father added the mistress on to his Facebook page in recent weeks. We have not even taped on the problems in our marriage because the affair is still going. But he is our marriage problem, my husbands loyalty is to his dad never me and he does not want us to be together because its like a competition of loyalty. So I don't think the marriage has the support it needs to be a to continue.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I still do love him but I think the affair life of over 4 years means that perhaps I am the one who is to leave the picture and I know I will be ok now. I'm tired of the lies. I'm not scared anymore but disappointed I could not save it.

After seeing a therapist I know my husband just want to be loved and I did cut him down, I know I did the wrong thing, I wanted him to feel my pain. I don't know if he can ever be honest if I gave him a chance again.

The affair never ended, he drove (back) to her all by himself.

What do i do now

How am I supposed to know the affair is over to begin contemplating reconciliation if at all? I'm exhausted.

Welcome back, hickstt. I would go into Plan B and file for divorce. There is nothing to save here, sorry.

File for divorce and go into Plan B.

File for divorce and go into Plan B.

Are you going to take our advice this time or just wallow around in confusion and chaos for another year? This is taking years off your life, not just because you have wasted another year but in the health impacts it is having on you to live this way.

It is not your Task to prove to him he is having an Affair. He has to prove to you that he is worthy to be your husband.
So far he has not even endet his Affair.

Unless and untill he comes hat in hand willing to do anything you want, your marriage is done, if there ever was one.
You were married, but he was living a single lifestyle while having the perks of a free secretary, Cook, housemaid, childbearer and -caretaker. Why in the World would he want to change that? Who washed and ironed the clothes he took her out in? Who was babysitting his children while he was lying in her Arms? Who wrote the administrative bills so that he had money to buy her presents? Two women is even better than 1. Have you any idea why he would want to change the constellation?

You have practically been in a multiple-year Plan A.
Please read up on Plan a and Plan B.

He conveniently hanged himself where you would See it. If he had been serious he would have shot himself or jumped in front of the train. But now he has essentially blackmailed you into being supportive of all of his whims... Or else.

What Kind of a man would leave his family and children to fetch for themselves. And lose the therapist. If he want to be loved he has to behave in ways that make him lovable. Hint: taking time and money away from the family and Sh...... another man's wife ain't it.

You are not accountable for what he has done nor for what he will do in the future. He is. I could be wrong, but I suspect that he is just as narcissistic as his das and rather than his dad influencing him in the wrong way, he is conciously seeking Support for his wrongdoing where he know he will get it, well knowing his mum would not approve.