Did you expose to the OM's parents?

Do you have a VAR where you can listen in the moment? What type is it?

Yes I exposed to OM's mom. His dad is dead.

I just have a cheap smart phone with an auto recorder and GPS tracker on it. I have to take it out and charge it every night and transfer the files to my phone for inspection.

I'm still waiting to get a chance to install it permanently to the car's wiring and set it up where I can listen in live.

I coukdnt find a VAR anywhere. To order one I will have to get a PO Box to mail it to so WW doesn't see it

It looks like they had only been talking about once every 5 days or so recently. I guess that's why she hadn't been in withdrawal after sending the NC letter Saturday evening, since she knew she woukd talk to him again and was already used to long stretches without talking.

I've been ignoring her texts for the past few hours. Eventually I noticed her tone changed and she finally called and was talking about getting furniture for us this evening and acting like nothing ever happened this morning. When we got off the phone she told me to stop being mean. So I texted her saying "I need you to show me it is safe to trust you and that I won't keep getting hurt. And there has to be no contact between you and OM for the rest of our lives. If you can do that, I swear you will have a happy and loving marriage." She said "ok".

Also, I noticed from the recordings that it was WW that broke contact first. OM seems to have been respecting the NC letter.

This is the perfect time to ask for full transparency, and to insist that social media must be done away with. It's the perfect time to bring up the checklist again.

yup!!

Sounds like a plan. Thanks

I'm also wondering, if she keeps getting caught and the only penalty is me constantly telling her to end the affair, what stops her from eventually figuring that out and just settling with that? Like today, I caught her and told her it hurt me and that she has to stop and be transparent, but now I am back to treating hear nicely and acting like I'm not bothered.
My instinct tells me to mope around and show her how miserable I really feel inside.

Oh, that would be sexy. What woman wouldn't want to get a piece of that?

The OM isn't moping around. You don't want to make him more attractive than you by comparison. The point of Plan A is to show her how good it could be for her if she were to come back to you.

Your wording here concerns me. Penalty? Do you see yourself being in a position that can dole out punishment to her? You marriage will not survive that kind of attitude, even if she were to come back.

What is important is what YOU will settle for. If she doesn't end her affair, you should plan to separate. Six months is a good length of time for Plan A. But you need to be planning to move.

She kept me up until midnight asking to see my phone and trying to figure out how I was able to spy on her. I kept repeating the same thing about stopping the affair because it's causing me pain. She ended up texting OM right in front of me to tell him I was spying on them and she kept saying she doesn't care if I spy and will just start contacting him openly. She also said I can shove that "Surviving an Affair" checklist up my @$$. She also said I am a liar and shady for hiding the tracking apps on my phone. She said that we cant get past the affair and rebuild because I keep tracking her and keeping myself from getting over it. Finally after 2 hours of following me around the house and waking me up in the spare bed to yell and put me down, she sent OM another NC letter and laid by me and held my hand and went to sleep. I asked her how long was the no contact going to last this time,she said forever. I won't be holding my breath though.

I am trying today to follow through with Plan A, but it's going to take a few days to recover after that mental abuse last night. She thinks she has it figured out how I am tracking her and believes I am actually tracking OM's phone instead of hers. I want to tell her I heard their entire conversation, because she thinks I was only able to see that she called OM and wasn't able to hear. I don't want her to figure out the recorder in her car, but I also want her to know I heard everything so she will be worried I am listening the next time she tries to speak to him.

Also, I took the tracking equipment out of her car until a few days from now in case she figures it out and starts searching her car.

Never reveal how you know.

Be careful to never say anything that will give her clues to her guess how you are getting info.

Keep bringing up transparency and the checklist. Annoy the heck out of her by bringing it up.

Ok. She's been ok so far this morning. She told me OM tried to send her a message and that she didn't respond and deleted the app. But she is usually ok for the first few days of NC. So I'll see what she does Monday or Tuesday when he tries to contact her another way.

Perfect time to bring up transparency and the checklist.

Also, this might be a good day to go buy her a new phone with a new number. And close out the old phone.

Good ideas Prisca and Apples. Thanks.

Things have been going the same until last night. She had still been ignoring my "I love you's" and not reacting or returning my physical affection, like putting my arm around her or rubbing her shoulders.
Until she made a huge improvement last night. We went to a wedding with all the people she works with. On the way to the wedding I noticed she called me "baby" once or twice. Once we made it to the wedding, she started acting like her old self and started holding my hand and telling me she loved me and kissing me and wanting to take pictures with me all night. It could have been just as show in front of her coworkers, but it continued on the way home and all the way until we went to sleep.

I guess I will see if it continues, and keep doing plan A. Hopefully it lasts, since it makes plan A much easier to follow through with. But I don't want to get excited just to be crushed again in a few days.

Expect to get crushed in a few days. Her feelings will fluctuate. She may even test you. Be steady like you have with your plan A and keep giving her positive, simple statements of your plans for a better future. She will go through times where she questions herself for allowing you back in. You will be waiting for the other shoe to drop for a while. This is where your snooping can bring comfort. Blind trust cannot ever provide that same type of peace of mind or direction.