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I am embarrassed to admit my tech. illiteracy. My wife taught me how to reply on here, that is about all I know. I do however know what the book says, and this may help to clarify things further. HW/SW p.28-" If a couple can agree that a mutual short-term sacrifice for each of them can achieve a mutual long-term advantage for both of them, such a plan can actually be helpful to their marriage as long as basic emotional needs are being met during the time of sacrifice." This was my basic proposal; we were seeking your opinion. A more accurate opening title would have read," Should We Separate?" I feel like markos may have jumped to some conclusions when he began to comment on my post without reading it in its entirety. If that is true,it certainly has not been helpful. It has added a lot of stress to an already extremely stressful situation.
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I am embarrassed to admit my tech. illiteracy. My wife taught me how to reply on here, that is about all I know. I do however know what the book says, and this may help to clarify things further. HW/SW p.28-" If a couple can agree that a mutual short-term sacrifice for each of them can achieve a mutual long-term advantage for both of them, such a plan can actually be helpful to their marriage as long as baspic emotional needs are being met during the time of sacrifice." This was my basic proposal; we were seeking your opinion. A more accurate opening title would have read," Should We Separate?" I feel like markos may have jumped to some conclusions when he began to comment on my post without reading it in its entirety. If that is true,it certainly has not been helpful. It has added a lot of stress to an already extremely stressful situation. To respond to a specific post, just click the quote box at the bottom of that post. So are you telling us that your situation was dire enough to warrant a separation but not an email to Dr. Harley?
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Will you email Dr. Harley? I think this is your best option. Indianajordan, Why won't you answer this question?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I am embarrassed to admit my tech. illiteracy. My wife taught me how to reply on here, that is about all I know. I do however know what the book says, and this may help to clarify things further. HW/SW p.28-" If a couple can agree that a mutual short-term sacrifice for each of them can achieve a mutual long-term advantage for both of them, such a plan can actually be helpful to their marriage as long as basic emotional needs are being met during the time of sacrifice." This was my basic proposal; we were seeking your opinion. A more accurate opening title would have read," Should We Separate?" I feel like markos may have jumped to some conclusions when he began to comment on my post without reading it in its entirety. If that is true,it certainly has not been helpful. It has added a lot of stress to an already extremely stressful situation. When your wife says NO, you should drop it. Nowhere does Dr Harley say to keep demanding your wife bend to your dictates. That is what has brought stress into your marriage. You have used very abusive tactics with your wife. Don't blame Markos. Will you email Dr. Harley and get his advice? You seem to be so fixated on your own agenda that you are not listening to us. Hopefully he can get through to you.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I am embarrassed to admit my tech. illiteracy. My wife taught me how to reply on here, that is about all I know. I do however know what the book says, and this may help to clarify things further. HW/SW p.28-" If a couple can agree that a mutual short-term sacrifice for each of them can achieve a mutual long-term advantage for both of them, such a plan can actually be helpful to their marriage as long as basic emotional needs are being met during the time of sacrifice." This was my basic proposal; we were seeking your opinion. A more accurate opening title would have read," Should We Separate?" I feel like markos may have jumped to some conclusions when he began to comment on my post without reading it in its entirety. If that is true,it certainly has not been helpful. It has added a lot of stress to an already extremely stressful situation. You are quoting that out of context. It is not a recommendation to spend nights apart.
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Will you email Dr. Harley and get his advice? You seem to be so fixated on your own agenda that you are not listening to us. Hopefully he can get through to you. Sure seems that way to me too, Mel. Jordan, please listen to us. Your wife's goodwill is running out. Her desire to spend any amount of time with you is gone. You are very confused about some things, and thank goodness you came here. This is an emergency. Your family is drowning, and you are arguing because you are too proud to get help. How sad. Cmon Jordan. Are you pulling our legs here with this whole story?
Last edited by DidntQuit; 05/13/16 10:06 AM.
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I am embarrassed to admit my tech. illiteracy. My wife taught me how to reply on here, that is about all I know. I do however know what the book says, and this may help to clarify things further. HW/SW p.28-" If a couple can agree that a mutual short-term sacrifice for each of them can achieve a mutual long-term advantage for both of them, such a plan can actually be helpful to their marriage as long as basic emotional needs are being met during the time of sacrifice." This was my basic proposal; we were seeking your opinion. A more accurate opening title would have read," Should We Separate?" I feel like markos may have jumped to some conclusions when he began to comment on my post without reading it in its entirety. If that is true,it certainly has not been helpful. It has added a lot of stress to an already extremely stressful situation. I think the problem is that you are a jerk who ignores your wife's feelings and emotional needs just like you ignore the people trying to help you. I can tell you are not serious about Marriage Builders and His Needs Her Needs at all, because if you were you would JUMP at the chance to talk personally with the author.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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We've been active in this program for years, Buddy. We know what it says. We know it inside out. And it doesn't recommend a separation the way you are describing it.
You are misunderstanding and misusing the program, and it's driving your wife away.
CONTACT DR. HARLEY! He's a nice guy, and easy to talk to.
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I am embarrassed to admit my tech. illiteracy. My wife taught me how to reply on here, that is about all I know. I do however know what the book says, and this may help to clarify things further. HW/SW p.28-" If a couple can agree that a mutual short-term sacrifice for each of them can achieve a mutual long-term advantage for both of them, such a plan can actually be helpful to their marriage as long as basic emotional needs are being met during the time of sacrifice." This was my basic proposal; we were seeking your opinion. A more accurate opening title would have read," Should We Separate?" I feel like markos may have jumped to some conclusions when he began to comment on my post without reading it in its entirety. If that is true,it certainly has not been helpful. It has added a lot of stress to an already extremely stressful situation. I think the problem is that you are a jerk who ignores your wife's feelings and emotional needs just like you ignore the people trying to help you. I can tell you are not serious about Marriage Builders and His Needs Her Needs at all, because if you were you would JUMP at the chance to talk personally with the author. I think Indiana is trying to say that he does not understand HOW to email Dr. Harley. Indiana, If I am correct - do you have an email account? If so, start a new email to bradio@marriagebuilders.com. That will email Joyce Harley who will work with Dr. Harley to get an answer to you. Make sure your phone number is included in the email, and check your email account for an answer. If you don't have an email account, ask your wife to help you set one up and show you how to check it.
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mbradio@marriagebuilders.com
the "m" dropped off your reply anywife.
Me: 57 Her: 54
M: 31 years
Kids(DS23, DD20, DS18)
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[quote=Indianajordan]Can anyone explain to me why Harley allows for separation on grounds of persistent and long-term neglect of emotional needs for women and not for men? Are not the effects just as devastating to the marriage? Have you written Dr. Harley and asked him? Email your questions to Joyce Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com. When your email question is chosen to be answered on the radio show, you will be notified by email directing you to listen to the rebroadcast. If you would like to consider being a caller, include your telephone number. You will be called by us to explain the procedure to you. Every caller will receive a complementary book by Dr. Harley that addresses their question.I myself and many other posters have explained many, many times on how to email Dr. Harley.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I assure you I am not pulling any legs. Just ask my wife, she can verify anything you wish to know. Believe me, I know this is a dire emergency, my gut continually reminds me. I wish you would not refer to me as a jerk. I do not think that is helpful. If I wanted to suffer name calling I would go back to grade school. I described above how much I care about my wife's emotional needs. I think I said in my last post that I do not know how. My wife handles all business communications. I use my cell phone to talk and text,that is it. I know we have an email account but I never use it. On top of that, I never learned to type. My wife typed the original post but I have been on my own since. It can take me up to 3 hrs to compose some of these longer posts. I have been waking 4am. to go on here before I start my day. The thought of having to start all over again feels impossibly daunting. Is there any possible way just to get Joyce to read this stuff? I cannot endure this any longer,I am ready to quit.
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Why dont you copy and paste a couple posts into an email?
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Do you see in the bottom right corner of each post where it says Email Post?
You can click on that and send those to mbradio@marriagebuilders.com
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I wish you would not refer to me as a jerk. I do not think that is helpful. Well, the first step is to identify the problem, and the second step is to solve it. The way you treat your wife hurts her terribly. We have raised many many issues on this thread listing ways in which you hurt your wife, and I haven't seen you invest any effort in proposing solutions for her issues. You talk about yourself but not her and demonstrate no understanding of the things you are doing that make your marriage bad for her. I described above how much I care about my wife's emotional needs. It's not how you feel that will help your wife - it's what you do. It's not like television where all a couple needs is to each realize that the other really cares, and then everything is okay. I think I said in my last post that I do not know how. My wife handles all business communications. I use my cell phone to talk and text,that is it. I know we have an email account but I never use it. On top of that, I never learned to type. This really isn't that hard. The message you are sending is that your wife isn't worth it to you, your marriage isn't worth it to you, and you are not that interested in figuring out how to make Marriage Builders work in your marriage if it involves any effort or change on your part.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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My wife typed the original post but I have been on my own since. It can take me up to 3 hrs to compose some of these longer posts. I have been waking 4am. to go on here before I start my day. The thought of having to start all over again feels impossibly daunting. Is there any possible way just to get Joyce to read this stuff? I cannot endure this any longer,I am ready to quit. You don't have to start over. You can copy and paste your initial post into an email, add your phone # and ask them to call. Do you want to solve your problems or not?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I assure you I am not pulling any legs. Just ask my wife, she can verify anything you wish to know. Believe me, I know this is a dire emergency, my gut continually reminds me. I wish you would not refer to me as a jerk. I do not think that is helpful. If I wanted to suffer name calling I would go back to grade school. I described above how much I care about my wife's emotional needs. I think I said in my last post that I do not know how. My wife handles all business communications. I use my cell phone to talk and text,that is it. I know we have an email account but I never use it. On top of that, I never learned to type. My wife typed the original post but I have been on my own since. It can take me up to 3 hrs to compose some of these longer posts. I have been waking 4am. to go on here before I start my day. The thought of having to start all over again feels impossibly daunting. Is there any possible way just to get Joyce to read this stuff? I cannot endure this any longer,I am ready to quit. In the time it took for you to defend yourself, you could have had an email off to Joyce.
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In the time it took for you to defend yourself, you could have had an email off to Joyce. Since she was willing to help you with your first post, she would surely be willing to show you how to address an email, post the text, and press "send".
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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What is plan after hearing Dr. Harley's direct advice?
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Good job Jordan!!
That was an act of goodwill toward your wife and your marriage for you to go on the show. You did a great job.
As you listen to the show over the weekend, make sure to listen to the part directly after you hung up as well.
Hopefully you and your wife can eliminate your lovebusters and work on UA time.
Are you going to approach your wife to schedule 15 hours?
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