Hello.How long I'm I suppose to take this treatment? For about 2/3 yrs my husband has completely changed towrds me. Been notice the issues in our marriage is getting worst. Since our last argument in Dec,15, He cut ALL communications with me. He moved out of bedrm. Everyday when he comes home he ignors me as if I'm not there. For almost 5 months he's cut me off emotionally, physically, and is not supporting financially.Our issues are NOT this bad where he has to do this. Believe me, Weve been thru worst and got thur those times! I've always been a submissive/supportive wife, and mother to our kids. I'm a good wife! I've tried to come talk to him 4x never works. He keeps rejected me and blaming me for our issues. He nevered came not one time to pray or work anything out. I ask him to pray.. I ask him for marriage counseling bc we both have issues we need it. But he's not interested and he sds he does not need it. I told him our marriage comes first. He told me it does not and his purpose/pastoring comes first & hes going on with his life and is not stopping for me or our marriage issues. he doesnt care how I feel and that these issues are destroying our marriage. Since then I've taken time from the church he's pastoring, bcse of the emotional pain he's putting me thru. Every sun preaches/pray to everyone like there's nothing wrong. In all our 24 yrs of marriage..he has never treated me like this! Hes literally ignoring me don't communicate at All. Im getting professional counseling for me How long I'm I suppose to deal with this? It's really hard being in the same house with him and he treating me like he doesn't want me and doesn't care nothing for me..

Welcome to MB.

How long are you supposed to take that treatment?

I think you know very well that you are not "supposed" take it at all, so what is your real question?

What are these "issues"?

The issue that springs to my mind is that your husband is having an affair.

Please tell me about your professional counselling. What does it deal with, and what is it designed to achieve?

Your husband is having an affair. Quietly start snooping.

I know..What it looks sounds like. I knw I don't have to be treated like this.. I just tried of having to deal with how he's treating me.. I feel like we need to separate. He comes in the house on the phone laughing and all cheerful like he he's is not wrong with how he he ignoring me..
I went 4 times and he rejecting me saying I'm out of order and I'm rebellious bc I have not been coming to the church. I stop going when he cut all communications off with me 4 months ago. i go to church just not his. I told him he has put me thru so much emotional pain and it hard to sit their listening to him praying over everyone else. and I've ask and ask him for to pray with me in the home.. and he won't do it.. I told him our homes comes first and I'm still here at home. He's out of order because he don't won't to fix our home issues. he goes the church like nothing is wrong.

our issues is only normal marriages disagreement issue..financial issues.. I notice a change in him. when he became a pastor of a large church 4 yrs ago..he still works a full time job and he also pastors this church.
before when we argued we use to immediately come together and pray and forgive each other.. but now when we argue he will go days without speaking. Like he he right.. I would always be the one to try to go talk and apologize even if I didn't do anything wrong just to bring us back together. Also, it use to be our money now it's his money.. Everything has turned to his stuff.. I always worked a job from day one, he never had any issues with me not working.. ive never clubbed, I'm not on drugs. I always follow the bible on my role as being a submissive wife. he never validated my feelings. When I tell him how I feel abt something he always makes me feel like my feeling are wrong. For ex. If i say I feel we spend more time tgether he say I'm trying to control him. I just want my way. He always treated me like he so superior and what ever I say don't matter.. he never listen to me abt anything..

You need to find out what is going on. Check out the Operation Investigate thread. You are looking for evidence of an affair. Check phone and bank records, internet activity, use hidden voice recordings, but find out the truth. If necessary, get a PI. When you find evidence, you tell everyone you know, including the church board , family and children. We call this exposure.

When you find the evidence, come back here. We will give you the next steps.

I agree with the others that it sounds like he is having an affair. You need to quietly snoop on him to find out the truth so you know how to fight this. It is very possibly with someone he is associated with through the new church.

Do you have access to his cell phone, computer, email, social media accounts? Can you place a VAR in his car or anywhere else he might talk to someone on the phone?

I'm going to a Christian counselor at another church.. When he stop ignoring me and stop talking to me I needed some help with my emotional pain. I have never experienced anything like this in our marriage in 24 yrs. I ve suppresss alot of stuff over the yrs just to keep from arguing.. now this has gotten too mch for me to handle.. Its like hes trying to break me completely down bc he knows how much i love him. I gave my all to him and our kids ( they are grown now 21 and 23. ..
and that where I went wrong.. Its helping me focus more on me and on what God has for me..

Yes someone just told me abt the var yesterday..
I'm I'm baffled.. this seems so unreal.. never thought I would of have deal with this.

No i can't get access to his phone. he keep alot of stuff at work and at church..

Ok I will check out the operation thread

Yes.. that what everyone is telling me.. you just not all of a sudden stop loving your wife.. you just don't do it unless ur loving someone else..

You do need to find out about this (very likely) affair, but even if there is not an affair, you need to separate from him. Your husband knows that his behaviour is making you unhappy and crushing your spirit, and he knows that he is being cruel, but he refuses to stop. There is no point in trying to reason with him any more; you need to get yourself out of harm's way.

How can you separate from him? Do you have dependent children still at home? How old are they? Do you think he would leave if you asked him to? If not, do you have family that would take you in? Do you earn your own income? Is your house owned, or rented?

You need to tell your close friends and family, and your husband's congregation, how he has been treating you.

Theere is no such thing as "normal marriages disagreement issue". Please be more specific.

Financial issues are not normal to my marriage, for example.

Are you having financial issues? What is the basic problem? (For example, one of you might be spending on luxuries and running up huge bills.)

Are you having other issues? What are they?

Here while you start your snooping.
Beware of Bad Counselors

I agree with sugarcane.

Your post got me thinking as I am highly involved in a church.My thought is that your best bet for snooping is to go back to the church and get as involved as you can. A pastor will often talk about himself in sermons,I am thinking it may be your best to go into investigation mode. He may not be having a full blown affair,my first thought is that an emotional affair may be taking place with a woman in the church.Do you have access to his office? Maybe,look at his appointment book and see if there is one person he sees more the others,try putting a voice activated recorder somewhere in his office.Does he have an associate pastor you can confide in?

This may not be what you want to hear... Another opinion saying it sounds like he's having an affair... But having been somewhat in your shoes, I have to say it certainly sounds like he could be. Even an emotional affair as another member suggested.

My Ex did similar behaviours. She froze me out. Silence, avoidance, no communication. I hear you on the painful aspect of it. It was agony for me. Yet she'd be cheery too others. I thought she was such a fake.

She denied affair when asked by many of us. Then one day, the lid blew off the whole thing and it proved true. I never wanted to know if it was emotional or more than that, but they were definitely together and are til this day.

Life has taught me people's behaviours don't suddenly Change for no reason. Something is behind it.

Be encouraged though. I thought and felt at time that I could not make it through. But I kept going, a day at a time. Made many mistakes along the way. But through it all, closer to God and more capable in many aspects of life than I ever was.

I don't know why we go through these things. But I am convinced God will do something positive through them. For us and others.

I have no advice. Lots of good advice given already by others. The only thing I can add is to be another voice suggesting taking the advice. There were times for me I was in so much pain I couldn't think clearly. So I relied on what others who I could trust suggested I do. Stay close to good people. Surrender the situation to God and don't try to control it. Take care of yourself and those you are responsible for.

Your husband is on his journey and it doesn't sound like a good one. It will reveal itself in time.

I've just prayed for you and will continue to believe for best for you.

Chazz