Hi, I was wondering if anyone had any advice about how to ease things with other people who know of my affair (such as friends and family). When H found out about the affair he went to his friends and family for support. I'm not angry that he did this, but I do have to see these people again. The problem is that not only did I lie to him about the affair I lied to all of his friends who asked me and were trying to help us, so they feel betrayed too. Thanks in advance for any advice, it is greatly appreciated.

Sierra,<BR> Problem is they were betrayed too, not in the same way as you but a lie is a lie. My H was the betrayer and he ended up having to deal with family on a one to one basis, offering apologies where necessary. Being up front is hard but necessary. If people don't know and were not effected I feel it should be left unknown. As Christians we need to make amends where we have offended and that is something the betrayer has to work through. Wish there was an easy way but God does give grace. In our situation it took alot of time and effort, others need to regain trust again too. First and foremost the trust must be restored in the marriage, then the others effected get their turn. The betrayed need to be careful when seeking the support of family that they don't fan the fire and make recovery harder in the process. I am afraid that I was guilty of doing that exact thing and I regret it dearly.<P>------------------<BR>eyes wide open<BR>

Yes, I agree I was guilty of fanning the fire by telling my family and friends. But at the point I found out I needed support and needed it fast, and because most of my friends aren't local I had to call around to find ones that were home. I wish I could go back and not tell as many people as I did, but I know my friend and family and they will forgive. It will just takes some apoligies and time. I'm sorry honey, but your doing a great job, and together we will make it.

Sierra, I too am a "betrayer". It seems to me if I read the reply correctly, that KLS is your H?? If so, I must applaud him for being open and willing to show his support for you. I am sure that with a man like that behind you, you will be able to deal with the "family and friends" dilemma. My W has been overwhelmingly supportive and caring throughout the past month (since I've told her) and I must say that it really helps to know that our spouses love, and are willing to forgive us, when we make such big mistakes. You two take care of and love each other. <P><BR> Arik

Sierra & KLS --<P>My advice -- don't tell anyone else. This is your issue as a couple and nobody else's. I know it feels good to share or vent with somebody else, but the more people informed, the more everyone feels "obligated" to offer opinions. You don't need there ideas -- you need each others. Only the two of you know the root of the problem. <P>Nosey family and/or friends (there's always one nosey one out there) are death! At least you both seem aware of what the other side is going through. Keep up the efforts to rebuild, but keep the outsiders out.<P>-- keystone