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Re: Marriage after Alcohol Recovery
SugarCane #2881787 05/15/16 11:23 AM
Joined: Sep 2008
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SugarCane Offline
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SugarCane
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If I can feel such unpleasantness rom just reading your feelings on this thread, I can well imagine how your wife feels actually iving with those feelings.

BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
Re: Marriage after Alcohol Recovery
kyle220 #2881788 05/15/16 11:27 AM
Joined: Sep 2008
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SugarCane Offline
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SugarCane
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Originally Posted by kyle220
Today, I am 4 years sober and realize the damage I did to my wife and our marriage. The more she complained, nagged, and tried to control me the more I neglected her emotional needs.
Even this opening statement places the blame on your wife, and not on your drinking and other love busters. According to this, the problems started when she "complained, nagged and tried to control you". Your neglect was a reaction to that, in this explanation.

Nowhere do you describe how your drinking might have led to her complaining (and rightfully so), and nagging when you did not respond, and trying to control you while you drank (someone had to control something in that household), instead of kicking you out out of the home as she should have done.

BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
Re: Marriage after Alcohol Recovery
SugarCane #2881790 05/15/16 12:16 PM
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
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Texas
M
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MelodyLane
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Texas
As a teenager, I got along famously with my alcoholic father but was always in conflict with my disciplinarian mother. There was a good reason I got along so well with my father: we were emotionally the SAME AGE. I was in a state of rebellion and he fed those flames. My selfish father fanned the flames of resentment against my mother, making my rebellion WORSE. HE resented my mother and I believe he wanted me to resent her too. [so I would like him more]

Alcoholics do not grow up so, of course, they will relate to folks close to their emotional "age." My father died in 2006 at age 66 and he was still 18 years old.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101
Re: Marriage after Alcohol Recovery
MelodyLane #2881811 05/15/16 02:55 PM
Joined: May 2016
Posts: 16
K
kyle220
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kyle220
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K Offline
Joined: May 2016
Posts: 16
I will begin reading the lovebusters today. Thanks!
Re: Marriage after Alcohol Recovery
kyle220 #2882691 05/27/16 09:26 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479
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Moved to Uranus
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BrainHurts Offline
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BrainHurts
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Moved to Uranus
Here's a good question on alcoholics.
Radio Clip of a Question about an Alcoholic

FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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