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Originally Posted by Prisca
Exposure is crucial to your recovery, greyseason. You need to talk to your friends, family, and clergy if there are any. You should also tell any child over the age of 4 what is happening (in age appropriate language).

He will need to be held accountable by the community around you if you are to recover. If you choose to NOT recover with him, the people around you will be a support system for YOU.


Ouch. This will be painfully difficult. It makes sense though. I have a question, in particular, about kids. Are there any articles or advice on how and what to tell kids?

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Originally Posted by apples123
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html

Dr Harley's article on how to survive infidelity.

Thank you!!

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Read Melodylane's Exposure 101 thread. It includes great advice and a template letter.

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Quote
I have a question, in particular, about kids. Are there any articles or advice on how and what to tell kids?
You need to set the kids down without your husband and let them know "Daddy has had girlfriends. Married people are not supposed to have girlfriends, and it has hurt Mommy terribly." Children as young as 4 can understand that. Change the language to be appropriate for the age of your child, but that is essentially what they need to know.

Children are perceptive. They know when something is wrong. They need to know WHAT is wrong, though.


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Originally Posted by Prisca
Children are perceptive. They know when something is wrong. They need to know WHAT is wrong, though.

Children are also little narcissists (naturally - I'm not insulting your children) and if they are not told what is wrong, then they perceive it probably has something to do with them.....then they try to manage it or fix it or intervene or modify their behavior hoping they can control their environment.

They may not like the truth but children can handle the truth (it is what it is) much better than lies. They are already handicapped with one parent that has the proclivity to lie to such extremes that he's destroyed the person(s) that he claims to love the most. They NEED reliable honesty from you.

Also, avoid the tendency to want to apologize for your husband to them or give them any assurance their father loves them. His behavior the last 10 years or so is a pretty good indication that he doesn't or that he might be incapable of it. I'm not saying he can't change but you aren't required to speak for him in order to reassure your children about his thoughts and feelings. This isn't a "mommy and daddy both love you but are just having trouble loving one another right now" moment. Your husband cheated on the whole family and squandered family resources abusing you, them as well as the female sex workers. He MAY choose to become a decent person again. That has yet to be seen; but, his epiphanies, promises and words are certainly transparently shallow at this point in time.

You also may choose to help him become better. Hold him accountable....etc. But that doesn't mean you have to reconcile your relationship with him. Sexual addiction has an undertone of victimhood within it as in, he couldn't help himself and he's just a poor victim of his family of origin, childhood abuse, the porn industry and his uncontrollable addiction. I don't buy it and neither should you. As I pointed out in his other thread there MAY BE some underlying mental conditions here that really need to get checked out, like Bi-Polar disorder. Such condition, if it exists needs to be treated and stabilized with medication as a first step to recovery.

Have you ever read Dr. Harley's thoughts on Sexual Addiction? There's a lot of material out there on the subject and lots of counselors/psychologists/coaches making lots of money trying to label and then help people with this so-called "condition" but if he was truly a sex addict he wouldn't be discriminating with such addictions....he'd just have sex with whomever, wherever and the more convenient the better. He purposefully and knowingly took calculated risks and choose prostitutes believing he'd be less likely to get caught thereby managing and controlling his image and your love for him despite his constant cheating. Those were cold calculated moves unlike the true crackhead addict that doesn't bother keeping it a secret or hiding it anymore from anyone and will do anything or anyone to fulfill their psychological and physical addictive wants. Also, he fessed up precisely because he can and always could control this nasty hurtful habit. He chose it....he didn't bump into this prostitutes drunk at a bar one night and have it offered to him....he sought these girls out, arranged it so you couldn't catch him and went to a lot of trouble to have anonymous strange sex that you wouldn't find out about. In my opinion, a true "sex addict" wouldn't do that. They'd screw anything and everything they could. But I'm not a counselor, doctor or psychologist so what do I know?

Originally Posted by Dr. Harley Article
What is Sexual Addiction? by Willard F. Harley, Jr., Ph.D. - Marriage Builders

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8120_sex_addiction.html

What is Sexual Addiction?

By Willard F. Harley, Jr., Ph.D.



Karen and Marty had decided to join a swingers club where they each had sex with other members of the group. They felt that it might add spice to their own sexual relationship. But after participating for a while, Marty found that it was actually interfering with it. His wife had become far more interested in sex with other men than she was with him.
After they quit attending, Marty caught Karen sneaking out occasionally to join groups that got together for sex. Whenever she was caught, she was very apologetic and promised it would not happen again. But within a few weeks, the cycle would repeat itself. As he employed increasingly suppressive measures to keep her faithful, she employed increasingly creative ways to get away long enough be with a group.

Karen was always very contrite. She felt guilty about what she was doing and apologized profusely. She received therapy for sexual addiction and attended a support group regularly. But it didn't help.

After returning from a weekend with a sex club, she would be happy to be with Marty for about a week. Then, for the next two weeks, she would become increasingly depressed. Marty could see her planning to leave him in her eyes, but she would not admit it. Then she'd be gone again.

I recommended moving to another state, where Karen would not have such easy access to sex clubs, but Marty was near retirement age, and didn't think he could find another job somewhere else. Karen depended on him financially, and would probably have joined him if he had moved. But whenever an addict cannot be separated from the source of their addiction, recovery is very difficult, if not impossible. As far as I know, they never moved, and Karen did not recover.

Why are you having marital problems?

That's a question I ask couples when I try to help create a plan for their marriage. I want to know which emotional needs are being unmet and which Love Busters are running amok. But a response I've heard throughout my career as a marriage counselor is, "my spouse is insane," or something to that effect.

I'll admit that I've seen a few cases of insanity among struggling couples. But it's much rarer than most people think. Those I've treated for serious mental disorders have tended to be single, not married. The process of courting usually eliminates from contention those who are truly insane. So why would a spouse conclude that the root of their marital problems is found in the other spouse's mental disorder? One answer is that it usually deflects attention from their own contribution to the problem. Instead of joining in a mutual effort to solve their marital problems, with each accepting some responsibility, one spouse wants the other to be "fixed." Extensive therapy is usually suggested giving the "healthy" spouse the right to sit on the sidelines waiting to judge the final result.

But over the years, I've witnessed a new class of answers to the question, why are you having marital problems? It's, "my spouse is an addict." I've found this answer to be increasing, while the insanity answer seems to be decreasing.

The reason for that answer, to avoid personal responsibility for the marital problem, might still be the primary motive. But it's a more compelling answer than the insanity answer. Indeed, in our developing culture addiction appears to be on the increase, and it's often a major factor in creating serious marital problems.

In the final analysis, however, everyone's marital problems revolve around spouses failing to meet important emotional needs or failing to avoid Love Busters. So, like the insanity answer, the addiction answer is relevant to the issue only if it can be shown that it contributes to those failures.

So my question, why are you having marital problems, must first be answered in terms of unmet emotional needs and Love Busters. Then, after an effort has been made to meet those needs and avoid Love Busters, and that effort fails, a deeper analysis may find that a mental disorder or an addiction may be standing in the way.

Changes in the meaning of "addiction"

When I completed my Ph.D. degree in psychology in 1967, addiction was a term that referred to dependence on an unhealthy substance, such as alcohol or cigarettes. But today, the term also refers to unhealthy behavior, such as gambling.

What makes a behavior an addiction is primarily its self-destructive characteristics. For example, we don't consider eating food to be an addiction. We depend upon it for our survival. It's only an addiction if we eat so much food that it threatens our health. The same thing can be said of most other behavior. It's the amount of something we do or how we do it that usually determines whether or not it's an addiction. Exercise, video games, work, shopping, reading, and, yes, even sex, can either be healthy or unhealthy depending on how much of it we do and how we do it.

In addition to its self-destructiveness, there's another characteristic of addiction -- guilt and shame. The addict knows that what he or she is doing is wrong, but can't stop doing it.

Finally, a third characteristic is its tendency to be compulsive. The addict wants to stop the behavior, but seems powerless to do so.

Who is a sex addict?

"Sexual addiction" has become an increasingly common answer to my question, why are you having marital problems? Part of the reason for this increase has been due to the explosion of pornography, particularly through the internet. Scores of filtering programs, hundreds of books, and thousands of support groups are offered to help men overcome their "addiction" to pornography.

But does viewing pornography really qualify as a sexual addiction?

Technically, it would be possible for someone who goes to bed drunk almost every night to feel no guilt and live a long and healthy life. If the only problem with his drinking was that it upsets his wife throughout their lives together, is he an addict?

That's the dilemma that we face when trying to decide if someone is a sex addict. Must a compulsive sexual behavior be proven to be unhealthy and cause guilt before it can be considered a sexual addiction? Or, is the simple condition that it upsets his wife reason enough?

I've counseled many men whom we would all agree are sex addicts. Some of them have broken the law by compulsively exposing themselves in public for sexual gratification. They ruin their marriage, their career, and their self-esteem with such behavior. They also feel very guilty about what they've done. Most psychologists have no difficulty diagnosing these offenders as being addicted to sex.

But can someone be a sex addict if they don't break the law? Take Tiger Woods, for example. He had legal sex outside of marriage that, when discovered, ruined his marriage and may have ruined his career. He certainly felt guilty about it after the fact, but did he feel guilty while he was doing it? And was it a compulsive act?

Tiger admitted himself for treatment as a sex addict. It may have been in an effort to save his marriage. His wife, Elin, may have answered the question, why are you having marital problems, with "Tiger's a sex addict." Since she was unwilling to consider her own contribution to their problems, he may have had the choice of either submitting to treatment for sexual addiction or risking an expensive and a terribly damaging divorce. We now know that the treatment didn't actually help him avoid the divorce.

My approach to Tiger's marital problems would have been quite different than the one that was taken. I would have seen his long absences from his wife as a major contributor to his affairs, as they are for most couples. I would have strongly recommended that Elin join him in every golfing event, never leaving him alone overnight, and making sure that his need for sexual fulfillment was met. That's what I recommend to almost everyone who's had an affair.

Elin would probably not have agreed to my advice at first, but I would have told Tiger to avoid golf until she did agree. His number one goal in life would have been to win his wife back to him, even if it meant abandoning his career. Then, after she would feel some hope for their marriage because he put her first in his life, he would only return to golf if she were to join him.

But that's not what the Woods did to solve their marital problems. By taking the "sex addict" path, they divorced. That's because the sex addict approach doesn't address the fact that his emotional need for sexual fulfillment was not being met in marriage due to the lifestyle he chose.

Is your spouse a sex addict?

What if Elin were to join Tiger on his golf tour? What if she were to spend every night with him, willing to make love about as often as he would like? And then, what if he were to sneak out and have sex with a prostitute? Would that make him a sex addict?

Yes, if he felt guilty, and if he felt compelled to do it in spite of the likely consequences that his marriage would be over and his career ruined. Sex would certainly seem to be more important to Tiger than his marriage (or his career, or his religious beliefs, etc.). After being caught with the prostitute, he would claim that he felt he had no choice, and that he felt out of control, the words of an addict.

One of my cardinal rules for marriage is the Policy of Joint Agreement: Never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement between you and your spouse. It's a rule that, when broken, identifies behavior that should be targeted for elimination because while one of you enjoys it, the other is hurt by it.

Anything that you enjoy doing so much that you do it without regard for the feelings of your spouse will damage, and possibly ruin, your marriage. But that kind of behavior is not necessarily an addiction. It can simply be a selfish and foolish choice.

One of the best ways to determine if your spouse is a sex addict or merely being selfish and foolish is to ask why he or she persists in a sexual behavior that is known to offend you. An addict will express the compulsive aspects of the problem and have a deep feeling of guilt for doing it. He or she may even describe something like an "out of body" experience, knowing it's wrong but can't stop.

But you may hear the answer I hear from most husbands who view pornography, a sexual behavior that's offensive to most wives: "There's no harm in it as long as my wife doesn't find out." They don't do it because they feel compelled -- they do it because it's entertaining. What these husbands do is consistent with their general philosophy of marriage, which is that it's sometimes healthy to engage in independent behavior, and that the Policy of Joint Agreement is ridiculous.

Men who view pornography, frequent strip clubs, and even have sexually explicit chats with women on the internet don't usually fit the description of an addict. They readily admit (at least to me) that they violate the Policy of Joint Agreement because they believe that their wives do not have the right to dictate what they can and can't do. In other words, they're being selfish and foolish.

Granted, someone who starts out viewing pornography purely for entertainment can become sexually addicted. When they're caught, although they sincerely agree to end the practice, they find themselves unable to stop. It's similar to the addiction of an affair, where the relationship may have begun as a friendship with sexual overtones, and eventually becomes compulsive.

If your spouse has sincerely promised to avoid sexual activities that offend you, your sexual relationship together has been reasonably fulfilling, and he or she continues to indulge in those offensive sexual activities, voluntarily expressing deep remorse, you're probably married to a sex addict. And the best way to overcome addiction is to separate the addict from his or her source of addiction. In the case of a man who is addicted to internet pornography, he must view the internet under supervision, or not view it at all.

But unlike the problems that Karen and Marty faced, the problems that most couples face when dealing with pornography are not due to addiction. Marital philosophy is usually at root of the problem. If one spouse doesn't grasp the importance of making all decisions with the other spouse's feelings in mind, pornography will not be their only source of conflict. A host of other issues will combine to make their relationship miserable.

The Policy of Joint Agreement is designed to point a couple toward win-win solutions to every problem they face. It's the smartest way for them to deal with conflict. And when it comes to pornography, if a wife is offended when her husband views it and if he is a caring husband, he will avoid it entirely.

What's wrong with a married man viewing pornography now and then?

Most men find naked women to be sexually arousing. It can vary from being mildly stimulating (entertaining) to very stimulating (foreplay). In that sense, it's normal for most men to enjoy, and hence, want to view pornography.

The same can be said of a man touching a woman's body, particularly her breasts, butt, or crotch. But we have strict laws against such behavior unless an adult woman gives clear permission. A woman is regarded as harmed if a man touches her sexually without her consent. Notice that our laws do not consider a man to be harmed if he touches a woman, with or without her consent. That's because there is no convincing evidence that he has been harmed.

Laws against pornography are limited to images of minors because we assume that they are not mature enough to give their permission to be photographed, and are thereby harmed when their images are made public. Naked images of adult women who freely agree to being filmed or photographed are not illegal because the law assumes she is not harmed. If it's through coercion, she is considered to be harmed and it's illegal. Again, the law never assumes that a man is harmed by looking at such images. No one has produced convincing evidence that viewing pornography actually harms the viewer (I'm aware that there are those who feel that they have such evidence, but so far, neither legislatures nor the courts have agreed with them).

So as long as a man views pornographic images of adult women who freely give their consent, what's the fuss all about? The most commonly expressed problem with pornography is given by wives. They see it as a form of infidelity, with their husbands having a sexual experience outside of their marriage. And I believe that they're right. Pornography represents a sexual experience to men that is with someone other than their wives.

I'd be opposed to a particular husband viewing pornography if there was absolutely nothing wrong with it except that it made his wife feel uncomfortable. Any violation of the Policy of Joint Agreement should be avoided. But there are reasons to avoid it, even when a wife enthusiastically agrees to it. One of the most important is known as the "contrast effect."

If you compare one sexual experience with another, the more stimulating experience will make the less stimulating experience seem boring in comparison. If you compare one naked woman with another, the one who's more physically attractive will make the less physically attractive woman appear to be unattractive. That's why I caution men to avoid pornography because it's unfair to his wife to be compared to an 18-year-old girl who has been specially selected for her physical assets.

Most wives know that I'm correct in my analysis. They don't want their naked body to be compared with an 18-year-old's naked body. And they don't want their husbands to be fantasizing about what it would be like having sex with that 18-year-old. They view such fantasies as unfaithfulness.

The same can be said of husbands touching other women inappropriately, even if they have the woman's permission to do so. Most wives feel terribly threatened by such behavior.

Wanting to view pornography, and enjoying it when they do, is normal for men, and not usually a sexual addiction. But most wives do not, and should not, accept it. I feel that it greatly diminishes the value and purpose of marital sex.

If a husband enthusiastically agrees to stop viewing internet pornography because he cares about his wife's feelings, but finds himself helpless to avoid it even when he's taken precautions and feels guilty when he views it, then I'd consider his behavior to be addictive, and he should be treated for the addiction. As I mentioned earlier, the best treatment for addiction to internet pornography is to separate the addict from the source of the addiction, the internet, or guarantee supervision whenever he has access to it.


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Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Hi,

Love and trust are earned through actions NOT words or promises.

[edit]


Your husband has violated your trust and respect numerous times. He has a serious problem and needs professional help.

You also need to set an example for your children and their future marriages. Your decisions must convey that this behavior should not be tolerated.


I'm writing a book about surviving infidelity and came across this forum trying to find material. I fell compelled to give you my opinion because I hate to see these situations.

[edit ``` tos violation ```` this forum is to discuss and share proven Marriage Builder solutions not your personal opinions]



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Sorry you are here but welcome.

I see both you and your WH are getting great advice. Someone asked me to check in on your thread since my ex WH was a serial cheater.

The first thing that I want to emphasize (since it's already been pointed out) is that you need to really step back and ignore the WORDS coming out of your husband's mouth.

They are MEANINGLESS if not backed up by action.

The dramatic remorse, crying about his own pain, the nitpicking and pointing out faults of others, this is all a DISTRACTION from action that he does NOT want to take. Ask me how I know.

I would not be surprised if next he's going to (subtly) try to push in into a different direction from MB for a plan of recovery. Be ready for it.


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Originally Posted by greyseason
Thank you everyone for your help so far! This is excellent guidance. Everything is foggy for me right now so it really helps to have direction. MUCH appreciated.

We get it! It IS overwhelming.

But...you can be overwhelmed AND take action. Feeling foggy is not a good reason to delay exposure. Exposure will actually HELP you because it will give you much needed support that you need.

Exposure is step number one and you do not even need to know the rest of the steps to complete this one.

Your husband is VERY foggy and this step will actually help with this.


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I would suggest you also require that he take a polygraph. Even though it may seem that he has divulged so much it couldn't possibly get worse, we have all seen that it can.

He has had such a deep SSL (secret second life) for so long it is very possible there are layers that have not yet been revealed. It is important for you to know the full truth. If there were more long term affairs, affairs with people you interact with, affairs with people at his work, etc. you need to know to protect yourself.

We can guide you on how to do this, many of us have made 'take and pass a poly' a condition of our recovery.

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Originally Posted by greyseason
A couple weeks ago, my husband confessed with great remorse that he still looked at porn regularly. He indulged in chat rooms, web cam sessions, paid porn sites, Craig's List encounters, and more. He took it further and paid for massage sessions, strip clubs, and sex with escorts. He travels often for work and over the last couple years, he has been with escorts 44 times. The latest girl turned into a fling, who he took to dinner, flew to see her, bought her gifts, and paid her bills.

I spoke to Dr Harley on the radio show about how to have any hope of recovery with a serial cheater. He told me that you have to eliminate opportunity - you have to look at what has enabled the serial cheater to cheat and you have to completely change their lifestyle so that cheating becomes impossible.

I do NOT have one single doubt in my mind that he will tell you (as posters have told your husband and he has resisted) that he cannot have access to a computer, smartphone etc unless you are sitting right beside him. Monitoring does not work for someone like your husband - eliminating the temptation does.

I also do not have one single doubt in my mind that Dr Harley will tell that his job is not compatible for marriage, one that hasn't even suffered infidelity, forget a serial cheater.

Example: Dr Harley He told me that my ex H (3 affairs - no porn addiction) should quit his job and work at home doing something with me, that he should probably not have a smartphone or email, etc.

See?

I am very concerned at the amount of resistance coming from your husband, despite the extreme expression of remorse and wanting to save the marriage. It's a red flag, sorry to say frown

Last edited by SusieQ; 05/26/16 08:11 PM.

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Greyseason...

I think that your husband destroyed the evidence before installing spyware. You need to change the spyware password, and be the holder of every password. Your cell phone or email should be the recovery email for all of his accts so that it emails you if he tries to change it. And he needs a dumbphone with spyware on it that YOU install.

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Greyseason, welcome to Marriage Builders, i am sorry for the reasons that have brought you here. The others already given you great advice. I want to point out some compelling things I see in your husbands posts that are important for you to recognize. Have you ever heard the term "smoke and mirrors?" When you wave the smoke away, there is nothing of substance in his posts. He uses alot of flowery, dramatic words to conceal the fact that there is no plan of action there.

Even when he posts his supposed plan of "action" it is basically worthless window dressing. For example, going off and reading books is not a plan of action. Educating oneself should be a TOOL from which to develop a plan a action, not the PLAN:

Quote
Action Plan 5/26/16:
1) read �Scourge of Pornography� article
2) complete step 4 work
3) contact sponsor
4) listen to Marriage Builder daily podcast
5) continue reading Every Mans Battle
6) show her how to use mspy, have her change passwords and associated email account


None of the above are action steps to protect you from a continued affair. And don't be fooled for 2 seconds about the spyware that HE put on his own computer. Since he knows it is there, he obviously won't do anything wrong on that computer anymore. This is why spy resources that are known to the wayward are worthless. This is worthless. A 5 year old can find multiple ways around this. It takes 2 seconds to turn off a keylogger even if he actually USES that computer. Your husband is a practiced, experienced sneak and this will certainly not stop him.

Nothing short of eliminating all nights apart and finding an occupation where he cannot be on the computer will suffice. All opportunity must be eliminated. Just think, his job has been the cover for his nefarious activities and that will not change unless his job changes. If that does not happen, you will never save your marriage and this will be your future.

Your husband is entirely resistant to this idea because he does not want to change. He got caught and the only thing he is willing to do is go off and read some books and cry some crocodile tears .... FOR HIMSELF. None of that will save your marriage.

Focus on his ACTIONS and not his words. His words mean nothing.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I would also encourage you to dig deep into the financials. He has been hiding money/expenditures from you and you need to know how deep it goes. Pay stubs, tax returns, pull his credit report, bank statements, credit card statements, 401k records, phone bills, college funds, etc.

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I wonder at the timing of the confession. Was someone planning to expose his activities? Is he in trouble at work for his actions? Is the IRS auditing him?

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You could always take his devices to a forensic IT specialist to uncover what is hidden.

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Originally Posted by apples123
I wonder at the timing of the confession. Was someone planning to expose his activities? Is he in trouble at work for his actions? Is the IRS auditing him?

I have wondered the same thing. I would investigate his OW and find out everything you can about her. She may be married and might not be a prostitute at all. We have had waywards make that claim in order to throw the spouse off track. This might be a situation where an angry husband threatened to contact you if your husband did not confess.

You are going to have to become more clever and more savvy than your husband if you want to stay married to him. He is very sneaky.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by apples123
I wonder at the timing of the confession. Was someone planning to expose his activities? Is he in trouble at work for his actions? Is the IRS auditing him?

I have wondered the same thing. I would investigate his OW and find out everything you can about her. She may be married and might not be a prostitute at all. We have had waywards make that claim in order to throw the spouse off track. This might be a situation where an angry husband threatened to contact you if your husband did not confess.

You are going to have to become more clever and more savvy than your husband if you want to stay married to him. He is very sneaky.

I agree very much with this.

The "fling" with the "escort" that he flew out to see was a full-blown affair. I noticed in his thread he tried to make it seem that it was just an escalation of his sex addiction and it was pointed out to him that that didn't make sense - he didn't need to fly out to get sex.

redflag redflag redflag

Something very off with this. That was an full blown AFFAIR.

Did you get that OW's full name?

And I agree about having your WH have a poly.

Last edited by SusieQ; 05/27/16 09:40 AM.

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I also want to point out the fact that these precautions will be something you need to implement FOR LIFE. He cannot quit his job and stay home with you for 6 months and then go find another job that uses computers and travels. He should not be monitored until the dust settles and then you start to 'trust' him again and stop monitoring his every move.

Your WH is a much more serious adulterer than we generally see here. Serial cheaters are addicted to affairs in general and not to a specific person who just happened to meet their needs. Serial cheaters ACTIVELY PURSUE affairs, in your WH's case he actively pursued many many affairs over the course of many many years. And I would bet money on the fact that you STILL do not know everything.

Because of this you need to have even more extraordinary precautions than the average marriage, you need to be monitoring him 24/7 FOR LIFE. If you don't the affairs will continue, the DDays will continue, you (and your children) will be exposed to unsavory characters, STDs, etc. for the rest of your life. I just want you to consider this lifestyle when deciding what to do here.

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