We have been married over 25 years and until last week thought we had a wonderful marriage. We are active in our church, she teaches bible studies. I travel and work two weeks on then two weeks off and while there is a lot of time while I'm gone we have a lot of quality time together. She has what she describes as a fun 9-5 M-F job.
Anyway last week while out of town I was on my phone while and needed her phone for a number. Noticed she was deleting something as handed me the phone. While I had the phone another text came in that had a strange name but not a persons name. She said it was just a group text that several people from work used. Then I noticed that it was from her boss who lives with his wife and has grown children F-M about 6 hours away, but works in her office M-T. Anyway she downplayed it and I was a little curious so looked at cell phone bill and saw that some days there are almost a 100 text between them and that some are as late as 1:00am. When questioned about this she responded with another lie and said that they just chatted about books and he could laugh with him while I was out of the country.
We live in a gated community and I went and got a report from security and it shows that there are nights she has come through the gate at 01:00am. One night there was a company function and she sent me a text not to call that she felt bad and was leaving early to go home and bed. Yet the gate report shows she came in at 1 am. She said that she was just sneaking out with some girls from work and partying too much. She swears that there was no affair and that she loves only me. I have to admit she shows me incredible amount of love and their are no other signs. We have this wonderful marriage till now and I'm lost as what to do. She keeps denying an affair and says she loves only me. I would like to believe her, but there is just so much evidence to point to an affair. How do I get the trust back

Forgot to add that Monday she took her phone in and bought a new sim card and destroyed the old one. Why all the lies if there wasn't something to hide. My world that I thought was so great has been turned upside down and I'm at a lost what to do.

We have seen a marriage therapist twice so far. The therapist even asked her point plank if their had been a physical affair and my wife looked her in the face and said no. Is it possible there was not an affair?

Welcome to MB and I'm sorry for what's brought you here.

I'm sorry, but your wife is having an affair and it most likely has turned physical.

Have you read the exposure thread?

Put spyware on her new phone before you go out of town. When is your next trip out of town?

Does the OM(other man) have Facebook? If so, copy his friend list for later. Do you have OM's BW's(betrayed wife) contact information?

No, I'm sorry to say she is having an affair.

The steps you take now are critical to how this plays put. You need to stop asking her if she is in an affair, she is going to say no. You cannot trust what she is telling you right now. Stop asking or accusing her and just quietly get the facts and evidence. Use spyware to find out the truth. We can help you with that. Do not let on to her that you are suspicious or snooping, do not divulge with her anything you find. Come here instead and we will tell you next steps. Once you get the evidence you will want to expose the affair. We can tell you how to do that properly.

There is a very specific set of steps to take to recover from this. I think you have a good chance of busting up the affair and recovering if you take the right steps.

Hello Bubba, welcome to Marriage Builders. Sorry for the reasons that have brought you here. I am sorry to tell you that your wife is having an affair. Don't ask her again, just quietly hire a PI to gather the evidence and come back here. We will help you save your marriage.

The problem is your traveling job. Affairs are epidemic when one of the spouses travels.

I'm pretty sure there has been an affair. I can't emphasize enough what a great marriage we have always had. We are truly best friends and while I'm gone a lot I have more time at home than most. I tend to work 17 on then two weeks off and sometimes up to 6 weeks off.

Part of the problem is that I have been gone a lot more than usual due to having to help out one of my parents. I had been worried that this might cause some issues.

I think that I've caught it in the early stage. All evidence is maybe five weeks old. I think it's possible there was some physical contact she admitted to an emotional affair.

Couples that spend time apart like this typically experience affairs. It is next to impossible to maintain a marriage this way. I am sure you are best "friends," but that is not the problem. The problem is that not spending every night together causes couples to become emotionally detached and fall out of love. When that happens it is easy to fall in love with someone else. That is what has happened to your wife. Your traveling job has left the door wide open for your wife to have an affair. It will happen again unless you change your lifestyle to one that supports marriage. This will be your future unless you start putting your marriage FIRST and find a job that does not put your marriage at risk.

It will be Impossible to recover your marriage if you are not at home every night. You can't expect to maintain this same lifestyle and have a marriage. It won't happen.


Did you read our posts about getting the evidence? The affair will continue if you don't get the evidence and kill it. She can't spend the nights apart from you anymore. And she can't EVER see or speak to the OM again. That will only happen if you get the evidence and expose the affair. This is why it is so important for you to get the intel.

When will you be putting spyware on all her devices?

She suggested that we put tracking software on her IPhone and said she will be completely open about things now. She swears that at most it was an emotional affair and that she was just out partying with her friends.

Just feel uncomfortable putting the software on.

How can a woman fake everything she has been doing for all these years. I can't emphasis enough how hard she works to make my life as enjoyable as possible.

Have had numerous people from military and my career that spend long periods of time away from spouses with out affairs. Now I realize that it's is very common for someone to return of being in a hazardous area and finds the wife gone.

Again just find it hard to believe that someone could maintain a double life for so long.

Are you interested in saving your marriage, Sir?

Have you read this?
Coping with Infidelity: Part 1 How Do Affairs Begin?

Is her affair partner her boss? If yes, ask her to resign effective on Tuesday. She can no longer see him again. Affairs are addictive, and the only way to end this is to take away the crack pipe. If she stays at this job she will see him and the affair will not end. She has to end contact for life.

She may allow you to track her on her current phone but that won't stop her from getting a second phone.

She says it wasn't a physical affair. Set up a lie detector test and have her take it to confirm. Let us know if you do so that we can help you frame the questions correctly.

Melody Lane suggested you hire a PI. I would do that. I would also put a VAR in various places in your home and in her car. Even though she as admitted to the affair, you must continue to snoop and do it regularly as affairs often go underground.

You will need find a line of work that doesn't require travel.

Partner is Boss. I'm listening to everything just state of shock.

She said the boss was really upset and willing to talk to me, said he was really upset. To be honest that does surprise me. What is your take on that?

As far as no more travel that's not a realistic option really. You might gather what I do from the screen name.

Did you read this?

Listen to the clips in here.
Traveling Jobs

My husband travels with me for work. Is there any way for your wife to go along? You don't want to spend any nights apart.

A huge percentage of military marriages experience affairs.

You need to read Exposure101thread.

Hi, 747, welcome to Marriage Builders. We are glad to have you but sorry for what brings you here.

Have you obtained Dr. Harley's book Surviving an Affair, yet? Have you watched Dr. Harley's video about infidelity?



Dr. Harley has been working with couples who have been through infidelity for decades. He has seen what will allow a marriage to recover and what won't. I'm sorry to say that if a couple insists that they have to have nights apart for some reason, it's a known fact that their marriage is not going to make it. You can keep the job - but don't expect to keep your marriage if you do, friend.