I appreciate the points of view here. In a different society this would be the right thing to do. In this society, unfortunately, the law is clear. I have seen too many friends try to take the fighting route, and they end up giving all the money the saved for their children to lawyers, while the children become alienated from the at least one parent, and then go on drugs or become depressed. Usually the parent who gets resented by the children is the one who is bad-mouthing or trying to keep them from the other parent. Handling the divorce like adults is the best situation for the kids. But it is very hard, and frankly the current law is stupid not to treat adultery as a crime.

One of my acquaintances spent $200,000 fighting for sole custody, and then her ex stole the kids to another state. The judge ruled (probably in exhaustion after such a long fight) that although the ex was wrong to take the kids, in the end it was best for the children if the ex just keeps them and everybody stops the interminable fighting.

I appreciate your point of view, but then...I am not sure what you want from us.

Being an enabler is not adult behavior, though. It is short sighted and sets a horrendous example for your children. I am confused about what you want from us. If you feel you want to enable a bad situation, that is your prerogative, but I don't see how we could be of help in that regard.

Here you need to read this How to Plan B Correctly

And this Exposing to Children

Any updates, Lost? How are things going?