Cliff notes:
Ex was having affairs for years. Caught five years before divorce. I was emotionally devastated. I read MB and was a wreck. She denied everything and continued having affairs. Spring of 2013 I learned she had been continuing affairs and had another secret cell phone. Long story short, she was caught red-handed and quickly filed for divorce after 19 years and three kids. I was out of the house but recovered. I felt I had already mourned the end of our relationship five years before when I initially caught her. I have now been officially divorced for a little over two years. Our three teenagers live with me full time. (Pulling my hair out). I became engaged to my fiance this March. I knew my fiance from work on a professional basis. She knew I was separated when it happened and asked if I ever wanted to talk that we could go for walks. She had been divorced for a couple of years. My question is this considered an affairage since we slowly started getting serious after seperation but right before divorce was final? We have both talked about MB and have been learning more and more because we both watched our previous marriages dissolve in front of our eyes.

I asked Dr Harley about this because I did the same thing. [now happily married to MrRebound for 16 years! :D] He said it is not what he considers an "affairage" because all of the elements of an affairage are not present. For example, your wife left you for an affair, not the other way around. You had no control over the end of your marriage. Your relationship was not based on deceit and thoughtlessness since your marriage was over.. It was still technically an affair, but it is not doomed because the relationship was not based on deceit and thoughtlessness.

Thanks for the clarification Melody... I read the forum often... you are a rockstar! ha!

I kinda thought it technically was an affair since I wasn't completely divorced when it started to be more than friendship. But I also never felt it was a rebound due to the fact that I mourned the death of my marriage years before... my fiance was worried she was just a fling... we are way beyond where my marriage had ever gone as far as a relationship goes...

After reading here I see all the signs of my exes affair(s)... I was so naive back then... So many things are true... exes always affair down (understatement). The lies told were just amazing... When caught they always say "your crazy". She justified to my kids her (guy friends) by telling them I was screwing all the nurses at the hospital I work at... Wow! My kids told me after she got caught in her affair. Oh well... Moving forward... I was afraid to post on MB when I went through the split.... I even say it took my awhile to read others stories without having some anger or memories brought back up. In a much better place now.

good for you!!

Welcome to MB. Glad you finally posted.

Is your fiance willing to live by MB principles? Does she read on here?

She doesn't read the forums but she has read his needs her needs.... Filled out the questionnaire also and totally agrees to use MB principles. Both being products of broken marriages we realize we were not both perfect spouses... We plan on reading more and more before we get married next summer. We will definitely stick to the plan!

Like I said, years ago when I was a wreck I read the forums and screwed up formulating my own plan using bits and pieces... obviously didn't work. I never posted when I should have... Re-reading the forums a bit I see things I obviously did wrong...
Brings back bad memories reading some posters stories but I can deal with it now...

That's fantastic that she is onboard with MB. You both have a very high success rate to have a successful marriage. Knowledge really is power. Keep up the good work.