I don't have access to the email account tied to my old username. It was Wounded Heart way back then. Here's a link to some of my history if you're bored:

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...Wounded+Heart&Search=true#Post949827

Anyway, let me start off by answering the ago old question "Will they cheat again?"
Answer : Yes! Oh God yes!

After her one night stand, my lovely wife managed to hold off about 6 more years before finding another guy to screw around with. That affair was on and off for about 8 years(I think). Yep, while I was working a part-time job to put our 2 kids through college, she was screwing him. It must be convenient when you know your husband is at work.

We somehow stayed together. I was/am a fool. I actually got to chat with the wife of the OM. She gave me some words of wisdom she had gained after years of dealing with her H's affairs. She said "You can't change her." She was so right. They are divorced now and she has remarried and is much happier now.

Now back to my story. Did I mention I am a fool? I stuck by this woman through all matter of crap. Even when she was put on medication that made her sick and actually crap her pants in public about once a week, I stayed.

And then there's now. My wife went cold and distant about a month ago. She said she was unhappy and just didn't love me anymore. I had a feeling something was just not right. You guys who have been cheated on will no "that feeling."

And I have finally figured out who it is. I've gotten so damn good at this. I am so sick of looking for evidence. Finding the secret cell phones. Catching her taking nude selfies. ( I never received one in 27 years). I've been a fool for so long. I've been her fool. No longer. This ends now.

Don't remember your story but remember your name. You have posted enough info that there is no need to look back at your history.

I agree with your decision it is time to divorce her.

It sounds like your wife is a serial cheater. As you know from being here for years, serial cheaters are more difficult to recover with than your run of the mill cheater, because they are addicted to the feeling of affairs and not a particular person. In general, they are actively pursuing affairs and do not just fall into one by a particular person meeting their needs.

This means that to affair proof your marriage you need to basically be with your spouse 100% of the time and have such an integrated lifestyle that there is NO opportunity to pursue an affair.

If you are not willing to go to this extreme, and nobody would blame you if you are not (I wouldn't be!), it is time to move toward a divorce.

I was on this site 15 years ago after my wife's ONS. I don't think I returned during her next affair that was on and off from 2007-2014. We have been married for 27 years and now she has moved out and left me for another man.
She became cold and distant and said she needed "space" to work things out. I of course pursued. Did the begging, pleading thing. Then came the flowers and cards. She was gone about a month when I finally figured out about the other man. She has since confirmed that for me. He is also married.
She does not speak to me or our 2 children (D23, S20). When I found out about the other man, I stopped pursuing and started getting counseling for myself. I needed someone to talk to and my friends were getting tired of hearing about it.
We have been apart about 2 months now. I do not try to call her or text her. I know where she's staying and where she works but I do not go there. She has texted me a few times about our kids and I will answer in as few words as possible.
My wife has been unhappy many times during our marriage. She is on anti-depressants, but I'm not sure that they are effective for her. I have asked her about marriage counseling and I got "It didn't work last time". I asked about individual counseling and she said "I'll go one time". I even offered to pay for the counseling. My counselor says it would be a waste of time and money because my wife is not ready to accept help. In some way I think she knows she needs help. When I discovered the affair, I texted her that I knew what she was doing and that she knew it was wrong. She replied that she knew she was wrong and that "she would eventually hit rock bottom and maybe that's what she needed".

So, our divorce papers have been drawn up and are ready to sign. I have not been able to do it so far. Everyone around me (except counselor) is telling me to sign them and run. My counselor is just encouraging me to get to a better place emotionally so I can make a choice with a clear head. In my state, one person cannot just divorce another (without grounds) so I can hold up the process forever if I choose. My wife has begged me not to.

So I wait to see what happens. Maybe the affair will end. Maybe she will return. Maybe I will get tired and give up.

I so wish for a normal life without such drama.

Welcome back and sorry for the circumstances that have brought you back.

It sounds like you never followed Dr. Harley's steps to end the affair.

Who have you exposed to?
Have you read this Exposure 101

I haven't really exposed it to anyone. So far, she's been doing it. She took the OM to meet her parents. She's taken him to church with her. I'm getting this from my sister-in-law. I don't know how her parents reacted. She is acting like her marriage is over and so it doesn't matter. I told my wife I knew about him and that he was married. She informed me that he and his wife were separated. I believe that's still called married. I have tried to contact his estranged wife but have been unable to find a way. I tried Facebook messenger service but she does not seem to have an account.

Exposure has not been done. People need to know what is really going on, and they are not going to find that out from a fogged-out wayward intent upon rewriting history to justify her behavior.

You need to do the exposure. It has to come from you. That is the only way for the truth to prevail. You need to shine the light of day on this affair by telling the truth about it to everyone.

The counselor understands and knows that your wife does not need help, but you do. It is very troubling that you have hung onto a dead, abusive marriage for so many years. You are very much like the battered wife who hangs onto her wife beating husband for years upon years and ends up getting killed. You have been immersed in dysfunction for so long that you don't know what a healthy relationship looks like.


Yes, you are able to sign the papers and turn them in. It is sick and unhealthy to hang onto them. You know that nothing will ever change. The longer you drag this out, the farther away you are from a healthy future.

I would suspect you are quite depressed and can't envision a happy future. But if you can get rid of this toxic woman, you have a chance at happiness. Are you taking anti-depressants?


And you will never have a happy marriage with her unless she makes radical changes in her approach to being a wife. Just living with a toxic cheater is not a marriage. Will she make RADICAL changes in her lifestyle to protect you from another affair? I think you and I both know the answer is no.

Marriage Builders is not the marriage at all costs program. Sometimes divorce is the definition of success and this is one of them.

And MrEureka is right, this affair has not been exposed. The only thing that ppl know are lies told by lying liars. I would go read my exposure thread 101 and expose this affair. Everyone should know about her affair.

No, I am not on anti-depressants. It does bother me that I am in therapy and my wife isn't. In the past I stayed because I loved her dearly and because of our kids. I didn't want to do the shared custody thing. She would have gotten them because she was a good mother, just a bad wife. I still love her and miss her, but those feelings are starting to wane. I know my marriage hasn't been great, but there were a lot of good years. A lot of good years together as a family and as a couple. After 27 years together, it's hard to imagine life without her. Even my wife has told me that I deserve better and she hopes I find it.

I am working on myself. I am trying to get stronger and healthier for me. At the moment, I have my kids with me. Soon, however, my daughter moves out of state for a new job and my son will be going back to college. I will be alone. Oh well. I'll survive. Apparently I have a high tolerance for pain. Too high I suppose.

For what reason would she need to go to therapy, though? She is not the one with the problem. On the other hand, you have a problem hanging onto an obviously dysfunctional, sick relationship where you have been abused for years.

Do you think that is healthy role modeling for your children? Kids learn healthy boundaries from their parents, and you have demonstrated none. Would you like your own daughter to stay in such an abusive marriage for 20 years?


I wonder why you would choose to live like this, though? Most men would have been long divorced and moved onto a love relationship with a more appropriate woman. Do you realize this?

By hanging onto a dead, rotting, toxic corpse, you prevent yourself from seeking true happiness that will NEVER be gained from your wife. We have many men who have divorced in such situations and are happily and blissfully remarried to women who love them. Wouldn't you want that for yourself?

You seem like a very nice guy. Why squander your valuable life this way?

Did you read the exposure thread yet? You really should expose her affair.

When will be doing a proper exposure? Did you expose her affair from 2007-2014? Do your kids know about all of their Mother's affairs?

Listen to the radio clips in here.
Serial Cheaters