That is a very real possibility. You need to be prepared to follow through with a separation if he has another angry outburst.

Facebook may not be a trigger, but it is an unnecessary risk to your marriage. You have had multiple affairs, some online. Facebook is a breeding ground for affairs. You need to set the bar high in order to recover, and that includes eliminating social media.

I wrote Dr. Harley about this subject, and he responded to my question on his radio show. Here's a link to the segment:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/play_segment.cfm?sid=7013#

In my experience, telling friends did not ruin the closeness we had with them. True friends will be there to support both of you as you recover.

It's scary, I know. My family was told of my affair the weekend of my daughter's birthday party. I was an emotional basket case, expecting hellfire and brimstone to rain down on me. They had nothing but love and support for me, and a newfound respect for my husband. The fear of what was going to happen was worse than anything that did.

And, really, if your friends act any different than that, are they really your friends?


This is GREAT. And yes, that is common.
But it won't continue that way if he continues to lovebust you.

You've given me a lot to think about. I suppose there's no harm in leaving FB, whereas staying on there leaves room for him to doubt me. Should he leave FB too, or just me because I was the one who was unfaithful? I don't want to take away something he likes because of what I did.

I listened to the radio segment on telling kids. I'm still not sure about telling them while they're teens (for the same reasons I've given before), but I think making a point of telling them when they're very young adults could be good. Something to discuss with my H.

No offense, but of course there is no harm in leaving FB, lol It's social media for heaven's sakes. I always am very weary of a couple who is reluctant to close a FB account - its a red flag that other important EPs are being skipped.


This is a corner that should not be cut, ever. Dr Harley says this is the single most important step towards a successful recovery. Not only does it give your BH the support he likely needs, but it helps to ensure that you do not stray again.

I am not sure if I am reading this incorrectly - but your response seems somewhat wishy washy, here.

This is another point on which Dr Harley is FIRM. No nights apart, ever. This is for couples who have NEVER strayed. Forget a marriage with one spouse who is a multiple offender.

I don't think you understand, Kayla, that most couples DO NOT make it after the marriage has been traumatized by infidelity.

Without exposure and an strict adherence to EPs, your marriage is not going to make it. Not only does Dr Harley say this but those of us who have stuck around the forums for some time see these cases over and over and over again, people who come back and have had more affairs or the marriage has just struggled along.

I'm sorry that you are choosing to ignore Dr Harley's advice on telling your children. He's the expert, after all.

They already KNOW something is wrong in the household. Children feel marital tension and problems and typically blame themselves.

I have experience (as do many other forum members) in exposing to children and teens of all ages and having affairs exposed to themselves as children, some of which is discussed here:
Exposing to Children

Have you read this and listened to the radio clips? What is Just Compensation?

I have not read your entire post and situation but I think I can chime in about telling the kids. My wife had an A about four years ago. At that time my three daughters were 17, 12 and 8 years old. They were devastated. My wife already had less than a good relationship with the oldest and this would have given her every reason to break all ties.

Fast forward to now. While I'm sure it still affects them in some ways I could not imagine not letting them in on what all the turmoil was over.

They are pretty resilant and down deep want they seek the truth most from there parents, good and bad.

I feel for you. I am currently in a very similar boat, except that we have now passed the "danger" part. I hope that you have too and that you are futher into your recovery and happy.
My husband and I are in our third month since D-Day. We are communicating better, having more (and even better) sex, and we (especially him) are more affectionate than ever. We are supporting each other through everything.

***EDIT***

Well, I hope that you are doing well and progressing happily in your marriage. Any advice for a girl in a similar boat?

Hi, RmrsflChtr, welcome to Marriage Builders.

Just about everyone who comes here is in the same boat - our best thinking ruined our marriage. In fact only 20% of marriages stay happy for life.

So rather than giving our own conflicting opinions, don't you think we should focus on Dr. Harley's recovery plan, which actually works, and is based on his studies of successful marriages for decades?

Rmrs, I suggest you start your own thread and tell your own story. You're replying on four month old threads where the people who posted on them may not even be watching any more.

***EDIT***

That's not a very long time, in the grand scheme of things. I can remember being 3 months post DDay ... you are in a fragile place, and you need to be very careful what steps you take. The road to recovery is very narrow, and a lot of people don't make it. Why not start your own thread, and we can discuss where you are and where you need to go?